“The greater the doubt, the greater the awakening; the smaller the doubt, the smaller the awakening.  No doubt, no awakening.”

On a bright day, next week
Just before the bomb falls
Just before the world ends
Just before I die

All my tears will powder
Black in dust like ashes
Black like Buddha's belly
Black and hot and dry

Then will mercy tumble
Falling down in god heads
Falling on the children
Falling from the sky

It is
And it's changing
The wind into summer shower
Into mushrooms and birds mouth
From river to the sewer
It is and it's changing
From dark to light to dim with
Speckles of sun born by the
Mirror in you childlike hand
You are catching dust bunnies
Sneezing and laughing
And the dirt could be followed by magic
And the kiss isn't greased by the notion
Of sin and the sin is only a word from the book
Death and insanity
Are frightening and profound
Your world is built from
No buts but ands
And they flow into peace
Just as well as the film of oil
On the ***** puddle
Astonishes you with
An iridescent rainbow
Duality is born by fear
You split and separate so
Caught up in the survival game
To keep that face and partake
Of wealth and fame
Empty is locked in the dungeon
And the words interlock
In plain patterns
Yet alive as they produce sounds
And the smell of tangerines
On a tree by the coast of Sicily
Reminds you of the day
When you could still enjoy
The warmth of sun
It absorbed into its juicy flesh
And there's no need to run
No need to stay
No need to cut off the ties
When life offers you more
And the heat and cold are feelings
That gets names as they replace each other
As they flow unstoppable
Dripping reactions
Burning like acid and smooth like milk
All in one glass
And when you have no thoughts
Ask questions
And when you feel the pain
Stay present and consider humanity

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

“Do you know, to my thinking it's a good thing sometimes to be absurd; it's better in fact, it makes it easier to forgive one another, it's easier to be humble. One can't understand everything at once, we can't begin with perfection all at once! In order to reach perfection one must begin by being ignorant of a great deal. And if we understand things too quickly, perhaps we shan't understand them thoroughly.”

Well well well sailor
Tucked the gun back into your pants
Panting all overcome
With obsessive you don't know what
Here I am the future mermaid
Isn't it where the drowned go if heaven spits them out?
Don't know if they'd accept.
Cheers to you frightened
Never a complete silence in the open sea
Sing yourself a song of solitude
Next time you wish to put me back in place
Where you belong
With your fear of stupidity.
Or maybe... Maybe I won't leave
Yes, I probably won't
I tried once or twice before.
Alter ego is not for me to choose
My doppelgänger gangsta crazy beach.
So please, if you decide to have a snack
Out of my good intentions
May I suggest pickling?
So it may last you through lifetime
Of self imposed misery.
Add lemon so it's not too fishy
And salt generously with your f...ng tears

You can’t, if you can’t feel it, if it never
Rises from the soul, and sways
The heart of every single hearer,
With deepest power, in simple ways.
You’ll sit forever, gluing things together,
Cooking up a stew from other’s scraps,
Blowing on a miserable fire,
Made from your heap of dying ash.
Let apes and children praise your art,
If their admiration’s to your taste,
But you’ll never speak from heart to heart,
Unless it rises up from your heart’s space.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

LS:   This place is desolate
Where darkness ***** at your pupils
And infuses your lungs with a cocktail
Of cold and despair
Amongst the mistletoe and bells ringing
You hear a quiet echo of
Isolation that has no shape
Unexplained, ever mysterious
Fearesome lack of a vital link
To hold your feet down on the plane
Familiar to countless faceless strangers
And familiar faces alike
Where willingly you could join
In a silly dance around the circle
Outlined many spiraling ages ago
And feel at ease and ONE

And to the sound of choral
I could fly up with crows
And see it all from
Unattainable
High
Up there in the milky clouds
But
Nature is so uniformally ordered and
Strange as it is no law contains
This spirit so eager to escape

WW: I hear the darkening silence echo
And drone in the northwood stillness.
The forest treetops lurching south
Into the memory of sunlight
Crowns bending unbroken,
Grasping unspoken,
To behold the waning daylight

While the spell of darkness cast deprives,
It opens up the craving soul

This is the naked truth,
This is the light
Oozing from graying monotone
Spilling from cracks between the pause,
Betwixt the shapeless lines of poetry’s refrain …

For life is not a work of art,
The colour a fleeting moment cannot last
And the paradise of going somewhere else
Still so far away

wildish

When submerged
There are two outcomes
To allow oneself to drown or to
Fight for your air
But either way
The soul will go on
It's way a lot further
Than you knew

The winds in this cosmic land so turbulent,
They blow hard feet off the ground head spinning,
Then before you relax they change direction
Drastically always, but with improved clarity of vision
At least I can see a few minutes ahead.
Why helps accept the What
And I am in it, I fly with lost birds
Insects, bits of dried flowers, teeth and shredded notes
No smoking caterpillars to give advice
No red queens to punish and control
No rabbit to fear the ending of time
Only whispers of the Hatter
Living in both of us seeking
Uncertainty of growing into magical mystery
Called your soul. I see it, saw it in your humble accidental smile,
And we will meet again when mirrors dissipate.
My brother, sister, alter ego, strange encounter
I wish you well and you can count on that.

Question
Shame eyes overted sudden noise
Buzzing in the back of the brain
The hook is left hanging submerged in the water
Fogging the thoughts until they disappear
Words ran away at a thought of being spoken
Thoughts those complex layers of
Experience feelings impulses values
So much insight and potential
Running out the door
Atom by atom splitting hanging in the air above
Spoken sounds are escaping the tongue
Oh what a torture to be at a mercy of
Limitations
Unknowing and lost in the bubble with only self
And the gaping hole of loneliness
And everything unsaid

Through acceptance i find my way
To only that within the grasp
The truth begging to be said
When in no doubt
Or finding dignified peace in silence

Quilt pieces sewn together
To map the way towards light
The quest for inner freedom
American denim squares
Painted, scripted, reflecting
The inner worlds of youth
Those eye overting open on the inside
Vulnerable and ever so hopeful
Escaping cruelty found
Where love had to reside
Damaged but resilient
And still so beautifully naive
Afraid to start the journey
Imagination is an unsafe place
Where bad memories hide
Behind every corner
Superpowers for safety
Boldness and courage
Anxiety - the dizziness of freedom
When violence is kept at bay
Freedom to turn away
Freedom to find the law
Freedom to not give up
Freedom to fly with chains
Freedom to eat your food
Freedom to pray your god
Freedom to keep your hope
In the big city miracles
Are kept alive

You go snake
Spit your ***** venom
All over the room
Staged performance
With puppets
You aren’t yet tired
Playing
So much effort to destroy
The ground I send on
Seeking my exposed vulnerabilities
With your cold eyes
Sore for misery
Forgive me snake
I have a yawn and a laugh
To give but not to share
My face perfectly relaxed
As I imagine
Your anihilation.

Let the whole world go to
Bits of narcissistic appraisals
Thumbs ups and shares
Plenty followers to
Cover up a sense of isolation
They wish would fill the hole that
Seems too scary to explore
And I...
I just can't stop looking into it
Each and every day
And it fills me with
Dread, mystery and light
Of some other kind
That only monks see well
I was never like them
But always wished to find
That place I would
Finally belong to  
Somewhere at the edge
Of a morning leaf
Where dew drop
Is about to fall

Drop the stream through this sieve into the bottle
Where it shouldn’t belong you wish to
Drink up the poisoned milk in infinitesimal gulps
Of deathly satisfaction only because
The glass shards under your feet pretended
To be the grass and you believed as much as
That what felt like downfall was anything resembling warmth
Sneaking snapshots of neglect for nothing else
Is allowed to who you know yourself to be
And nothing else is a possibility for the
Identity was outlined in ink and blood and
Disappointment and disappointed you are
As a way to make the world feel familiar
At least there is one listener to make one feel at home
While the rest hold on to their promises
While keeping their ears open and their feet in the destined direction
And you are wasting away the precious moments
To drag yourself through the dessert of
Familiar bitterness
To be seen through the prism of your
Poisoned safety blanket
Only as illegitimate

Sipping seconds like drops of ache
Unsettling simultaneously as they
Fill in the void of the moment
Fulfill the prophesy of the long gone
And never remembered by mind alone
Stupid so so stupid - the mind says
So we flip the protective switches
And bury the dreadful thoughts
Because there is something bigger
Greater meaning that begs to be enveloped
As years pass with the same consistency
Of a rational psychosis
Just step off a cliff
And suppose you will learn to fly
Leave it up to faith

Genius could be a killer

There’s always ****, misery and deep conversations

Through fog and sullen thoughts
I move on I don't stop
Through limitations
I break free I leap off a cliff
I fall backwards to see the sky not the fear
Crashing or flying is not up to me
I am moved and I follow
Crazy and enlightened are two words
To describe refusal to follow
I sense and I comprehend
Not your words,
I can touch your intentions
The tender fragility behind the
Shell of impervious
Behind bravado of the narcissus
So small and shallow so afraid
Of seeing empty staring back from
The mirror reflection
No, I'm no better
I fear the void I fill it
To the brink like a pointless hobby
Feeling the ultimate
Does not help to shake off my humanity
Limitations everywhere reflect
The fear I carry like a favorite keepsake
Too human to let go

Waters of two oceans crushing
Wave against the wave
Merging into a chaotic current
Spinning into a vortex
Two hands reaching for each other
Losing the sense of skin
Pulled underneath each other's
Lethal boundaries feeling
Feeling stronger
Yet stronger
And then no more
Eyes like waves crashing against each other
And finding no bottom
This is a free fall out of
Anything which can be controlled
The love isn't love
When it calls for a mirror image
Longing cannot be filled
By cutting out pieces of each other
That don't suit the reflection
The desire to get lost in another
Is the ultimate danger

You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate
Over my head
Then I set fire to our bed

You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate
Over my head
Then I set fire to our bed

My black eye casts no shadow
Your red eye sees no blame
Your slaps don't stick
Your kicks don't hit
So we remain the same
Blood sticks, sweat drips
Break the lock if it don't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
Whoa a kiss with a fist is better than none

Broke your jaw once before
I spilt your blood upon the floor
You broke my leg in return
So let's sit back and watch the bed burn
Blood sticks sweat drips
Break the lock if it don't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
Whoa a kiss with a fist is better than none

You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head
Then I set fire to our bed

You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head
Then I set fire to our bed

You do not do, you do not do  
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot  
For thirty years, poor and white,  
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to **** you.  
You died before I had time——
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,  
Ghastly statue with one gray toe  
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic  
Where it pours bean green over blue  
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.  
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town  
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.  
My ****** friend

Says there are a dozen or two.  
So I never could tell where you  
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.  
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.  
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.  
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna  
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck  
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.  
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You——

Not God but a *******
So black no sky could squeak through.  
Every woman adores a Fascist,  
The boot in the face, the brute  
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,  
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot  
But no less a devil for that, no not  
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.  
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,  
And they stuck me together with glue.  
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the *****.  
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I’m finally through.
The black telephone’s off at the root,  
The voices just can’t worm through.

If I’ve killed one man, I’ve killed two——
The vampire who said he was you  
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There’s a stake in your fat black heart  
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.  
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you *******, I’m through.

Sylvia Plath, “Daddy” from Collected Poems. Copyright © 1960, 1965, 1971, 1981 by the Estate of Sylvia Plath. Editorial matter copyright © 1981 by Ted Hughes. Used by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
Source: Collected Poems (HarperCollins Publishers Inc, 1992)

My sexuality to your fear of ambiguity
Like hot oil on the wound
I know you missed the lesson of distinction
Between myself and safety of your fragile spirit
The difference is that
My body and my *** are parts of my own being
I wasn't born to satisfy
To be a target or a prize makes me wild
With rage
So do release that awkward tension
I am to be me and to enjoy this life with all my senses
The way I do when not submerged in shadow
The warmth of closeness, the movement's feel, the rhythm of breath, the softness of my lover's skin,
Forgetting the limits of myself, merging with cosmos through his touch.
Do rest assured your physique  doesn't strike my fansy
I am repulsed at the idea
Hardly **** to push those ugly triggers

Forgive those who ask for forgiveness and let go of those who hold tight to their ego and fear. Let things flow in their natural direction

I stare into the void inside of me
Suddenly immersed into darkness
In dim light I stumble upon
Bits and pieces
The whole is disintegrating
I panic, you can see it in my eyes
I lose myself the boundary of my mind
I feel - it's tangible, covers me with a wave of
Heat or moisture or frustration, depression anger, sweat or tears
Is it me or you this time - I never know
For a moment I am lost in the speechless uncomfortable coexistence.
I feel you!
I feel you so much I cannot feel myself anymore.
Takes time to find way back into presence
Fear on one side is the root of my
Awareness, my greatest strength
Yet so difficult to explain or understand
Anxiety, the human condition
Root of self-knowledge
Worth so much more than a
Superficial word

We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago

Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World

I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched for form and land, for years and years I roamed

I gazed a gazely stare at all the millions here
We must have died alone, a long long time ago

Who knows? not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World

Disturbed to my core
Worried about the colors of rainbow
Equality of love
Justice to see women and men for who they truly are
Despite their physical nature
Terrified for the ***** teenage girls
And their children born to be despised and abandoned
Hardworking imigrant parents
Poor starving civilians in Syria
And their children under the bomb attacks
Jails overflowing with innocent people
All the poor children who will fall through the cracks
Never cared for by neither parents nor the system
I am terrified that the world can be so affected
By nonsense proclamations
Of a narcissistic subhuman
To whom life is but a reality show
How the **** did this happen?

Isn't it marvelous
This light ripe like a juicy orange
Filling the clouds with luminous presence
That feels like something
Beyond my comprehension
Simply sit at the root of the tree staring
At its rugged skin and bright flesh
Peering through the cracks
I sense its aliveness as blood
Flowing through my veins
Warm and real and finite
I press my cheek against it
Feeling its breath
As I inhale you exhale
Simple coexistence
Interdependence
That makes me cry

What does your silence taste like?
If distance was a melody how would it sound?
Do you also wish to unlock the doors inside your own mind
And release yourself from that airless prison?

If I told you my mind feels empty
And words lost their meaning
Would you relate?
Would you ask me a trivial question?
Only to break the wall

Crawling from underneath the
Power which cannot be owned
Nor contained an illusion obsession
A lethal compulsion and ever present
All absorbing shadow
You are engulfed and deformed
Power you could only wear but never fully
Possess

To stand up and carry yourself
Under the light of your truth
Faithfully catching reflection
Never escaping
The only way to liberate
Empowerment
Pure and transcending
So much more than power itself

So strange how language can fall apart
Like pieces of a broken puzzle,
Double sided and colored by
Trust or lack of it,
Love or fear
Strange is a word
All perceive from a window
Of their own unique bubble
So when peering outside we are still
Split atoms of a mass
That has no certainty
It ever existed

How can I open the window shut by fear
Let in the air of humanity
Into the stifling chamber filled with rage
How can I speak my heart you
Precious human behind the lens painted domino
You who believes in survival
At the hand of this sorting machine
Where you hid yourself
You whose strength I admire
Your generosity and loyalty
Makes me feel at home
Your warmth and mine
Gives out he same heat
Embrace me,
Hide me from cold indifference
We paint the masks
With patterns of truth and real
Yet still you are hidden
Behind a the mirror glass
Standing next to you
I reflect the hate of my complexion
And your ever so hurt
History
Will never allow me
To belong

Clarity diluted
By the lack of course
I leave you to reflect
On your reflection
Utter confusion and all
Alone with your books
On how to be human
Your sorrows for the lost hell
Your despair at how to
Reach the state of complete degradation
And your fearful illusion
Of fire projected
Onto the blue of the sky
Reaching out for it
Seeking unity only
To blame it for a rain
How much more energy
Will I poor down this drain
To prove myself wrong

Upside down world this is
Where even Alice would
Loose her tracks
This forest inside uncontrollable
Lack of purpose
The path is squirming
From left to right
Leading nowhere
But puddles of
Unidentifiable earning
Somewhere between bitter coffee
And lack of sleep
The absence of inspiration
Is seeping at a childhood dream
Air is free of substance
Like the dungeon of a
Crashed butterfly
Fly away little bird
...insect... whatever it is that
Makes you feel safe
The winged mouse
The pterodactyl of your own creation
Tell me what is that truth
That strings all these beads
Into a sufficient reason
To continue the conversation

There's nothing to do here, some just whine and complain, in bed at the hospital
Coming and going, asleep and awake, in bed at the hospital

Tell me the story of how you ended up here, I've heard it all in the hospital
Nurses are fussin' , doctors on tour somewhere in India

I got one friend laying across from me
I did not choose him, he did not choose me
We've got no chance of recovery
Sharing hospital joy and misery, joy and misery, joy and misery

Put out the fire boys, don't stop don't stop
Put out the fire on us
Put out the fire boys, don't stop don't stop
Put out the fire on us
Bring your buckets by the dozens, bring your nieces and your cousins, come put out the fire on us

Silencio
Words turn meaningless
Swallowed by stillness
In this dark place hidden from life
Where responsibility doesn't reign
Creativity fell asleep
Not dancing
Ankles shackled down to the floor
When did emptiness become so heavy?
Give me a rhythm piper
Spin me alive
Storm my senses
Shake up this bottled up feeling
Make this darkness explode with
Constellations

For now I will continue on my fours

Is there an owner on this ghost house?
Little creatures creeping from every corner
Scared and scary but mostly frightened
By the very fact of their existence
Speaking screaming interrupting never
Listening to each other's story
Never fully in agreement loosing track of perspective
Mistrustful of trust and disgusted by care...
Such is a mind of a once broken child
Can we put him back in his cot?
Can we look into his wide open eyes and believe
His is the truth of suffering and search for lost hope?
Should we ask the child knowing he knows not the answer?
Wouldn't we confuse him furthermore
Seeking answers drained from his broken core?
If only the child returned to the haunted house
If only he found his courage
Maybe he would make sense
Of all this mess.
We'll just sit here and watch

The devil sneezed
Achoo such a lonely cold
Better safe than sorry
Stay away from
Those ****** possessors
Keep my blessed bacteria
All to myself
He thought then looked
Outside the window
Rainy day so harmonious
With his love for tragic endings
Like tears of generations
All the souls devil ever took
Feeling them close and cozy
Achoo ****** they're all gone
Too sick to get myself
Some meds to soothe the
Void some **** to break the
Repetition, amphetamines
To finish the business
Day and night never ending
Chain of over and over and over
Bored through and through
Down to his creativity
Down to all the drowned passions
And old memories jumping over the fire
With a yawn
Hot and cold and ever lasting
Dissatisfaction
ACHOO this might just be the end of it
Wouldn't change much
But don't mind the change of scenery
Too tired to flip the switch
Already happened a while ago
Achoooo-ally

If unknown is felt more
Than what is known
If recognizing our past lives
In a momentary smile
Leads to discovering the worlds
You know you knew
Without a reason
Shall we really be so fearful
Of the dark abyss that will
Swallow our temporary shell
Only to place us back in the game
Yet again

Ego is full of words
Peace is speechless
It has nothing to prove
It accepts pain with a smile
And thanks the Earth
For the gift of feeling

Openness from within
Is bigger than commitment
It is a string
That connects you to all
To the energy of life
And the darkness of death
Like a wire that transmits energy
Openly
Created and delivered
Not to hurt
Not to punish
But to confirm the truth
Behind ones existence
Openness to trust the feeling
Inspired
And knowledge that it was there for a reason

Double sided like connection
The flight of hands interlocking
At the juncture of responsibility
For the sake of what matters
You promised not to let go
I trust you wholeheartedly
Hero from the start
I will not let you down unless
I wish to let go of my essence
In it together
I am responsible for where my hand leads you
You are willing to give more than you should
So I lay my weaknesses plain in sight and I
Don't let you fall into their trap
For they are but my own
And I do not wish to I abuse the love
That should never be taken for granted

Smallness crept inside
Wormlike string of fear
At the face of the grandiose
Grandeur, something
You wish could entangle in between
All your gaps supporting
The thin walls of crushing unimportance
And as it squirmed inside
You stomach empty and raging
It filled you with despair
Urgency to escape or to be
Held and cradled
By this enormity of everything
Most of which you will never see
Inside were thoughts
Bouncing off the walls
Meaninglessly sinking in
And dripping out
Just as meaninglessly
What are they in the face
Of endless repetition
So glorious and terrifying
You could breathe it in
Feel it, write it out, sculpt it
Or take care of its smallest bits
That fit into your grip
Tiny you are
Tiny I am
And all of them to come
Just as tiny-tiny bits of
Comparative insignificance
Yet like the molecules of matter
We hit each other's trajectories
And butterfly's wing governs the ball
So, good night dear insignificance
I thought of you today
Between every other blink
And on the big scale
It hardly even happened
Yet thought was most alive
In the universe of my
Petty mind
That never happened before
And will never exist again

Going through thin sheets of todays
flipping pages - skip the guidelines
get straight to pictures like BOOM
quick gratification, emotion into your face
temples throbbing flashed
then soothing wave of indifference
press on the flash button,
drain the feeling aching
with absence but proud of it still.
Get your cold cereal in the morning
Follow up with sorrowful
Fate into oblivion
I'll pray for the bright grain
Of potential that once inspired me.

I threw the pills out today,
let them fly out the window
Will be greeting my anxious sister
With her eyes spinning out of context
In a few, but hoping she'll bring
her driven girlfriend along
I need to play with these passions
Can't spend another day in this swamp
Of passive submission
Gonna dance on the imaginary grave
Of my peace
Let the hell spin with heaven,
Nothing in between merging
At the edge of feeling
Too insane for the in-betweens.

Hello halo
Up there where I can't see
How absurd you become
In days like these
Or is it you naughty sense of humor?
Was I your mother
Would have put you to stand in the corner
For a few
Why give me a rational brain
To **** me
With emotions?
Would be better of as a fish
Or a bird
Not thinking not comparing myself
To the rest of my kind
My kind that was never truly
Mine
Why make me feel other people's feelings
Loosing myself beyond the point
Of no return
Thank you for my profession
Otherwise I'd be sharing the room with those I treat
How do you suggest I pull away?
From the mess of other worlds I feel inside
No one can understand but many believe...
And if that was not enough why this encounter
With shadow that will never leave
Strange fantasy that could not seize
As if a powerful storm that became my life
Something that sank down to the core
In an instant before I even realized
Yet storm would be easier to comprehend
Too much feeling and unexplainable
Knowing taking control
Over the remains of my poor rationality
That all I want lately
Is to switch it all off
Into oblivion

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so small
The legs beneath me weakened
And I began to crawl
Confused and contented
I slithered around
With feelings beyond me
I was lost, I was found

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so weak
I felt my tongue move in my mouth
And I began to speak
A strange kind of language
I don't understand
A babbling fountain
I couldn't have planned

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so high
I swear I could have reached up
Placed my hands upon the sky
A radiant rainbow was following me around
With elevated senses I could see and taste sound

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so clean
Like a preacher on Sunday
My heart was serene
I waded into the water
I was bathed, I was drowned
Like all sinners before me
I knelt down on the ground

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for
Oh let me sleep forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for

The choice between going on or circling around
Spins around the same age long question
To let the fear run the course
Of life destined to end
As you are fearful and small
Or to conquer your destiny
As you fear
Always in the back of your humanity
And none of it comes down to
Anything primitive at all

Forever strangers like molecules
Bouncing off each other in directions
Similar or opposite often unpredictable
Often uncontrolled
So before the eternal chaos takes the molecules
Apart what was that you wanted to know
What was that you wanted to say
Before the world comes to an end

Down the line
You stumble over
Stumble under
Uninspired
Always
Crawl along the border
Limitation borderline

Other side
You're undeserving
Of the better
Served yesterday on the
Sorrow platter
Bitterness grows
Negative space
Devouring and expanding
Pulsating void

From
Within
Emptiness devoid of
Meaning;
From
Without -
The world
Is waiting
To be included