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662 · May 2016
Mother's message
L Seagull May 2016
Hey there boy, I have a message
Mommy sent the dove to deliver...
Said you were alone lately
Conquerer of the world, silly
Playing your games to forget
Do you?
Come let's bathe you in sacred waters
Permiate with sunlight
Your painful nature
Darkness always was and always will be
Like you shall always remain a human.
Come put your sorrows upon my lap
Let me stroke your fear
Hidden behind your ear
Your weary eyes your childlike smile...

The terror crutch is broken
Lend me your hand
I hope to see you walk.
Let's make the first step
I won't let go.

Demons under your pillow
Born yesterday they mustn't stay
Today is new to touch the fate
With faithfulness.

Sleep deeply darling,
Mommy won't leave
I will quietly stay by your side.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. Thank you mom for teaching me to love!
656 · Jun 2016
Frustrated
L Seagull Jun 2016
Meek your *** dear
Weak thinking dear
Limited as a ruler
Trying to stuff what
You don't get into a box
Too small, hoping
Maybe held in a pocket
It will be easier to
Comprehend
By the brain too tired
To be open
Some people think weakness when shown defines a person. How limited is that? Everyone who achieved anything in life did so in part because of all the challenges they had to overcome
651 · Feb 2017
Boat with two names
L Seagull Feb 2017
Small boat with two names
Cutting the waves gliding
Always doubting its direction
In the light of day
Failing feeling written on the golden side
Strangest of names as if
Doomed is the cause
And with a sense of cause
It floated on allowing itself
To be moved by the waves
Sipping an everlasting
Cocktail of faith and doubt
So bland in the sun
In the storm she was something different
Powerful and persistent
She turned into a Warrior
Powerful enough to hold oneself
Within the strength to give hand to another
To dare step outside the line
Compulsively to disengage with
Each and every prescribed pattern
Unfelt
So much energy in the storm
So alive and engaged
And at the light of day tearing at seams
From comfort of warm summer waters
Conflicted boat waiting for the right moment
Of illumination to match
The inner urge to dive deeply
Poor effort to explain procrastination. Feeling ever so slightly justified
649 · Oct 2016
To my husband
L Seagull Oct 2016
You are the backbone when I collapse
The blanket on a snowy day
My morning shower companion
Who feels like the extension of my skin
The smell of comfort on the pillow next to mine
When I wake up alone
My overstuffed feeding target
And the epicenter of my earthquakes
That I can neither resist nor withstand
The promise, faith, meaning and forgiveness
All in one person whom I could never lose
I love you, as I always did and always will
L Seagull Jan 2017
Feeling it with every fiber
Existence and emotion
Calling to escape through vibrations flowing
From your heart and through your mouth
Unnecessary... defend... keep this tender reality
Where it won't be offended
Boundary and self-respect
Must find each other somewhere
On the pages of this year's calendar
Resolution for next New Year's Eve - no mushrooms in the club! Way too raw
638 · May 2017
It's all good kid it's ok
L Seagull May 2017
All alone in the world is what we are
The rest is but an illusion the rest is temporary
I look outside the window
Pigeons are picking up crumbs
Just like they did centuries ago
The winged dinosaurs of our time
And I am a dinosaur - too big to fit into a
Comfortable frame
I see too much, feel too much, love too much
Hurt too much, think too much
But I don't mind, let it be
I treasure this truth
It injects life into my veins
Pain gives inspiration
It links me to another
When I dive into their eyes
In search of humanity
And gather pearls on unity
That wrap me up with warmth
Of a thousand hearts
With it I am not afraid
To sease and never be again
And when I look my death
Into her cold empty sockets
I  will praise it for teaching me
To be greatful
L Seagull Jul 2016
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size  
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,  
The stride of my step,  
The curl of my lips.  
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,  
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,  
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.  
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.  
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,  
And the flash of my teeth,  
The swing in my waist,  
And the joy in my feet.  
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered  
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,  
They say they still can’t see.  
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,  
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my *******,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.  
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.  
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,  
The bend of my hair,  
the palm of my hand,  
The need for my care.  
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
L Seagull Jul 2017
Tied by a rope to the image
Of familiar comforting predictable
Misery seeing not the truth you cling
Like a baby to the cold hateful mother
She drags you through cities and islands of
Solitude filling you up on hate like
Rotten breast milk
They say you're a hopeless case
Unfit for true greatness for you have
So little to give
I say you Fear life more than death
Too many chances to take
Too many disappointments to endure
For the fickle heart Lost and confused
Child full of love
Don't listen to it's song
It only aims to fill you with disdain  
To embrace the hate in you
As one more comforting hateful failure
That proves it was right
All along
Something on a sense of pointlessness you get when watching someone digging its own grave. "He" or "she" doesn't really fit for a person who kills ones own humanity and intone who believes in it

Sometimes people mean so much to us for no apparent reason. And sometimes those people are so full of self hateread they'll **** you just to prove how hatable they truly are. Even if you are the only person in their life who cares about them, and they do care about you somewhere deep underneath all the layers of dirt they cover themselves with for protection. So you stay in the periphery because you are a solid enough person to understand it all and not let in the spit of a snake you knew was venomous. And because nothing it hisses in your direction matters unless you already though that about yourself. And if you do - the thing you need to deal with is yourself, not the snake. But it's impossible to have relationships with those types. So you just stay in case they need you, in case they ever dare to let humanity in. It is oh so scary to them, those little neglected and abused children full of hate
601 · Jan 2017
Undefinable
L Seagull Jan 2017
In between the Milky Way and the black holes
Of the universe inside of this ever expanding mind
Growing only to see itself ever smaller
Humbled truth feels the most
Adoring
The fragile perfection of sparkles inside the morning dew
And the mind flows in all directions and thoughts
So random but in this infinite state
Logic is only a string you use to control the
Beads of experience and sometimes it helps
And in other times you get a glimpse
Of something unfathomably familiar
And you know that no matter how much Blessings you gathered in life
Without a contact it left an empty space
Or was it there since before the beginning
What DO I know in fact that cancels the
Clarity of the feeling that through a sideways
Glimpse I captured a snapshot of home
In the strangest of places
All this rumbiling cacophony of worlds
Yet again fails to explain
The absence of logic in something
That is beyond logic for it is
The meaning
And despite it all
Life goes on
You play your part
The way you must
The way you feel
And you still know so little
Feeling the truth on the periphery
597 · Sep 2016
Wanderwoman out of work
L Seagull Sep 2016
**** was I ever involved into something
That felt a bit more meaningful
Than day after day after day spinning this wheel
Like a **** idiotic squirrel
But I sure can face paint for three hours
At some god forsaken block party
Simply not to engage into any shallow conversations
Eat a full meal
And get lice...
Yes, it wasn't a misspelled
Love
Could someone come scratch my head please?
****, I'm itchy!
591 · Aug 2016
In memory of Robin Williams
L Seagull Aug 2016
That strange beautiful dark sparkle in your eye
Or the velvety dark ******* in the light and night
Something in your eyes like
Wisdom or hopelessness
A particular calmness of a person
Who works hard to keep smiling but
With that smile is so **** inspiring
Yet escaped
No money or fame or success helped
To lift up the dying spirit He
Could not breathe the air of limitless
Possessions
Knowing the heart of the livelihood is missing
Entirely and tragically
So he left and closed the door
Money or popularity are not the answer. Live to be alive the most you can be without paying a high price of loosing yourself. And create, always create!
586 · Nov 2016
Giving thanks
L Seagull Nov 2016
Thank new day for the change
Thank moment for curious uncertainty
Thank body for the will to comfort and be comforted
Thank history for a key to life without mistakes
Thank water and air for connecting all that is alive
Thank those who love us for recognizing our essence
Thank death for teaching me the meaning of life
Thank truth for keeping me on track
Thank sky for the first snow
Thank hearth for the crackling blaze and mysterious beautify of danger
Thank future for the image of possibility
Of that which might never happen
But is always possible
Cancel the turkey, give thanks and pray for dead Indians
L Seagull Jun 2016
A young body, light
As winter sunshine, a new
Seed's bursting promise,
Hung from a string of silence
Above its future.
(The chance of choice was never known.)
Hunger, new hands, strange voices,
It's cry came natural, tearing.

Water boiled in innocence, gaily
In a cheap ***.
The child exchanged it's
Curiosity for terror. The skin
Withdrew, the flesh submitted.

Now, cries make shards
Of broken air, beyond an unremembered
Hunger and the peace of strange hands.

A young body floats.
Silently.
L Seagull Mar 2017
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
******* i ******* hate you right now
Addendum: don't you dare show up anywhere near me, I'll spit into your ******* face, *****!
Inspired by my supervisor
569 · Sep 2016
The door is always open
L Seagull Sep 2016
It hasn't been long
Since the universe made
It's last spin
That knocked you off your feet
In the midst of this sickening swirl
You reach for the door ****
Thinking you were held captive
In this life you called prison
All it took to escape
Was lifting your eyes
To merge with that
Which had no labels
No judgements, no yesterdays
And no promising
tomorrows
Just as you came you shall leave
And the only thing constant will be
The ever returning
Eye ******* blue
Above your head
**** it, life is good and the sky is... Beyond words as always
566 · May 2016
Mint Tea and Sanity
L Seagull May 2016
Oh you dear random current
Flying curses in all directions
Unable to contain the positive
For longer than a few blinks of an eye
Mint tea with honey - it's soothing my moment
May I suggest you join
In this pointlessly pleasant ceremony?
Nothing is dying
No one is betraying
No One is all righteous...
Except of cause Yoda...
Mind is flying in random directions
Away from the here and now
I'll give you a harness for Christmas
...After I find my own)
Insanity is the death of me
The death I kissed in her mouth
Before I learned the lesson of breath
Then she slowly let go
But always in the back of my mind as
Unanswered question of overly emotional
And internally preoccupied
Possessed by feelings of others
I feel but do not KNOW
Something like this could drive you mad
In no time
Unless you find a way to use it.
And when you can't
Well then - goodbye sanity
I hope I'll see you again
I love tea!
L Seagull Jun 2016
Can't be at ease in the comfort
Of fuzzy untruth this is only a
Slice of reality and I have no feel
For its limited nurturance
This cup of coffee isn't my cup of tea
Missing the edge of purpose
Needing the pull of importance
Isn't within me I am but a tool
In creators tool box
A fool for the thrill of ultimate
So weak and crumbled when dust
Settles in my cracks
I need to see within further beyond and
Out of this world
I need to feel the warmth of your
Souls breath
Embrace your pain
For mine was ever lonely
Always dropped by another
It was too heavy they say
Cast iron it seemed
Nice to rely on its heavy duty
Wall of patience
I got used to it
Direction lost in a whirlpool
Today
Limitations everywhere I turn
Reality reflects little of me
Little of the world
I never knew where I belonged
Only in this one on one
Staring void of all else
Gone
Shaken by the waves of
Their tormented natures
And life is beautiful
In the high pitched
Whine of a violins complaint
And I know no other way
To keep my livelihood
Than to be this joke of a savior
That is how I save myself
If I don't explode or run from life
563 · Jul 2016
Believe (Elton John)
L Seagull Jul 2016
I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, costs nothing to touch
War makes money, cancer sleeps
Curled up in my father and that means something to me
Churches and dictators, politics and papers
Everything crumbles sooner or later
But love, I believe in love

I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, no borders to cross
Love is simple, hate breeds
Those who think difference is the child of disease
Father and son make love and guns
Families together **** someone
Without love, I believe in love

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love
556 · May 2016
Rubaiyat/ Omar Khayyam
L Seagull May 2016
XXXIII.
There was the Door to which I found no Key:
There was the Veil through which I could not see:
Some little talk awhile of Me and Thee
There was - and then no more of Thee and Me.
553 · Oct 2018
No none sense
L Seagull Oct 2018
Silence sings
What words are
Tired of repeating
Ripe as an oval that
Flows staccato crisp
Consciousness
Is a choice
In those eaten
By hungry
Anxiety
Another day when I got no desire to keep beating the dead horse. Nonsense is to continue a conversation with someone who keep begging to be abandoned. As they say in Russia - don’t spit into a well you wish to later drink from. So... want to **** on a relationship, then deal with having no one interested in your f...ing needs
L Seagull Jan 2017
Did I forget to be your therapist?
Perhaps after I get that check
In my mail
I will apologize
Profusely
543 · May 2017
Happy Birthday, my little
L Seagull May 2017
From morning to dawn
Whipping mixing baking smelling
Handfuls of what I can't resist
To give
My love for you
Only to see you
Munch it away
The cutest sight
Why
Feeding you feels
So satisfying?
I do hope my little birthday pea doesn't get affected too much by my uncontrollable desire to stuff her with food all day long
541 · Mar 2017
Conscious mess
L Seagull Mar 2017
Slippery confusion is all there is sometimes
When you look at life as something
That is supposed to make sense
Drown it in liquor or cover with kisses
Only that which is unfelt
Can be truly controlled
If only I knew what all of this means...
541 · Sep 2016
Out of the shadow
L Seagull Sep 2016
Sullen irony of the estranged
Ever homeless always
Somewhere on the home bound trail
With a Phoenix of hope
Killed by day and reborn
Under a symphony of moon light
It never ends until
It's done and only time
Keeper knows when the clock strikes
The rhythm of your finale
So shall I  step from the shadow
To be or hide to be seen?
Daily ruminations
536 · Aug 2016
Reason
L Seagull Aug 2016
Happy
Must be exhilarated so lucky
So loved and cherished
So devoted and not without
Some wisdom of that which is all
Spark once penetrating the vision
Yet darkness was ever present
Years after years night and day
Same color of despair
Only a feeling
But powerful enough
To drive you mad
So darkness is all you wish
To surround yourself with
Only to feel at home
Suffered from depression since I was 13. It suddenly lifted a few months ago, so I am learning to be a new me. It almost feels unsettling
535 · Aug 2016
Summer camp is a good time
L Seagull Aug 2016
Backyard on the grass temperature raising
I feel a pulsating heat of energy inside my core
It feels right easy effortless
To breathe in the scent of your skin and
Melt into your fingertips
Oh how you feel me so well
Like you always did
To my husband, the love of my life
L Seagull Oct 2017
Step out of the car and enter a blacked out state of mind
My face is ****** and there are tears in my eyes
And all i can think of is whats buried underneath
surely life grows under this concrete

My hands are sweaty as i pick myself up alone
And i gather whats left of my pride and float towards my home
Two days later im still asleep
Then life wakes me up with a badge on my sleeve

When will the be over?
And who is really to blame?
And when can i start dreaming?
Make my dreams become wings and fly away

And i have covered every range of my emotions
But i got more anger in me than all the waves of the ocean
And i am trying to say the things to make you stay
But i cant take back what he has taken from me

And healing has come so **** painfully
And now i refuse to let anyone get close to me
Each flashback chills me to my every bone
im damaged you see in case you want to go

when will this be over?
And who is really to blame?
And when can i start dreaming?
Make my dreams become wings and fly away
Fly away
Fly away
whooooooooooo
520 · Mar 2017
To live or to create
L Seagull Mar 2017
As fire crackles emitting
A pleasant aroma ever so
Comfortable
Long ago I remember
The scent of lonely freedom
When transcending the feeling
Was the best high I could
Reach and oh how liberating
Now from day to day I scrape just enough minutes
For a quick scetch,
A few notes on my old piano
Maybe a poem or two
Your words that almost always
Sound like I knew them already
From some strange long ago
People I meet hugs I share
Puzzles I solve
Guidance I give
Presence with their spirit
I am living but
Spirit of adventure
Creativity
Freedom
Bravery
Still make me cry
As if I missed something
I was born to achieve
Constant source of worry... this time actually inspired by the latest Disney cartoon Moana. Made me cry a few times
518 · Jun 2017
Attachment to the unknown
L Seagull Jun 2017
Black crow why do you
Sing of fear louder
Than you breathe
The soft embrace of non existence
Is comforting beyond hope
And your hope is
Berried so deep underneath
Scraps of sharp memories
And sweat drenched dirt
That step in the direction of
Unknown makes you fall
Before you feel the ground under
The soles of your tired feet
Why don't you leave, dark bird?
Sitting here perched on the windowsill
Ever so unnoticeably
Glancing at the faces of the living
Urning for something
To remind you of
What you thought yourself to be
With not a grain of sympathy
Abusing only to relate
Quiet, bird, don't spill
The effort don't be like those
Accustomed to play the
Assigned roles
This isn't your tree but you may rest here
And I grew accustomed to
Your quiet noises and loud
Silences
I love silences the most
For the wisdom
Of simply coexisting
In proximity
That is always comparative
Always devastatingly far
And dreadfully close
And if I wanted you to go
All I need is ask you to stay
Something inspired by Poe and pervasively imminent goodbyes. Farewell
L Seagull Jan 2018
Questionable verdicts
Lead only deeper into the forest
Judgment never saved the day
We flow with the circumstances
Only hoping that another
Would do their best to
Be a fair comrade
Silly though it is
When their hobby is
To put on a mask of
I’m here for you
Only to take if off as soon
As your guard is down
With their glib grin
Enjoying your naive
Denial of everything
They believe themselves to be
So do you go?
Do you adjust the expectation?
I chose second
And yet the mask goes up again
What for? To remind me
Of a moment’s weakness when
I allowed myself to entertain
A thought that you
Could be so much better than this?
Can’t stop being myself
And there’s still a sense of purpose
In being present with
All your masks and deceptions
But can you stand
Awareness of your reflection?
How terrifying is it
To sit staring into silence
That isn’t even the silence
But the unspokenness of
Your own worst fears
That no one but you stirred up
Like orange juice in the coffee
You spoil your own drink
Because thirst is what you know best
And the moral of the story
Is somewhere where the
Intention was lost
What do you do with a relationship in which you are deceived as much as needed? I suppose starting with adjusting your expectations is the way to go. It can’t be friendship if I start associating your offer of help with feeling betrayed. And I wish you never offered. I would never ask myself. So why the **** do you continue to offer? If you don’t actually wish for me to leave
515 · Apr 2017
Bardo of the dying
L Seagull Apr 2017
Thy breathing is about to cease. Thy guru hath set thee face to face before with the Clear Light; and now thou art about to experience it in its Reality... wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky, and the naked, spotless intellect is like unto a transparent vacuum without circumference or centre
Another passage from The Tibetan Book of the Dead
507 · Aug 2017
Purpose
L Seagull Aug 2017
The sun is rising
And it is yet again
Another opportunity
To do your best
At anything you partake
To give with open heart
To hear with open mind
To feel without skin
To grieve and remain connected
To be faithful to
What is trith
And hold on
To the meaning
You glimpsed through
Psychedelic haze
That all on earth is one
Therefore to give is to receive
And purpose is that where the flow
Carries you in the direction
Where all that is not you
Disintegrates into thin air
And you are left with
That which is exactly you
Where doubt is absent
Where the feeling of
Transcending something beyond
Your limited experience
Feeds you with nectar
Of that one thing
The most nurturing thing
That no crowds and cheering
Would ever replace
For it is true
Felt most deeply
That connects you to all there is
As a therapist I chose a path in life that turned out to be so much more difficult than I ever imagined. Being praised by professors for my "talent" felt rewarding and even more so seeing the lives of people I worked with change... like that one boy who I ended up writing my thesis on - abandoned by mom and raised in a dangerous neighborhood, suffering from PTSD and ADHD he was the most disruptive kid in his elementary school. In a month of working with him I uncovered that he did not believe he was lovable. I remember the feeling that this was maybe the most important moment I would ever have with him and how necessery it was to say the right thing. So I praised him for having a heart that has the most immense capacity to love which is a gift to treasure. He believed me. Next time I saw him he said he decided to change. The rest of the year I watched him trying for the first time in five years and I realized then that the gift of being so close to the innermost of another human being is the most fulfilling place I could ever have in my life. So I spend every second I have free to improve my craft so one day I can rightfully say I know enough to speak it loud and clear. But if I could I would never charge for what I do now. Because I gain more than I give. And it is a blessing that majority of people too bound to external validation would never understand. There is depth in true connection that is the most profound thing I ever experienced. Yes, it is very difficult to get started in this field because it is so subjective and so filled with conflicted insecure people who do not wish to help you if they think you might have more potential than they do. I have some real enemies who are very close to the top of my field so I have nearly no help from all those people who promised to help me get started in my career. But if I had to die today I would have a few moments to be truly proud of
P.S. I suffer from doubts so the rant above is just a way to shake them off. Not many can understand my path, particularly those who just like the majority of modern people are painfully self-centered
L Seagull Sep 2017
Don't hide from it
Understand where it's coming from
But do not try to change it
Don't give it fake forgiveness
It never meant to ask for
Don't try to prove it  wrong
Don't give it power over your self-worth
Hold on to your values
And stick by truth
Some things aren't meant to change. So best we can do is not to enable them
495 · Feb 2018
Presence
L Seagull Feb 2018
Silence isn’t an empty thing
It has volume it has shade and
A feeling ... so very contradictory
493 · Jan 2017
No thank you
L Seagull Jan 2017
Cuddle with a raven
Will you?
Beak and beady eyed
Sorrow on the pillow
It sprawls into
Distorted shapes of
Unpredictable uncertainty
Inner sense hasn't faltered for
Many moons, or did it?
Perhaps the thought of
Snoozing with a danger
seems thrilling
But wish for the encounter -...
492 · Feb 2018
Stay safe
L Seagull Feb 2018
Is it left or right
Where the coin should fall
To open the door
That I wish was closed
And perhaps it is only
An eye that beholds
The image of fear
That composed  the walls
Of the tallest castle
That I draped in burgundy
And a sent of shame
Or perhaps it is only
A reflection of the worst angle
And I would rather blame it on...
The mirror is broken
It’s foggy and cold and it
Does not know of
Desire to stay away
Covered in goosebumps and scars
Perhaps I need your truth
Like the  empathy of
Monsters under my bed
Life is a dangerous swamp
That pretends to be a swan lake
Clear under the ice
487 · Nov 2017
Sexual harassment
L Seagull Nov 2017
As I look into your cold needy eyes
Last thing I’ll do is feed you with my suffering
Watch my body being inaccessible
To your lowly trembling
My body is a magnet
To your self-loving evil
So  keep that shaking urge
And remember how
Someone saw you all the way through
Oh how uncomfortable
How vulnerable it feels
To be exposed in all your
Disgrace
Remember how someone did not fall
For your petty game
Little man
We both know
I am simply better than you
And none of your manipulations
Will diminish my self-worth
Imagining how I would cut his ***** off and burn it in front of him . Cheers
P.S. happy thanksgiving y’all
480 · Jan 2018
Tired mirror
L Seagull Jan 2018
The mirror refused to see
She dimmed and blurred
All that begged to be reflected
She was tired and speechless
A crippling sense of uselessness
Approaching like a midnight train
Shining with a loud squeaky terror
But with an ear for a story
476 · May 2016
Senseless intuition
L Seagull May 2016
It wasn't voices of bodiless spirits
Whispering sonnets of cruel advice
But a strange power of knowing
Like all things she discovered before
Unexplainable feelings
That led her like the tool she was
To the source of light and pain
Where destiny resided
Intuition that never faltered
That dawned and never left
This time senseless
Defying nature
Miracle of a different kind
Without proof or purpose
Simply feeling to stay around
Burdensome hurtful possessive.
Mind insisted to follow logic
Pride begged to save time
Her dreams getting stuck in line
Yet every emotion screams
With voice of awesome realization.
She lifted her head up
Yelling at the stars through
The dark ceiling
"Please make sense!
Enough ******* already"
Yet it quietly smiled, stayed
And grew and endured
And who is she to know
But an ant in the chain
Of universal purpose.
Sometimes life makes no sense
476 · Nov 2016
To feel
L Seagull Nov 2016
Does sand evolve
Into a millions pieces of
Bits of cosmos and our consciousness
Intermixed with dozens of generations
Of feet drowned into
A physical experience of this
Moment
Firmly planted in this
Coolness surrounded by the
Salty inhalations of
Something so alive it pains
One thing I wish for is
To
Feel
472 · May 2016
The tragedy
L Seagull May 2016
A-tisket and a wicked uber fella
I lost my jazz fest umbrella
And though I texted many times
He would not give it back

Was it yellow NONoNoNo
It was a black one for conservatives
And watermelony for insiders

And so it ***** and I'm upset
So I ordered a new one instead
471 · Sep 2016
Night
L Seagull Sep 2016
Crickets' song is tickling my ear
As I immerse myself into a
Humid warm darkness
This star filled splendor
Embracing my every cell
So inseparably containing
And I share it with all
That is alive
I inhale the experience
471 · Aug 2017
Illusion of control
L Seagull Aug 2017
As planets and moons eclipse
And the air is permeated
With expectation of supernatural
As if rebirth of the source of life
As if a mother suddenly left the room
And you are not yet walking to
Run after gripping her skirt
Left alone to contemplate your
Smallness and all you can do
Is to soak up the light and
Reflect on its impermanence
And the beauty of
Warm sunlight
Blanketed
By the queen of the night
All
There is
To constancy
Is permanent
Inconsistent
Temporary
Running away
From stillness and predictability
Another flight then another sleepless night
L Seagull May 2016
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening

People writing songs
That voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools, " said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
And the words that it was forming

And the sign said,
"The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
And whispered in the sound of silence
If I had words I would write this today
L Seagull Nov 2016
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
461 · May 2018
LOL
L Seagull May 2018
LOL
so what was about that Hellen of Troy
who confused the villagers when a big horse
line train interrupted the flow of the conversation
with a most vile tone imaginable just to make
the air smell like it's insides - hatable
They say Ms. Andrews liked to stop by
Just to help with gardening she was rather short
But resilient as a sense of urge for destruction
So here now, grow your courage to face
Another day
459 · Nov 2016
Dance on tip toes
L Seagull Nov 2016
Quiet whispering of anticipation
Like sweat covering the anxious thought
Tomorrow taking over present
What if the balance will never be found?
That other universe of mind
Unattainable vulnerability asking
For a slow dance on tip toes
Around and around and around once more
Averting the eyes not to step
On the soft spot void of essence
It is a chess game and at fault will be
The one who chose no role
Can't pave your way with honesty and kindness
Lost track of thought behind all the
Butterflies and bonfires in my stomach
The sudden heat of anger escaping
My face yet almost always unnoticed
The invisible rascal that tricks my thoughts
And escapes riding the words
Spilling off my tongue and then
Swallowed back like a cup of poison
Meant to be shared
The protector of the world from myself
Is always me in the afterthought
Erasing adequacy for the benefit of
Insecure spectator
Into forgotten chapter
Of samsara
The soothing forever
Of insight
At the end of repetition
447 · Dec 2017
Goodbyes
L Seagull Dec 2017
I swam in love today
Of dozens of tight squeezes
Coming from ever unnoticed
But such a bright heart ... many hearts
So many I cannot contain
How big the piece of my soul
That will always stay with them
How important is the presence
Of a deeper eye that
Connects us with our essence
And the beauty of our spirit
Give what you have not received
It is the greatest source
Not sure what’s next. Politics at work, people don’t like my influence. But the goodbyes where one of the most important experiences I ever had. How much meaning could be in small interactions, how much soul, how much love and meaning. Hearing what clients had to say feels too much right now. It wasn’t me, it was something that guided me. I do not deserve such praise
L Seagull Jul 2016
A seeker of higher meaning
And a wannabe demon
What unites us?
The strange empty feeling
Nothing really
Something about the hardship of staying
Discrepancy between going higher
Or falling lower into
Dark as a pit in the belly of the void
That feeling you cannot escape
Smirking tickling uncomfortably
Squinting as I try to look into its colors
Seeking something to drive away
Overwhelmed panicky lack of sense
To feel complete content and concrete
What do I need?
Perhaps some presence perhaps a breath
Warmth or consolation
Perhaps some kind of heaven
Perhaps a gentle warmth of ****** tide
Or the volcano at the bottom of the spine
Anything is
Never enough or else pointless...
The deep well of chaotic darkness
Penetrates the vision
It's in the color of blindness
In oblivion of madness
In the dark starvation
The ever present dementors' chorus
Frustrated vibration getting the better
Of me of you of the kid who starts the war
Inside his mind inside her heart
Between the legs and within the
Ever leaking grip that cannot contain
All there is to possess
Now inside out
Splattered seeds of distraction and devotion
Striving starvation eager to be filled
By the crispness of green
The redness of alive
Numerous eyes stroking along the length
Of the ego's handle
The kind of pit... food will rot first
Before reaching the bottom
The kind of void oozing odors
Of unfulfilled and fallen
Or desperately giving to avoid
The emptiness of the void
And from that pit I draw the breath
And on the long exhalation I look
OUT
Into the world reflecting the light
Of the ever exploding
Surrounded by texture
Cradling this smallness of a body
And I put the first line on
The smooth white surface
As if a question
And the answer will poor out
Not through the answerless limitations of the mind
But through the hand
Holding this pencil
L Seagull Oct 2017
What piece is left
When all is pointless
But silence and
A feeling of a gaping hole
Inside your stomach
The one that hides
Your dread
Of wasted life
Buried beneath
Mounds of heart shaped
Illusions
And truth there is one
Metamorphosis
Denied her right to change
Or fear of moving on
Lost in the dark space
Of your condemned mind
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