Every tick is a countdown
for as long as we live
We are all waiting for time to pass
so we can get to that one moment
and that one moment after that
It's all time is and ever will be
a countdown

I might as well
have no
concept
of object permanence
Because every time
I turn around
things keep shifting
One moment things
are falling to the ground
and then
every thing has settled
A tree
loses it's leaves
but next spring
they will have appeared again
A house catches alight
flames licking the wood
But turning a back to it
for a year
the house is no more
on fire
An ever altering
world
has no concept of
object permanence
because permanent is
is a figment of our imagination

She looked like death
Skin broken, bare bones showing
With her stringy long black hair
She felt like a cyclone
Pulling debris, flinging emotions out to sea
With her dark circled eyes
She moved like still air
Suffocating life, putting to throats a knife
With her cold, slender fingers
She smelled like chaos
Burnt and acidic tears, rancid midnight fears
With her cool breath
But she sounded like colors
Bright with sharps, dark with resonating harps
With her stagnant laugh

Sitting in a house made up of debt
causes me to recall times like bullets colliding
All those times I ignored the nagging feeling
of another episode ending, a memory forming
And then you were here, right here
next to me where I could physically touch you
But in that moment it was like watching something die right in front of me
because I would never be able to get it back
Because that moment is now a memory
And I can't touch a memory

"I went to the hospital"
        I remember
"I wanted to stop breathing so you'd come back"
        Don't say that
"I whispered your name when I was asleep"
        You did?
"That's what I was told when I woke up"
       You always have talked in your sleep
"I wanted you to come back"
        *I never wanted to leave

Let's make like smoke and float away
Ride underneath the marbled sky
I want to see the twinkling lights of the city
Like crushed gold and silver they'll glow
Let's go to a sandy beach that's like powered sugar
And dance in the water while the waves brush our feet
Let's make like birds and follow the stars
I want to hide away in a foreign bed
Tucked away underneath cotton sheets with you
In a city that locked with love
Let's just go and be done with the present

Hands like soft sandpaper graze my skin
Leaving trails of heat like sunlight
You placed your collage of kisses
                              
                                     Here
                                                            ­    
                                                                ­           And here
                        
       Also here

Like a treasure map all over my body
That eventually leads to my raw lips
That smile because those pale purple marks
Are play buttons that let me relive that moment

Let me kiss lips that are like ember
Let them smother me like smoke
Let them fill me like air

Let me wrap my arms around you like a ribbon
Let them hold you like clouds
Let them bind you like string

Let me love you like infinite stars
Let it intertwine us like lace
Let it shower us like pouring rain

People aren't beautiful
We're ugly
With hideous intentions
Like insidious black monsters hiding our skin
Some monsters want to take that little girl
Others want to see ripples of carnage laid out in front of them
Some simply want to steal away things that don't belong to them
There are a few that are free from that murky black hole
They are like prey sensing predators
But always aware of the disease that some of us are.

I lay on your chest and listen to your heart pitter-patter like the falling of rain
That sound resonates within my ears and pulls me
Pulls me into a chaotic silence because all I hear is you
Like darkness you cover me
Like light you free me
I lay on your chest and feel your heart stuttering like a boy in love
But you are in love
And what's more, you're in love with a girl who's in love with you

When I was young grass was a calm sea
The wind was a melody sung from breathless trees
The trees were like ballerinas, bowing and swaying

When I was young I'd travel by foot
Hidden dirt paths were roads to hidden places
Leaves were like a canopy of small wings

When I was young I climb wonky stairs
The inside of a rustic pine tree was a home
The branches were like seats and tables

When I was young the gravel driveway was a river
Tire swing was the only way across the flux brook
Rope was like a tether to magic, effervescent and luminous

When I was young everything was not what it seemed

As if a pearl and diamond necklace was pulled from a neck
and spattered and scattered and thrown into black pitch
Filling a void so dark that it is in fact pitch black
The stars litter the sky with their ghostly light
For their light is a ghost of their forgotten life
They shined for no other
For no other was near
They shined for themselves to make the dark less dark than it appeared
They had danced in a grand waltz for millions of years
but they danced alone, in a cosmic working of gears
And when they die their essence is released
Their make up, their matter
Spewing their energy upon waves and waves
And then those vaporous waves become solids
creating life of its own, something rife for all time
We are a collection a energy
Merely essence made of light
We come from the stars, from the infinite night
And remember how stars could never touch, were utterly alone
Now in their reincarnated state they can hug, kiss
Be statically sewn

It creeps up on the land like a cloudless sunrise
Spreading its tendrils of ice ridden air
Gracing the leaves like a wisp, finer than smoke
The leaves turn to red, brown, and gold
As if kissed by the sun itself
They fall from their life
Settling upon the ground, waiting
For someone to walk by but yet
Turn around, giving a second glance
To pounce on the foliage
To relish in the satisfying crunch
Autumn is here, autumn has come
Named rightly after the Fallen, the flung

Laying outside on a spring loaded blanket
Underneath a dark sky that laid like a cover
With embedded jewels of white
Laying next to someone who shares the same thoughts
Like shocking each other with the same electrical current
Jolting alive memories, preferences, feelings
Laying under a moon set alight by the sun
It radiating beams of cold light
Yet we're both so warm

     Even though the time is gone
     The trampoline is empty
     The moon still remains the same
     Never changing, eternity

Here I go again
Looking in the mirror makes my own  heart shutter
It's like being porcelain but without the doll
Without the war paint, without the lip stain
I just look sick, just bones after all.
I glide on the tar black lines
With a flick of the wrist I become awake
I become focused, I become defined
But this is something I have to make.
Even then I look away
Not satisfied with my lacking appearance
Lacking brightness, lacking confidence.
Clearly having no brilliance.
I sigh
I leave
I tried.

Twinkling lights
Signs painted with gold
Screams fleeing from carnival rides
Secrets to behold

Wandering around, see the sideshow freaks
Stay away from Envy, Pride, and Greed
Children run by carrying goods and candy
Run to their mothers
Saying they're fine, they're dandy

Moving to the large striped tent
Inside to the music I went
Splendor danced which made magical eyes
Stay away from the edges
that's where torment lies

The lights are dimming, it's time to go
Vile perceptions are coming, it's the end of the show
I'll be back soon, I know I will
*Remember, stay in the light of the carousel

Eyes, my eyes
Wavering in the murky water
Move and my doppelganger follows
I stare and I stare back
Although, I know what I can't feel out loud
I stare thrashing in the cold water
Rage filling me and causing unseen waves
The water is still, unmoving
I keep watching
I become stone, dread filling my watery eyes
I watch as my hands cover my face
I blink
I watch and I watch back
Nothing
I smile and I smile back
On the edge of the shore I know
that I am collected
I am peaceful
The water knows who I am and understands
I am unwavering.

That sound
that tinge of an uplifting note
the fluctuating frequency of a Hello
Unkempt time with every beat
Spindles outward like a sheet
of fog, covering and filling your head
Wavelengths of pitch can be a lovely song
or stabbing knives in burnt flesh before long
Words laced with nightshade **** the soul
Words filled with nectar can make you whole
Each inflection of the same word means something else
Each inflection of different words mean the same thing.

My mother once told me that spontaneous love dies with age
that boys who set up those tea light candles
let the romance dim along with the wick
And the girls who marvel over the fact that that shirt smells like him
let his love fade like the now unnoticeable scent
After awhile realistic love is what pumps through the heart
It's more Hi, how was your day from across the kitchen
and less Hey, what are you thinking about whispered sweetly into the ear
My mother once told me that realistic love is better
but really every girl, no matter the age, wants to have musicless dances in the living room
Or unexpected embraces, with his arms wrapping around her waist just because
No girl wants realistic love even if that's what she accepts

I sit, I wait, I watch
I sit here wondering when you'll pull into my driveway that's a thousand miles away
See you pay your fair to the man that ended up bringing you to me
I wait for you to walk up to me and crush your red lips to my aching ones
Feeling your hair between my fingers and the grasp of your rough hands
I watch out my window waiting for you to return home to me while I sit on my bed
Just longing for the moment when I first see you again

The trees were alive but dead
colorful but dull
Flourishing but rotting
during the fall.

Show me the array of lights in black
Show me rolling green ribbons
Show me lighted, artificial trees that touch the sky
Show me the Guatemalan northern lights at dusk  
Show me Italian pathways

Show me sweet nothings
Show me secrets with just the touch of your lips
Show me how to feel your heart beating
Show me how to breathe in your love

Just show me.

Oh, how they love the silence
They thrive in the dark
Those voices without bodies.
Poisonous, sharp
Spreading through rusted canals
Into that chamber, that artificial mind
They pull, they squeeze, suffocate
Wither and die.
They stick like tar, tastes sickly sweet
Those voices
They turn into words
Infectious