I lost myself trying to become
Everything you wanted me to be
Now you are gone
and I am finally free

But who am I?
I don’t know
I’ve lost your directions
Unsure of where to go

The future is uncertain
I fear the unknown
How will I fare
In the world all alone?

I will slowly transform
Become the real me
The one that I
Was always meant to be

you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved you are loved

please don't forget it

I was your best friend, 

But, one fine evening,

You surprised me by the words you said.
You, had proposed me that day,

And our relationship status got changed by words that day. 

I was quite happy because I knew, you will never take any wrong step. 
And will never break my heart,
And will never hurt me hard.

Best friends now had become boy friend and girl friend.

It was cute and different.

But that was not love, I thought. 

That was friendship from heart. 

You said, "it's love, true and pure love dear, you will also feel the same, spend some time other than being best friends."

Finally, one fine day some miracle might have had happened, 

I fell in love with you. 

It was truly a love relationship for me, by words and heart. 

From then some feelings really changed.

A few days later, you said, you want to confess something, 

I thought, you now might want to marry me. 

I was so happy, I can't share in words. 

I was waiting for your arrival.

Sayed, this was true and pure love- friendship, then lovers and then married couples.
I was awesome happy from core of my heart.

You came, but accompanied with a unknown girl,

And said, "let's be best friends again, because she is the girl for whom I have fallen in love forever."

"What about us?", I enquired.

"We! We were not made for love affair. Friendship is only ok for us."

I was shocked, surprised and shattered.

You have by then broken my heart.

It took long two years since then, 

To rise up and live again.

I, finally promised myself,

Not to fall in love again.

Then again we met on a cloudy day.

You said, you are single again.

Your words, your behaviour, your attitude,

All were strange that day.

I felt, I was talking to some stranger,
Who is not my best friend.

That night you came at my place again.

And said, "let's fall for each other again."

I was very sure with myself,
And rejected your proposal face to face.

You requested me to think over and over again.

"I am sure, I don't want to fall for you again."

Hearing my words, you left the place.

No talk, no promises, no connection since then.

And, now, after a decade, you have come again and saying,

"Tell me something so hurtful that I don't miss you forever."

Why such downmarket things you are speaking?

What I said that day, are still my words, today.

If this is not hurtful, then put yourself in my shoes,

And imagine how much hurt I have got,

Which had made the heartful girl so very heartless.

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.

Mother, please look at me,
Mother, please don't fear me,
Mother pay attention to me
Oh, mother please love me.
Please, oh please don't leave me
Please oh please don't forget me
I am your child, a part of you
Please never forget that I still love you.
We fight, bicker and all that stuff
Maybe my love just wasn't enough
Please don't go with him, please stay
Please don't go away for many days
Mother, please read to me
sing to me and dance with me
Oh..
make memories with me
Mother, please don't hit me
Please don't make me cry
You've made me die just a little bit inside
....
Mother, I hate you.
Why did you go
Oh, why do you hate me so?
You argue with me all the time
I remember the day you said " I wish you'd die"
I try to forgive you
I try to move on
But sometimes I just tend to hold on
There are many of the saddest things that happened to me
With other things that have ruined me
I wish you loved me like a mother loves her child in films.
Spending quality time with her and being a mother.
Maybe you're just annoyed or you just don't want me.
Maybe a happy relationship with your mother is only make-believe.
Maybe its only in films.
Or maybe it just doesn't exist.
Perhaps this is just MY fairy tale.
and others are better
Maybe things with my Mother just won't get better.
I think sometimes you cannot fix what is broken,
You cannot revive what is dead.
And maybe I'm just having a bad ending to this fairy tale.
The End.

Hey Mr, Could you tell me
Whats the best way to die?
There are so many different reasons
I don't know which one to try

Should I, Slit my wrists in a vertical direction
Watch the blood drip down, As a desperate need for affection
The blood draining from my body to surround me in a crimson red, would I finally then feel happiness spread

Should I, Overdose on drugs? Illegal or Prescription?
Feel the nausea and vomiting decay my body, As nobody ever listened.

Should I, Drown myself in the bathtub? Or the pool to make it public
The crushing pressure of my lungs collapsing, As if i am absolutely nothing. A burning feeling will spread through my chest as if I am to burst
But dont look down into the depth cause surely you'll feel worse

Should I, Step onto the highway? With all the cars at top speed
Allow the pain of my bones breaking, As I only wanted to be needed
The impact could still render me alive, But in a world of agonising pain, then everything I had done will surely be in vain

Should I, Light myself on fire? Or torch me and my home
Let the searing flesh melt off of me, As I was always left alone
They will hear my screams for miles to come, but know that it was me
As my charred corpse will remain, forever left unseen

Should I, Hang myself in the closet? Let my mother find me dead
Feel the tightening rope cut short my breath, As nobody heard what I said. My limp blue body will dangle down with a note left by my bed

Should I, Jump off a high building? A tall place with strong winds
For a moment I can fly away, before I splatter across the ground leaving nothing but my outline and some red

Should I, Shoot myself in the head? Allow myself to pull the trigger
A gunshot will echo, I'll fall to the ground, Then I would finally be dead.
I wouldn't feel a single thing just the hurt of those before me
It would be instant and over in a second, that way their tears wont bore me

So Mr, Could you tell me
The best way that I can die?
You've played this game before
So hurry there is no need to lie

Hey Mr,
Its not like you actually care
Whether I personally live or die
So hurry up and tell me
As he's waiting for me in the afterlife

I
am
healing
but I don't want you to take off your shoes in my home yet

I
am
healing
but I'm still afraid of your touch

I
am
healing
but while I'm healing, you're burning like a broken electric wire, and while you burn you bloom

so yes, I am healing
slowly
trembling
feeling numb
but healing