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L Seagull Jan 2017
Feeling it with every fiber
Existence and emotion
Calling to escape through vibrations flowing
From your heart and through your mouth
Unnecessary... defend... keep this tender reality
Where it won't be offended
Boundary and self-respect
Must find each other somewhere
On the pages of this year's calendar
Resolution for next New Year's Eve - no mushrooms in the club! Way too raw
L Seagull Jan 2018
I’m tired
But pumped up now
Let the negativity flood
Wash away all our sins
Somewhere at the end
There’ll be peace
When we reach a state
Of acceptance
That no one’s ****
Smells like roses
A rather liberating thought
**** the looks. I have a nice husband with poor vision
L Seagull May 2016
Is there an owner on this ghost house?
Little creatures creeping from every corner
Scared and scary but mostly frightened
By the very fact of their existence
Speaking screaming interrupting never
Listening to each other's story
Never fully in agreement loosing track of perspective
Mistrustful of trust and disgusted by care...
Such is a mind of a once broken child
Can we put him back in his cot?
Can we look into his wide open eyes and believe
His is the truth of suffering and search for lost hope?
Should we ask the child knowing he knows not the answer?
Wouldn't we confuse him furthermore
Seeking answers drained from his broken core?
If only the child returned to the haunted house
If only he found his courage
Maybe he would make sense
Of all this mess.
We'll just sit here and watch
Apologies for another rhymeless write
L Seagull May 2016
Grey highway swarm of thoughts in afternoon
Depart to face the questions
Of what could happen soon
How many lives per week
Would you be willing to save
With words?
There isn't an answer it's all rhetoric
Strange kind of ******
Crippled in withdrawal
So empty without a violin to tune
Your thoughts your inner self
A song that lost its chorus
Drowning my insanity
While I save you from yours

Or at least hear your story
Good enough for a double lifetime
So what else is there besides
Your negative attention seeking...
Had a job interview today. Wish me luck)
L Seagull Jan 2018
Inside my head are myriads of thoughts
Uncomfortably shoving each other
Against the wall they are running out of breath
Me too, breathless illness of a constant urge to
Strive always further always urgent
And so are you, familiar spirit so real and
Present from the very start
Came and justified all my strengnesses as
A blessing from another world
From separation into belonging in a blink of an eye
And my talent fits right in with your
Dark dilemma
And the life dealt it’s cards and this way
Life is safer and you are my sister
And I will give you my energy
Share with you the strength that flows through me
And is never given to me when not shared
As much as needed to fill the whole
Left in you by those who taught to
Confuse food with poison.
I am patient. You are my quest and purpose
I knew that before I could decide anything
For myself it doesn’t have to make sense
It is ultimate. So I will patiently wait
And embrace you with the vision from the core of my spirit
Your gift is potent and I feel
It could be much more and
Somewhere inside me was hidden the key
Not meant for me but
To open the cell in your heart
So the sun will shine
On many
Sometimes we just have to go with a flow when it pulls us in with a current as strong as Niagara Falls. Who said that *** is at the core of connectedness. I have a sister. She is dear to me. The thought of her warms my heart, although I’m often angry at her. I hope she knows how much our similarities make me fill justified in being myself  and trusting my purpose. She is often confused because long ago she was badly hurt and used for someone’s lustful purposes. I wish she never gets hurt that way again. Sometimes she confuses connection with lust and I don’t blame her. I will be here for her to gently hold her in my heart and to show her that pure platonic love can do miracles
L Seagull Dec 2017
One second at a time
I will continue breathing
As my purpose dissolves
Into thin air
And the possibility
Of future feels thin and fragile
The war was won
So why does
Memory of winning
Feels like a loss
Of all my essence
Why does my essence
Depend on war and suffering
Why am I not
If the war has ended
How strange - after a day of grateful hugs, tears, so much love and care I couldn’t contain the thought of it. And yet, without their presence all I’ve done feels like illusion. I am afraid I am falling into the same dark abyss. I am afraid
L Seagull May 2016
Put your memory on the shelf
Let it air for a little while.
Sitting where you are erase your mind
Only for a second to feel the breath
The scent in the air
Can you sense the spring?
Rejuvenation of nature
The little spring flower
Budding, raising head from underneath the earth
Somewhere on the other side of a planet
A cat is licking her newborn baby's back
Elsewhere a waterfall creates a rainbow in the air
A child playing with stones in a desert
Smiling in awe of his imagination
Someone is giving a hand to the old age's weakness
Feeling fulfilled by the act of kindness
And connection
A comet passing by leaving a spectacular mark
Then fading away
A fish surviving teeth of a predator
The sweet scent of rain
Warmth of mother's breast touched by little fingers
That haven't learned the meaning of separation...
The air of life entering your being starting
At the tip of your nose
Embracing you from the inside
Filling you entirely
Your every cell nourished
With the same air breathed by millions,
Young and old, trees and beasts
Careless and dull
Brave and hopeful.
Your essence is not separate from
All of them
Living under the same sun
Fearing the same fate
Wishing to hold hands
With those who understand
I get distracted a lot when I meditate. Fears are always there knocking at the door. Oh well, meditation isn't about doing it perfectly, right? Bubbles rising... let them float away. Just sit and feel life
L Seagull Apr 2017
Breath purified by rain
Stringing myself back into
This plane
Away from the illusion
Inside this painful
Overactive mind
Sometimes it feels
That there's nothing left to say
And so I breathe
L Seagull Nov 2016
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
L Seagull Jun 2017
Clouded delusion of
Axis grandiose
Round and round spinning
Eternity and all there is
Is what this speck of a body
Feels inside the endless universe
One perspective and the totality
Overwhelmingly insignificant
And dangerously vital
Looking from the inside out
To find reflection
Of its tiny authority
Seeing only the pieces that
Resemble all familiar
From the inside in
All else is ******* and boredom
From me to myself
Possessed by none but
Sensation of my existence
Divorced from divine tinkling
Of perfection that could never
Fit in my grip until I finally
Learn to let go
To look from the outside in
And accept the beauty of the
Sand grain's imperfections
And with all my being
Give warmth to feel connected
We are but grains of sand
So let's lay here under the light
Of exploding suns
Feel the life as it flows through our veins
And simply be a good company
self-cenrerdness kills relationships and creativity. There's no limit to perfection but one could only reach for it if able to put the ego aside. People pleasing and lack of interest are both signs that you are far too lost in narcissus world. A very lonely world it is. Particularly sad when truly talented lose connection with the Divine source after getting too much positive validation
L Seagull Dec 2016
When smallness sinks in
On a grey morning dawn
And though the light blinds
Shadows only linger
And the mirror is only a proof
Of futility that is
This slowly subsiding
Existence without an imprint
That feels deep enough to prove
The value of your weight
On the surface of this earth
The gradual countdown into oblivion
And memories of victories
Feel like a fraud
A mistake to never be repeated
When words are swallowed
Raising up like bubbles
Only to pop on the surface
Unable to reach another ear
And ice wall between me and the other
Is ever present and the cold
Sinks into my bones
That feeling of being present elsewhere
That unknown inescapable place
That spreads its roots through your whole being
And it's tendrils rip through your rib cage
To expose the constrained aching heart
So much feeling
Yet so frozen
So deeply felt
Yet silent
So isolated
Yet connecting in an instance
An alien in its deepest sense
Since the birth of the first thought
Always not quite fitting
Dreading to fit
Just a self-reflection on one of those dull days
L Seagull Mar 2017
******* i ******* hate you right now
Addendum: don't you dare show up anywhere near me, I'll spit into your ******* face, *****!
Inspired by my supervisor
L Seagull May 2016
The winds in this cosmic land so turbulent,
They blow hard feet off the ground head spinning,
Then before you relax they change direction
Drastically always, but with improved clarity of vision
At least I can see a few minutes ahead.
Why helps accept the What
And I am in it, I fly with lost birds
Insects, bits of dried flowers, teeth and shredded notes
No smoking caterpillars to give advice
No red queens to punish and control
No rabbit to fear the ending of time
Only whispers of the Hatter
Living in both of us seeking
Uncertainty of growing into magical mystery
Called your soul. I see it, saw it in your humble accidental smile,
And we will meet again when mirrors dissipate.
My brother, sister, alter ego, strange encounter
I wish you well and you can count on that.
Named after an amazing immersive theater play I saw some time ago in Brooklyn. Highly recommend anyone to see it!
L Seagull Aug 2016
Drop after drop after drop of days
Going by in a chain from better to worse
To better with hope
Get used to reality
Try harder to keep trying
Not dying in the relaxed state
Of nothing else to gain
Vital not to loose
The light of the watchtower
That you knew was built for you to find
Only for you...
All alone in the watchtower...
Maybe some day
For today, wherever those muddy feet of mine
Will take me
I wish not to be alone
I wish to share my reality
I wish to break the bubble
That appropriate place
Of perfect composure
I wish to break into song like
A melodramatic Broadway fool
I wish to jump in the puddles
I wish go scream alive into the wind
To feel it tearing at my desperately joyous seams
I wish to be touched by another's breath
I wish to be needed and
Stretch out my hand
Give it my all to be there
For anyone else but me
Most together there could ever be
Under the same sun
Breathing the same air
Walking the same ground
Wishing to be seen
Mundane is whatever you make out of it... Spending the day in between kids, chores and pickling. I love life. I love my kids. I love pickles too
Watchtower metaphor was actually meant to be a lighthouse but then in light of the soundtrack and something about esthetics of a watchtower felt more fitting
L Seagull May 2016
The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so small
The legs beneath me weakened
And I began to crawl
Confused and contented
I slithered around
With feelings beyond me
I was lost, I was found

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so weak
I felt my tongue move in my mouth
And I began to speak
A strange kind of language
I don't understand
A babbling fountain
I couldn't have planned

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so high
I swear I could have reached up
Placed my hands upon the sky
A radiant rainbow was following me around
With elevated senses I could see and taste sound

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so clean
Like a preacher on Sunday
My heart was serene
I waded into the water
I was bathed, I was drowned
Like all sinners before me
I knelt down on the ground

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for
Oh let me sleep forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for
Perhaps if I listen to it for 101st time and post the lyrics I will stop having to listen to it
L Seagull Aug 2016
Kettle that holds in the steam explodes
Kettle that controls it best is most functional
Never hold it in
Always control HOW you express it
"Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on the leash" from my fav Hozier song
L Seagull May 2016
Going through thin sheets of todays
flipping pages - skip the guidelines
get straight to pictures like BOOM
quick gratification, emotion into your face
temples throbbing flashed
then soothing wave of indifference
press on the flash button,
drain the feeling aching
with absence but proud of it still.
Get your cold cereal in the morning
Follow up with sorrowful
Fate into oblivion
I'll pray for the bright grain
Of potential that once inspired me.

I threw the pills out today,
let them fly out the window
Will be greeting my anxious sister
With her eyes spinning out of context
In a few, but hoping she'll bring
her driven girlfriend along
I need to play with these passions
Can't spend another day in this swamp
Of passive submission
Gonna dance on the imaginary grave
Of my peace
Let the hell spin with heaven,
Nothing in between merging
At the edge of feeling
Too insane for the in-betweens.
L Seagull May 2017
When submerged
There are two outcomes
To allow oneself to drown or to
Fight for your air
But either way
The soul will go on
It's way a lot further
Than you knew
L Seagull May 2016
I stare into the void inside of me
Suddenly immersed into darkness
In dim light I stumble upon
Bits and pieces
The whole is disintegrating
I panic, you can see it in my eyes
I lose myself the boundary of my mind
I feel - it's tangible, covers me with a wave of
Heat or moisture or frustration, depression anger, sweat or tears
Is it me or you this time - I never know
For a moment I am lost in the speechless uncomfortable coexistence.
I feel you!
I feel you so much I cannot feel myself anymore.
Takes time to find way back into presence
Fear on one side is the root of my
Awareness, my greatest strength
Yet so difficult to explain or understand
Anxiety, the human condition
Root of self-knowledge
Worth so much more than a
Superficial word
L Seagull Apr 2017
Upside down world this is
Where even Alice would
Loose her tracks
This forest inside uncontrollable
Lack of purpose
The path is squirming
From left to right
Leading nowhere
But puddles of
Unidentifiable earning
Somewhere between bitter coffee
And lack of sleep
The absence of inspiration
Is seeping at a childhood dream
Air is free of substance
Like the dungeon of a
Crashed butterfly
Fly away little bird
...insect... whatever it is that
Makes you feel safe
The winged mouse
The pterodactyl of your own creation
Tell me what is that truth
That strings all these beads
Into a sufficient reason
To continue the conversation
L Seagull Jan 2017
Flame not to put off
But direct
Or dust it up with some coke
Until it only grows
And I am a ******* dragon now
And I will **** you just with my silence
Been so angry after this New Years. Could have been an amazing time if my husbands BF didn't hit on me and my BF didn't keep on forcing my tripping on mushrooms authentic and unpretentious self to be fake like some idiotic perk only to accommodate her traumatized agony
L Seagull Jun 2017
Black crow why do you
Sing of fear louder
Than you breathe
The soft embrace of non existence
Is comforting beyond hope
And your hope is
Berried so deep underneath
Scraps of sharp memories
And sweat drenched dirt
That step in the direction of
Unknown makes you fall
Before you feel the ground under
The soles of your tired feet
Why don't you leave, dark bird?
Sitting here perched on the windowsill
Ever so unnoticeably
Glancing at the faces of the living
Urning for something
To remind you of
What you thought yourself to be
With not a grain of sympathy
Abusing only to relate
Quiet, bird, don't spill
The effort don't be like those
Accustomed to play the
Assigned roles
This isn't your tree but you may rest here
And I grew accustomed to
Your quiet noises and loud
I love silences the most
For the wisdom
Of simply coexisting
In proximity
That is always comparative
Always devastatingly far
And dreadfully close
And if I wanted you to go
All I need is ask you to stay
Something inspired by Poe and pervasively imminent goodbyes. Farewell
L Seagull Mar 2018
does the air smell fresh at the root
of all histories where rhythm and heart beat
still merged as a pulse from the core
of the earth and the sun is closer
to the heart of all things
life giving and dangerous
warm and eternal in the face
of a fly with a universe inside
does your heart sing when the foot
kisses the dirt that nourished your tree
do you swirl with the drumroll and
discover your right to be free?
there is no art without inner freedom
L Seagull Apr 2017
Is what I feel on my tongue
Every time I attempt
To utter a phrase
In a futile direction
My rationality
Cannot cope with pointlessness
But  like an unstoppable
Energizer bunny
I go ahead despite it all
L Seagull Apr 2017
Thy breathing is about to cease. Thy guru hath set thee face to face before with the Clear Light; and now thou art about to experience it in its Reality... wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky, and the naked, spotless intellect is like unto a transparent vacuum without circumference or centre
Another passage from The Tibetan Book of the Dead
L Seagull Aug 2016
Green leafy sea and rocky layers of blue
Yellow sky floods the windshield
Atmospheric feels so deeply
And unexpectedly
blessed by the full rainbow
in awe
The sky is colors and lights strangely
Intermixed into such glorious pattern
Of day and night and dawn
peering through and embracing each other
Gratitude is all I have
To breath another breath
To see this world alive
On our way to see Niagara Falls
L Seagull Mar 2017
Take care take very good care
As the sun rises and the steps
Fall into an all too familiar
With all the comfort you could ask for
Take care take very good care
Responsibilities and love entangled
Food and drink,
Butts to wipe,
Cheeks to kiss
Love to instill,
Rainbows and heros
I see them all in the hopeful eyes
My myssion
Take care take very good care
Of all who open the door
To ask for a hug and share their story
Noting is more precious than trust
Those genuine moments of being needed
Shared warmth only adds to
The fire of livelihood inside
Take care take very good care
Of the one who cares most
Who provides food, love, faith and advice
Despite anger and frustration
Don't ever forget the weight of worries
On his responsible shoulders
Don't forget to give back
Even though he never asks
Take care take very good care
Of the familiar spirit that always
Keeps company
The world never felt full enough without
The knowledge there is another mind
So connected so felt so conflicted so different
Take care take very good care
And be always grateful
Motto for the day
L Seagull Sep 2016
What's there between the feeling
And the vast confusion it creates
Between the chest and teeth
Something stuck and bulging
Unnatural quivering of the vessels

And yet the meaning never faltered
And while I feel so small
Looking into the dark hole of
Never and ever
I still hold on to the thinnest possibility
Of seeing meaning behind those curtains

Talent is goddesses' weapon
I wasn't created a mirror to be pretty
Still much to learn but certain of this psychic
They say powerful yet
Feeing so fragile in the face of overcoming
Emotion that invades intermixed
Oh what a mess of feeing
Can't know my own from another's
When all I feel is you and me is a
Shadow on the background
Mere reflector that sees inside another
So unknown to myself
And ever lost

Yet my feet never stopped never strained
From the path on which
I knew only the direction
Of the next step
And now as never before
I am filled with faith
That what needs to happen will
Through you and me
I am definitely a work in progress. And proud of it)
L Seagull Jul 2016
I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, costs nothing to touch
War makes money, cancer sleeps
Curled up in my father and that means something to me
Churches and dictators, politics and papers
Everything crumbles sooner or later
But love, I believe in love

I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, no borders to cross
Love is simple, hate breeds
Those who think difference is the child of disease
Father and son make love and guns
Families together **** someone
Without love, I believe in love

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love
L Seagull Sep 2016
Crawling from underneath the
Power which cannot be owned
Nor contained an illusion obsession
A lethal compulsion and ever present
All absorbing shadow
You are engulfed and deformed
Power you could only wear but never fully

To stand up and carry yourself
Under the light of your truth
Faithfully catching reflection
Never escaping
The only way to liberate
Pure and transcending
So much more than power itself
Been watching Lord of the Rings, yet again)
L Seagull Oct 2017
Fifteen Million Merrits
Wonder what u think
L Seagull Mar 2018
Standing by the shore
Staring your eyes out to
Catch a glimpse of change
Seeking it in the
Water distorted by ripples
Swallowing the waves
Of aversion bubbling up
To the surface of your
Expression, threatening to
Tear through the screams
And tears of depair
Stifling existence of being
Hidden in plane sight  
Whatever could be different
If I stay here and wait
For the water to change my reflection?
Change ... metamorphosis
Run from desolation
Scream for unity
With the very essence of life
The core of my nature
That sings loud in the wind
And fills me with contentment
The very purpose of my
Existence was berried so deep
In the cavern of unfulfilled dreams
Will I dive into the
Unfamiliar water
Allow myself to be carried
By the current unforeseen
Shall I stare while eyes can see
Until the final darkness comes
Or maybe... just maybe
If the wind blows courage into me
I can dive into myself
Miles under the distorted reflection
And be moved by the water
Ever so slightly
As I descend
Towards the center of all things
New beginnings
L Seagull Feb 2017
Small boat with two names
Cutting the waves gliding
Always doubting its direction
In the light of day
Failing feeling written on the golden side
Strangest of names as if
Doomed is the cause
And with a sense of cause
It floated on allowing itself
To be moved by the waves
Sipping an everlasting
Cocktail of faith and doubt
So bland in the sun
In the storm she was something different
Powerful and persistent
She turned into a Warrior
Powerful enough to hold oneself
Within the strength to give hand to another
To dare step outside the line
Compulsively to disengage with
Each and every prescribed pattern
So much energy in the storm
So alive and engaged
And at the light of day tearing at seams
From comfort of warm summer waters
Conflicted boat waiting for the right moment
Of illumination to match
The inner urge to dive deeply
Poor effort to explain procrastination. Feeling ever so slightly justified
L Seagull Aug 2017
Wisdom has no race
Intellect has no limitation
Let curiosity reach for deeper
See adventure in expanding
Your universe
See through millions of eyes
And understand with
Myriads of minds
At the core of humanity
All is familiar
You are infinite when you
L Seagull Sep 2016
Forever strangers like molecules
Bouncing off each other in directions
Similar or opposite often unpredictable
Often uncontrolled
So before the eternal chaos takes the molecules
Apart what was that you wanted to know
What was that you wanted to say
Before the world comes to an end
Communication is a two way street. Sometimes we lead sometimes we offer the other to take charge
L Seagull Oct 2016
Gentle breeze engulfing every bit of
Sadness that was left it blew away
With the salt air and flocks of seagulls
Under the warmth of my children's palms
Loving heat the best of all things I ever created
Taking the moments one at a time and
Forever wishing to be more present
Yet feeling a tinkling of distant thought
The grey area of fatal uncertainly
Ever pulling in some ironeously
Self-destructive direction no amount of
Education could possibly eradicate
A glimps of the deadly silhouette the one
My insanity wished to befriend
She is here inexplicably near or is she not?
Was she ever not? that is a better way to place the question
Strange and creepling I know she is wishing
As maybe I am in some deep down irrational cave where
Fear decides to embody the joy of motherhood
Maternal towards that which never wished me well
By definition untrustworthy never proving me wrong
Yet in this vast sensory symphony by the sea
The attraction of my singularity to the core of all things
Is only beyond my comprehension
Yet forever existing in accord with some universal order
And I wish I saw her eyes
L Seagull Jan 2018
Leave no place for confusion
It is only the breath of air
Through a story long told
Never spilled from your mouth
I am here to hear it
Present with you
Here and now
Keep the space between us
Pure and distant just enough
And I will follow you
Into your deep
Calm breathing... exhalation... it’s all good
L Seagull Jun 2016
Can't be at ease in the comfort
Of fuzzy untruth this is only a
Slice of reality and I have no feel
For its limited nurturance
This cup of coffee isn't my cup of tea
Missing the edge of purpose
Needing the pull of importance
Isn't within me I am but a tool
In creators tool box
A fool for the thrill of ultimate
So weak and crumbled when dust
Settles in my cracks
I need to see within further beyond and
Out of this world
I need to feel the warmth of your
Souls breath
Embrace your pain
For mine was ever lonely
Always dropped by another
It was too heavy they say
Cast iron it seemed
Nice to rely on its heavy duty
Wall of patience
I got used to it
Direction lost in a whirlpool
Limitations everywhere I turn
Reality reflects little of me
Little of the world
I never knew where I belonged
Only in this one on one
Staring void of all else
Shaken by the waves of
Their tormented natures
And life is beautiful
In the high pitched
Whine of a violins complaint
And I know no other way
To keep my livelihood
Than to be this joke of a savior
That is how I save myself
If I don't explode or run from life
L Seagull Jul 2019
Or do we play the same ****** game
And pull the strings
Integrity here please
L Seagull Apr 2017
A drop of rain
Ever so slightly
Changes the current of the oceans wave
It ripples and the vast whole
Responds without protest

Staring into my reflection
On the glistening surface of water
So fluidly constant
I find myself containing
Every glance into the depths
Of another soul
I absorbe and discover it  
In the universe inside my mind
Your darkness has a place in me
Now it filled the vacant place
And you find that even snake
Can care enough
To fear and long
And though I placed a particle of me
Inside the dungeon of this
Hurt consciousness
I know the difference
Enough to stay with light
And trust only those
Whole enough to know the truth
My supervisor, the one who so desperarely tried to convince me that I cannot do my work, is fired and I am being hired. There's justice in the world)
L Seagull Jul 2016
Character sprouts and spreads
And penetrates the view the action
And response
Does this skin fits my inner world?
Does my inner world fit my outfit?
Blanket embroidered with a portrait of
Your heart's temple and a flag to your war
Is it a boldly stated truth undoubtful axiom?
Is this changing shape metamorphosis
Faithfully truth to her essence?
While stretching it's limbs  
Transforming it's tangible qualities...
The flexible substance is essence of the Constance
Do you find such substance in what's expected?
Do you follow instructions compulsively
Step by step towards a ready made final product?
Character defined and well understood
With a resounding hahaha and a polite distance
The character in keeping the face and the stiff upper lip
Giving lip service to the leaders and those to be followed on Twitter
Hiding the angst in the nights embrace
Facing the morning as must be done
Over and over and over
With much character for others to see
L Seagull Jan 2017
Did I forget to be your therapist?
Perhaps after I get that check
In my mail
I will apologize
L Seagull May 2017
Overstepping the limit
The line once drawn by
The enmeshment of all familiar faces
Conditionally loving their reflection
In my face
The pain of falling
Of being alone in the dark is so
Overwhelmingly tangible
But ones who dare
Ones who soar high
And fiercely live
Fall into themselves
Off the cliff of familiar
And into the unknown
But deeply felt
Of creative release
L Seagull Aug 2017
Do not spit in the well - you might be thirsty by and by.
To those who think filters aren't important: Good luck drinking your spit when you find the well unfortunate enough
L Seagull Aug 2016
Endless fight
What comfortable tension
I know your buttons
You produce exciting reactions
A child of war
Peace is only a word
Sinonimous with non existence
White dove that ate the olive branch
Too hungry for heavenly symbols
Indifference is the only
Impalpable flavor
L Seagull Jun 2016
Agitation twisting thought pressing
Inside my temples swirling pain
Of uncertainty something to endure
Overcome without giving in to the doubt
I need a reliable honest shoulder
Lost my objectivity somewhere on the way
Reality feels boggy and the hearing dulled
To the call I heard some time ago
Doubt everything: you, me, truth, air, purpose
Simultaneous wish to fall apart into pieces
And to run in the direction felt as ultimate
Fluidity of perspective is the only truth
Mainstream thought is an enemy
My mind perceives as mystery, can't see it
Feel it, need it, respect it
Yet living in seclusion is my greatest fear
I see everyone around me
Yet so confused inside myself
I'm tired of myself, can I exchange my brain for someone elses?
L Seagull Jan 2018
Swirling loose ends of
Anger and tenderness
Dangerous confusion
Of everything there is to feel
About any one thing
So complex
Intimidating vastness
Which way to go
Run or hold onto
Choice ever so difficult
Run and a piece of mind
Will always stay behind
Hope for the best
And you will lose yourself
In deception
Of wishful thinking
Perhaps I can hold on to
Reality and treat it
Based on the face it shows
But never let go
Friendship is a hard task. When friend let’s you down, should you except fri nds limitations or put a cross on the relationship? And if the friend let you down and didn’t regret it - can u see his perspective and yet hold on to the sense of fairness and not let go of relationship? So confusing...
L Seagull Jul 2017
Ego is full of words
Peace is speechless
It has nothing to prove
It accepts pain with a smile
And thanks the Earth
For the gift of feeling
When choosing between acceptance and disillusionment remember the pure state of unknown. Life envelops by some grand scenario. I chose to have faith in it.
L Seagull Mar 2017
Slippery confusion is all there is sometimes
When you look at life as something
That is supposed to make sense
Drown it in liquor or cover with kisses
Only that which is unfelt
Can be truly controlled
If only I knew what all of this means...
L Seagull Jan 2017
To inhale and release
Or to excercise and be an adult
Maybe to write the list of chores
So I can pretend I am an adult
While rebelling against it
Maybe inhale and go to gym
Oh... but then I'll be tied in knots
From sweaty dudes looking at me
It makes me angry
Worse off when they start talking to me
Why do they get me so angry?
Why did that narcissistic *** gay colleague of mine
**** me off so much - I know that beach is competitive
But I thought our cause should make us a little
Bigger than weighing ourselves on the scale of
Who is the most popular
I used to think highly of him
Now I got a little war going on
And there is even something satisfying about it
My other colleague stupidly aligned with
The gay ***** so I showed her a little dramma
You know - a heartbroken kind of drama
Oh she felt so bad, following me all doggy eyed
**** her she deserved it
I was actually kind to her
Now she feels like ****
Because she's been bullied most of her youth
And it's hard to flip from victim into an *******
Many things make me angry
Thinking about getting angry makes me angry
I shall inhale
Nothing wrong with being gay (I am bisexual myself), just don't like ****** immature people. As for the rest - sometimes I need a beak from being thoughtful and serious
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