Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Lila Valentine Apr 2016
What do you do
When everyone around you is falling apart
And you can't keep them together
Even though you so desperately want to?
Sorry I haven't been posting, I originally only created an HP account to follow my friend but he deactivated.

My friends are falling apart and I can't help them even though I want to
Ah well
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
I'm just an angel
A celestial being
That wants to go home
And leave earth.

Maybe I'm just a demon
And I'm done hurting people
So let me go
Back to my home.
Inspired by a post a read, that maybe everyone who self harms is just an angel that wants to go home.
Lila Valentine Oct 2016
I get butterflies when I see you
But they're not peaceful, content to merely flutter around
in my stomach and
make me nervous.
No, these butterflies are aggressive ,
Unsatisfied with staying inside.
These butterflies demand to be released from the prison
of my larynx.
These butterflies travel up to my lips and force their way out in the form of stupid little phrase and mumbles and stutters.
Only when they're outside do they realize they should've stayed
Their wings brush my eyelids and lower them.
They crowd down my throat, tightening it.
Only when they're safe inside
Do I dare look up once more.
It's a relief to see you laugh it off, ignore it
The butterflies calm, waiting for another moment to rebel.
Another poem I wrote for the coffeehouse at my school
Man crushes ****
Lila Valentine Mar 2015
Once there was a small ray of light
Alone, it wandered through the wood
Around it shone a small cloud, bright
It distanced farther from the good.

To delve deeper into the dark
Would only bring more harm to it
IT thought the night would make no mark
How wrong it was, when light was split.

The cloud was infiltrated now
It couldn’t get its own shine back
Light had to get away, but how?
The happiness begins to crack.

It’s gone too far, there’s no escape
The deep-set misery is strong
How can I get out of this scrape
If I’ve seen the dark for too long?

I can’t break free, it claws at me
It’s like a beast of gloom holds tight
It blocks my vision--I can’t see!
Inside of me, it’s dead, the light.

I wander aimlessly, alone
Yet never in a hundred years
Has any better life been shown
And now, it’s one of my deep fears

That nothing will be just as grand
But my little devil I can withstand.
Long time no post, sorry guys I haven't been on much.
I needed to write this crap for school, so it's pretty ******.
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
They say that fear is the monster under your bed
They say that terror is when you watch that movie
Well no one listens to me, to what I said
But that's not what it truly is.

Fear is the demon you find in your soul
Not the one that hides under your bed
Terror is thinking of what will happen if they find the hole
That the devils have clawed in your spirit.

They don't know what crying truly is
They don't know how deep hate can run
How awful that ignorance of his
Can really feel inside.
I want to tell him why he makes me happy and how much it means to me....but I can't because I've already scared him too much.
Lila Valentine Oct 2016
You don't know fear until it's 1am and your close friend texts you that he wants to drive his car off a bridge and you want to scream but it's 1am and you're supposed to be asleep.

You don't know fear until you're 12 years old and your father comes to pick you up from a great week of camp and you demand to know where your brother is because, well, he promised to come get you and it's only until you're driving home that you find out he's in the hospital because he almost hurt himself irreparably.

And you don't know fear until you're ******* around on the tracks with your best friend and don't notice the train and you scream for him to get off and thankfully there's two hearts pounding on the gravel as relieved laughter echoes across the emptiness and not one.

And believe me, you don't know fear until the girl who means the world to you tells you that she's not okay, more not okay than you initially thought, and the only ting you can do is feel the tears start to pour as, for the first time in your life, you pray to someone out there that she'll be okay.

You don't know fear until you find out so much about a close friend and you go through every day terrified he'll end himself and you won't be able to stop him.

You don't know fear until something happens to
someone you love and there's nothing
Wrote this AT the coffeehouse. Really a very personal piece. All of these stories are true.
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
Fell For You*

So I’ve heard
That you don’t care at all
I’d thought you did
I’d thought you did
I’d thought you--

And I’ve heard
That someone’s needed you
Just like I have
Just like I have
Just like--

There’s many
That thought they’d understood me
Well they were wrong
And I thought that I would know you
But you broke me
When I thought you could fix me
But on that night
I realized I could see
You hate me

You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all

Can’t you hear?
My heart is beating fast
When I stand there
Here, right by your side
It’s what I’m thinking to myself
I’m just dreaming
Can’t you see the truth in me?
I needed you
For reasons real, not rumors
You hate me
You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all

You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all

I fell for you ‘cause I thought you’d help
I fell for you ‘cause I thought you’d help

Me live

You may not care about this but
I’ve often wanted life to end
You’ve kept me here so far

(You may not care, not care about this)
And you may not care about this but
(You may not care, not care about this)
I’ve often wanted life to end
(You may not care, not care about this)
You’ve kept me here so far
(You may not care, not care about this)

You may not care about this but
I’ve often wanted life to end
You’ve kept me here so far

You may not care about this but
I’ve often wanted life to end
You’ve kept me here so far

You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
(At all)
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all
(At all)

You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
(At all)
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all
(At all)

You revealed the truth to me not knowing
You revealed to me too much I understood
(At all)*
If you’d told me it would hurt so much I
Never would’ve dared to talk to you at all
I wrote this using the song "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance. It'll make more sense if you read the words and listen to the music at the same time.

Lila Valentine Dec 2014
**** Romeo and Juliet
***** Kat and Peeta as well
I don't care about Tris and Four
Hazel and Gus can go to hell.

I don't want to be your Juliet
Don't be my Romeo, I beg of you
If you can be my Okabe
For you I'll be Kurisu

Or maybe I'll be Winry
And you can be my Ed
Not that shiny fairy
The Alchemist, I meant.

See Okabe-Kurisu
And Winry-Elric too
They have a love that's strongest
And one I want with you.

**** Romeo and Juliet
I really can't stand Gus
Tris is a just a little *****
And so I hate them thus.
Sorry for any of those shippers out there who get insulted....Okabe and Kurisu are from Steins;Gate, and Winry and Ed Elric are from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood is better)
Lila Valentine Dec 2015
Yeah so I don't really post anymore, I might pop in once in a while but for anyone that recently followed me sorry for the disappointment that I'm not providing.
Lila Valentine Dec 2015
Strider is red
Egbert is blue
They're gay for each other
Like I am for you.

Gamzee is purple
Terezi is teal
Their love's a bit different
Because hate's what they feel.


Meenah is fuschia
Vriska is blue
Cute lesbian couple
P badass too.

I know lots of people hate it, just ignore it, you don't need to say anything. And if you are gonna be a **** private message me, it'll get intense.

I made these up, but you can use them if you want.

*Yes I know Egbert is technically straight but for the sake of this poem...
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
How many times have you said, "I'm okay"
With tears streaming down your cheeks?

How many times have you tried to cover up those fresh cuts
Bright pink against pale skin?

How many times have you gone to bed thinking
"I'm so unlovable"
And crying into your pillow?

How many times have you been replaced
Or been forced to replace someone you love?

How many times have you fallen for someone
Knowing deep inside they don't care?

How many times
Have you been like me?
*I'm sorry I just can't take this anymore....*
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
I promised I wouldn't anymore
I lied
I said I was happy again
I lied
I said I was content
I lied

I swore I wouldn't pick up another screwdriver again
So I did
And I swore I wouldn't dampen my pillow anymore
So I did
I also swore I loved myself
So I did

I thought we were friends
I'm not sure
She hates me now...doesn't she?
I'm not sure
Because he likes me, not her
I'm not sure

I said I was happy, yet I lied
I swore I wouldn't I did
And I thought she would always be there for me...but now I'm not sure
Well ****. Time to go die again :)
Lila Valentine May 2016
Sitting here, amidst these ruins
Waiting for something to come
Be it train or deer or people
I hope it's soon--I'm going numb

I wish there'd be a gentle breeze
To stir the moisture in the air
Then, perhaps, I'd concentrate
On poetry, not sweaty hair

An hour passes, perhaps two
Or maybe only twenty minutes?
I can't quite focus--this is hard
I might just listen to the crickets

But I'm not quitter--this'll get done
All I need's a bit more inspiration
This oil well of creativity is running dry
My artsy engine's suffering from dehydration

Guess I'll dig and drill and dig some more
Until I hit a vein of ingenuity
Perchance the topic'd be of love
Or of some ethereal obscurity

Yet pen to paper doesn't click
No matter how it's written
Not love, not pain, not anything
Appears to simply fit in

So after several hours here
I think I have decided
To simply base this poem on
What life now has provided.
This took like 6 hours to write (*******). We had a coffehouse poetry thing at my school and I wanted to write something for that but I couldn't think of anything so
This happened
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
It's a little funny how you know how I feel
But you keep hurting me anyway
Maybe I'm just too pushy, too real
And you need me to get away.

But honestly, whenever she's with you
It always happens right in front of me
It makes me want to vanish into the floor, fall through
And get rid of this burden, and for once be free.

I know you've been friends for a while
And now this year I just suddenly appeared
But whenever you look at me I smile
Sometimes fake but mostly real, like I feared.

But once I thought that maybe you liked me
I've been this wrong before
I made the same mistake once and he
Hurt me and I would never love again, I swore.

I wouldn't make the same mistake
But I just keep doing this, I don't know why
All I do is cause myself more heartbreak
So can't you just get out of my mind's eye?

I'm just hurting myself more
But wait, you don't care
I forgot, I'm too much of a bore
I'll leave you alone, I swear.
This is about the same person who I wrote "Scarf" about.....I mean, I like him, but I don't, and it's just agh I hate emotions.
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
How can less than 200 pages
Of tattooed tree corpses
Make me rethink my life completely?
Make me change the way I see it?
The way I see the people there?
The stories?
The two sides?
A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness.
The most thought provoking book I have ever read.
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
Not a poem people:

I am the same Vayne Darkni, just changed my name
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
Swords flash with a mystical brilliance
For enemies, it only means demise
Bright blue eyes that look into the distance
Deep as the sea and bluer than the skies
Skin, like ivory, paler than the moon
Hair, that is almost like woven sunbeams
From light rose colored lips come Elven tunes
Perfect armor over his shoulders gleams
His aim is never off--he hits his mark
Whether it be enemies or my heart
There is no one sweeter--it flees--the dark
If ever we should meet, we would not part
This is Legolas, of the woodland realm
When I see him, my heart, he overwhelms.
Quite a bit more lighthearted. I wrote this sonnet ALSO for school about Legolas Greeneleaf, from Lord of the Rings, because all teenage girls love Legolas. I know, it doesn't make much sense.
Lila Valentine May 2016
You...are my drug
Not in a good sense
You get me high, higher than the sky but it's
the crash, the crash that I

I see you and it's like you're
injected into my blood.
And at first I don't feel anything
But then....

Then comes the dialation
Quickening of the heart
There's a quiet thudding in my ears
and I can't quite concentrate

It feels so great to be around you
but when we separate
I crash.

I hate myself for wanting you
The eyes contract to normal
And the cold sweat dries

The pounding in my ears
goes quiet
and I'm left with my thoughts,
Thoughts of loathing.
I hate how you make me
I hate your side effects,
you ****** drug,
Oh no here comes the teenage angst
This is about this one person who I simultaneously want to ****** and **** (although not at the same time, that make sense?)
Woohoo teenage angst
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
Everyone has a mask that they put on
Wearing it between the twilight and the dawn
When we’re with the people that we know
The only thing we can do is go with the flow
No one can know how damaged we are inside
Our true feelings, we must always hide
Only when we’re completely alone
Then and only then can the truth be shown
Everyone has a way that they let it out
Some of us cry and some of us shout
Some of us just want to be on our own
Some of us brave it and pick up the phone
Sometimes, we all just need someone to talk to
At these times, it doesn’t always matter who
It just has to be someone who understands
Giving you a much needed hug, holding hands
When you break through somebody’s mask
Entrusted upon you is a delicate task
Help them, because inside everyone’s fragile
Everyone has in their soul a raging battle.
I wrote this last year for school.
Lila Valentine May 2016
With soft pinks and oranges and purples a sunset is so pretty
Whenever one is exceptional
People will stop and stare.
"Wow!" They go. "It's stunning!"
They'll drop what they're doing to go admire it.
But sunsets fade. They always fade to black.
Yet somehow in their fleeting glory, everybody loves a sunset

I think someday I'd like to be a sunset.
Wrote this in like 10 minutes during the previously mentioned coffehouse thing at my school (see Inspiration?)
There was this really pretty sunset and everyone actually just ignored the next singing group and went outside to look at it
I tried to get inspired from it
It worked
Lila Valentine Dec 2014
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
It's amazing the difference a piece of cloth can make
Could it be that his scarf is really all that it takes
For me to blissfully leave the pain in this world
With the softness of this scarf around my fingers curled.

He gave it once, then I stole it again
I was slightly surprised he didn't complain
Now its absence has left inside me a void
That can only be filled by his scarf and Pink Floyd.

It's kind of amusing that I want to return
Back to that school, if only to yearn
And notice as my pain away can be carved
Just by feeling the softness of his scarf.
This was kind of a spontaneous poem. I wrote it about my crush's scarf. Dur. But seriously, that is one soft scarf....and it smells like him :")
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
When you hear about it, you just shake it off
Shake it off like it’s nothing
You know about it, then shrug and go on
But have you ever thought about how they felt
How they felt when they swallowed the pills
When they ate and gave it up again
Over and over
When they went through bottle after bottle
Slipping farther away
When they took the blade, and dragged it over their wrist
Slitting the veins
Have you never thought about what it is like
To pick up a blade, to drag it over your skin
Letting the sting register
Watching, with a sick fascination, as the beads
The beads of crimson blood drip down your arm
Mixing with the tears pouring
Pouring, as you know, you know you’re not good enough
When you realize that you don’t belong
When you realize that you shouldn’t be alive
And you slit the veins
Repeatedly, hoping for it to happen, wanting to leave
Knowing that no one will care
That no one will miss you
Then you come to the prison
The prison called school
Where all you feel is everyone staring at you
Still thinking that you’re just some ******
Some creep that doesn't belong
They don’t know how hurt you are inside
They don’t know how much their words have pierced you
They don’t know that you want them to notice
That you want them to care
You just tug at the sleeves of your sweater
Even though it’s a hot summer day
Just tell yourself that it must stay on
That they can’t know
But they must know
And they might ask you about it
Why you’re different
Why you’re changed
And you want to tell them
You want someone to care
But you lie through your teeth
You lie as you feel the pain start to come
And you know that the lies are the only way to make it out
To make it out without more taunts
And before you regret anything, you go
You go and blend with the crowd
Already wishing you had said something
Just to keep someone there
Hoping that maybe someone would come
That someone wouldn’t want you to go
But the day drags on
And you just get more side glances
Snickers behind your back
And you finally run home
And burst into the bathroom
Where they wait, shining
Whispering your name
And you know that someone
Someone needs you there
And, already feeling the rush of emotion
You throw off the sweater, the armband
And you pick up the little blade
So much malice
So much relief, in something so small
And just push it into the soft flesh on your arm
Then drag it slowly
Letting yourself feel it
Make it be a punishment
For not being enough
For being a failure
For not being wanted
And you think back, back to the start of the day
When you just wanted to ask a simple question
When they told you to shut up
When they told you they didn’t care
When they told you to jump off a bridge
To just end your life
And as you sit there, hair falling over your face
You just see the earlier scars
Some thin and white
Some thicker, like little knots in your skin
And you go over them, over and over
Until your arm is covered in blood
And you just watch it
Letting it smear
Get on your shirt
Your shorts
And with every slice
You tell yourself not to be such a coward
To just face it
To do it
Because this is the relief
This is what you wait for all day
This is all that goes through your mind all day
Every day
The relief, once you’re alone
When you can hurt yourself, as much as you can
Because you hate yourself so much
Because you just want to leave
And it’s a relief, it really is
No one will understand
When you were younger
And you read about it
You heard about it
You thought how hard it must be
To hurt yourself knowingly, on purpose
But once you start
You can’t stop
Because it’s an addiction
And you can’t break free of its iron grip
And nothing anyone ever says will change it
We all say things we might not mean
We tell people that they are losers
That they are useless
That they should die
But there are people, sensitive, that will take it
The wrong way
Or maybe the right way
You don’t know their power
Their kindness
Until you experience it yourself
As you sit shaking, shuddering, wanting it to end
And they stay with you
Keeping you under control
Changing your mind
Saving a life
Just remember that everyone is hiding something
Whether it be a dark past
Or the loss of someone to suicide
Or the saving of a life
Or the want to slit yourself over and over
Everyone hides something
And in this room
There are doubtlessly several dark secrets
We all say it
We regret it
Or we don’t
I say it so many times
I regret it so many times
I don’t mean it
And you may have noticed
Or maybe you haven’t
Maybe you have and just didn’t bother saying anything
But I hide something
And I’m tired of lies
I’m tired of not having the truth out
I’m tired of having to hide it from everyone
Even my own family
Even the ones that I am supposed to trust the most
I can’t trust them
I can’t trust anyone
I’m too scared
But I’m tired of cowardice
I’m going to break soon
And keeping it in is too much strain
I can’t keep living like this
Maybe I’ll just let the world know
Or maybe it will never know
But some day….I’ll break
And maybe someone will come
And someone will regret something they said
But it’ll be too late
So just think about it
Suicide isn’t funny
Suicide isn’t a joke
Suicide isn’t romantic
Suicide isn’t attention seeking
Suicide isn’t something you just read on the news
It’s something that should be taken seriously
Suicide is real.
This I also wrote last year, for school. I shared it with my whole class. Seriously, don't be as rude as one person was.
Lila Valentine Nov 2014
Oh my glob...thanks guys!!

I didn't think I'd get really big out on here....and I've only had HP for like....I dunno, a few weeks...

Thanks to all my new followers and people who like my crapssss!!

I love you guys *hugs
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
I declare a time war
Daleks scream EXTERMINATE
Time is up, the doctor's done
There he goes, back in time
Saving everybody's lives
Grabbed my hand and whispered run.
Lila Valentine Sep 2016
There--she's standing right there.
Just do it. Just say it.
Deep breath. It's okay.
"Hey so I know we've talked and stuff and I know we're just friends and I KNOW we're really different but....I like you and...I...I mean....forget it."

No. The nerves come again and
I leave her standing there.

And another day will pass, and a week, and a month
And even if I've recited it so many times in my head
I never tell her because it feels so wrong

Because every time I've done it before in the past
We grow more distant than

So I'll leave her be and wait quietly on the side
Hoping....that, for once, she'll come for me.
So I wrote this in like 15 minutes about the girl I like lel
Don't judge to harshly
Lila Valentine Sep 2016
It's sweater weather, hoodie weather, crush-the-fallen-leaves weather
It's colder weather, bleaker weather, grayer, foggier, quieter weather
It's darker weather, creepier weather, don't-go-out-alone-at-night weather
It's long walks weather, graveyard weather, almost-Halloween weather
It's fading weather, dying weather, eerie, empty, silent weather.

And yet....I've never felt more alive
Guys I'm so ready for Halloween and October and fall you have no idea
I've been ready for the past several weeks
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
We're all just suicidal kids
Telling other suicidal kids
That suicide is not the answer
True you know
Lila Valentine Feb 2015
Guess what day is soon to be
Where smiling people is all I see
Feeling like they belong with someone
While I wait for whoever will come.

Guess the day that shall be upon us
When dates and love will be all they discuss
While I stand awkwardly to the side
Telling myself it was okay, I'd tried.

Guess the day I wish to come
When I stand in front of him, struck dumb
Shocked that my offer to watch Doctor Who
Would have finally appealed to him, out of the blue.

Guess the day I most abhor
It aids in my internal war
As I wait for time to pass
I remind myself he's not the last.
Hahaha Valentine's Day *****'s bugs me, only good thing is the sale on candy....
Yeah, but early, but who cares
This is about the same person ((partially)) that Scarf and It's A Little Funny is about. Derp.

Tell me what ya'll think.
Any chance of daily poem? no? Okay....
Lila Valentine Dec 2014
Eva came first, a tiny cloth bag
A tiny brown noose on the table will drag
A little red heart sown over her chest
We are one, together depressed.

After comes Lucas, a lover of Eva
He adds to the mix a slightly different flavor
He takes the scars with which I'm obsessed
We are one, together depressed.

Now there's Sally, a full-bodied doll
She can fit in the palm of my hand, she's so small
You can try to figure out who they are, be my guest
We are one, together depressed.

When most people see them, they call me a creep
You must be a voodoo artist, they all say like sheep
Not such a shocker that no one has ever addressed
That we are one, together depressed.

Think what you say, because sometimes it's needed
To keep me from death they have so far succeeded
Not often have I really expressed
That we are one, together depressed.
I make rag dolls sometimes. One is Eva, another is Lucas. The last is Sally, inspired slightly by Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. I have had several people call me a voodoo artist....
Lila Valentine Jan 2015
When I grow up I want to be a builder
I can create happiness and love
But only for a while, it's so unstable.

When I grow up I want to demolish my buildings
I'm great a destroying relationships
And breaking my own heart.

When I grow up I want to be an artist
And draw strokes and lines of red
On my paper skin

When I grow up I want to be a writer
I can write stories of drama and pain
And of my own misery

When I grow up I want to travel
I want to go from life into death
And see the white light.
Something I thought of yesterday at like midnight while lying in the dark and staring at my ceiling and listening to depressing musics like always

— The End —