I am unfathomably heavy
Pinned down by the lead filling my body
Numbness seeps into my skin
My vision clouds over and sounds become muffled
My lungs are full of lead
I cease to breathe
It tastes lonely and complete
I am immovable
Dirt cascades across my face
Buried deep where I belong
Down in the burial grounds
Where my crushing weight goes unnoticed

In the trees
It is cold now
The wind creeps up and a chill trickles down my spin
The trees moan with the wind
I sink down to the soil
Laying down and shoving my fingers into the earth
They stretch and twist, flesh become plant
Not fingers but roots
Green shoots growing out of my body
Eyes turned towards the sky
Moon painting my face with pale light
A stunning realisation as I hear without ears
The trees do not moan, they sing
The wind sings
The earth hums with life
This is what I dreamed of
This is all I could ever need

I am a tight knot of chaos and impulse
I am erratic, spinning in a wild off kilter dance
I am poison to the beautiful things I love
I turn them sour with my touch

Skin is far too tight and thin.
It can not possibly contain the soul of me.
I hope I don't make a mess when it all gives way.

We carried his body back to shore. There was nothing we could do to stop this man hellbent on self destruction. He planned it out and wanted it more than anything. Here we are left to clean up, left to drag his corpse back to shore. His old weathered skin still holding that final smirk of satisfaction. I hope the water brought him peace, I hope the water calmed the war in his head.
Everything else is best left unsaid.
Goodbye old friend.

It is dark here
The folds of cloth sheltering
Smoke drifts by lazy in the air
The fear is present
Stay here
Stay underneath
It is safe here
My head rings loudly inside
Like a branding iron in my brain
Don't get up
The light makes it worse
Underneath is safe
Shut your eyelids
Let unconsciousness sweep the pain away

Chunks of brain litter the ground
Thoughts and dreams settle on the water like oil
Swirling and colliding in the night air
The sky breathes a great sigh
The land shivers cold
I stand where the sand meets the sea
A creature perched on my tongue
Side to side leaning preparing to soar out across the endless black above and below
I step into the inky waters, my legs disappearing beneath the surface
Wading out into calm waters that drop off to unknown depths
What swims below
Would they turn me away if I went sinking down
If I tried to become part of that dark world, untouched by human hands
Would I glow from the inside
If I sank down would my internal smouldering light the way
Would I be welcome with the squid and the murk
Would those quiet unmarred creatures sorround and keep me
Would the large eyes and many limbs understand the depths I must reach
Would they bring me down and help bury me in the silt at the bottom
Would they sweep the fine particles across me
Covering and comforting my restless skin
Would the dark and the stillness there bring the calm I crave
Would I be put to rest
Would I find peace