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8.2k · Apr 2019
Petrichor Petal Promises
Aspen Apr 2019
I remember that day
Sitting by the river
in your arms

The petals from the cherry blossom tree
fell into the flowing water

You made a promise that you will never let me go
Even when raindrops fall in my soul
Even when the storms stir my sea
You will never let me go
You will guide me to the rainbow
And the sweet smell after the rain
This was your petrichor petal promise

Then that day
When raindrops fell down in my soul
You left me alone...
And broke your petrichor petal promise



Now I sit by the same old river
that has the same flowing water
and the same cherry blossoms
But I was not in your arms

I then made my own
petrichor petal promises

That I won't fall so easily
Like the petals of the cherry blossom tree
I will continue to flow
Even when raindrops fall
I will guide myself to the rainbow
And the sweet smell of rain after the storm
The petrichor after the sorrow

These are my petrichor petal promises
to myself
Petrichor: The sweet smell after rain...Day 5 of the month long poetry challenge
2.7k · Mar 2019
Raindrops
Aspen Mar 2019
The day you left
Raindrops fell from the sky
Raindrops fell from my eyes
As memories flash back,
like lightening

-Later that day-
Red raindrops fell from my arms
into the water
staining the white porcelain sink

Drops
of drink
to help me forget
rained down into my mouth

My heart wept with raindrops of sadness
My soul broke and pieces fell like drops of rain
My sanity dripping away
From every inch of my body,
raindrops fell
2.3k · Aug 2021
Senior Year
Aspen Aug 2021
Last first days, time ticking
My time at high school falling
I should savor the moment
Live in the present
Before it all turns to dust

But how can I feel okay
When you're weren't here to stay?
You said I'll be fine and that I should be happy

I feel so disconnected
I'm going through the motions
And I don't know where I'm going

All my relationships feel meaningless
Can't compare them to what we had
Everything is changing so fast

Fighting, waves of the past, drowning
Screaming, but no one is listening
The world without you is so, overwhelming

I wish I weren't this complicated
I wish I could just live in the present
But my mind keeps going back to you
Without you nothing makes sense....

Guess I'll just keep feeling disconnected
And going through the motions
And not know where I'm going

Feeling like all my relationships are meaningless
Can't compare them to what we have
And face the fact
That you, and everything is changing too fast
Haha me having attachment issues and going through senior year without my best friend who left me for college. It's the second day and I already wanna die:)  

But yeah...you ever just, put all your eggs into one basket and have a very meaningful close relationship with one person and then when they leave you feel disconnected from everyone else because all your other relationships feel shallow and meaningless? That's me right now it's so fun.
2.1k · Apr 2019
Wildflowers
Aspen Apr 2019
Some girls are red roses
Romantic and loving
Bold and red

Some girls are sunflowers
They shining like the sun each time they enter the room

Some girls are carnations
They love the sisters that they have

Some are lilies
Tender, floating and graceful

Some are cherry blossoms
So pretty but only bloom for a couple of days

What kind of flower am I, you ask?

I am a wildflower
Nothing holding me back
I have the fire
Burning inside of me
I am a cage less phoenix
And no trap will trap me
I am the tameless spirit
Of a wildflower
Day 3 of month long poetry prompt challenge
2.1k · Nov 2021
Dinner Table
Aspen Nov 2021
The stove tops warm
The chattering of dinner conversation fill the air
We would talk about our day, or something funny that we found

Sometimes our hands would smell like newspaper ink
from an article you shared
Or you would make fun of the chubby catfish in the tank

The food warms our hearts, no restaurant could compare
The softness of the rice reminds me of the softness of your heart
The vegetables remind me of your love
The meat and tofu remind me to stay strong
and that you are someone I can rely on

Friends may come and go
And all of us grow old
But your laughter at the dinner table
Is something my heart will always know
This poem is dedicated to my mother. Her birthday is tomorrow and it also happens to be thanksgiving. Yes, sometimes we've had our rough patches, but I am so happy to have her in my life and I am so grateful that she is here.
1.6k · Apr 2019
Mermaid Memories
Aspen Apr 2019
You drew me in with your voice
With your touch
with your beauty

But then you swam to the dark blue deep
and you never came back

And all I was left with was
Mermaid Memories
of basking in the sun with you
of swimming alongside you
as the rays of sun shone through the water
and you combing my hair
and saying I love you

Memories of being there with you
All there is left
Mermaid Memories
Day 6 of month-long poetry prompt challenge
1.4k · Mar 2019
Dear Friend,
Aspen Mar 2019
Our texts went from paragraphs
to sentences
to one worded answers
to one sided conversations...
you only check on me for one to two days, then forgot me...

So tell me, do you really care about me? If you need me to leave, I will leave.
If you think that I am clingy and annoying, tell  me! I can leave...just tell me the truth...please!
Stop pretending, you won’t have to suffer, I want you to be happy...
even if I won’t be part of that happiness
Aspen Jul 2021
Was I just a puppet to you?
A simple pawn to your game?
Was my heart just your playground or the targets in your shooter's range?
Were those "dates" just a way to keep me blind from all your *******?
Was I just a simple flask for your little experiment?

You put on quite the show, you were quite the actress
You made "I love you" sound believable
Oh, how sad that this play had to end in a tragedy
Now the curtains close even though I thought the show was going to go on for eternity
I really thought that you were going to choose me
But our love was just a fantasy

I'm still in denial, seems like it's been a while
Even though it's only been 2 days
I'm losing sleep, I'm not eating
My whole body's shaking from this heartbreak

I want to stay but I'm losing faith
From the way you played my heartstrings
The hope that I was the one is gone
I guess I can congratulate you and say "well done"
You stabbed my trust with your thorns
You trampled my roses that I grew for you
I'm walking away, I'm not your toy
Go find someone else, go have fun with your new boy
So, I am taking this creative writing class and they said "write about anything". So I decided to write about how my best friend led me on for about two years. She kept on acting as though she liked me even though she didn't and I ended up catching feelings for her. She got a boyfriend two days ago and I feel like she played with my feelings. I'm still trying to determine whether or not to stay friends with her because we had such a beautiful friendship, but she hurt me. Anyway, sorry for the long rant and for people who are going through this...your not alone and you deserve so much better
710 · Jan 2020
Stranger in the mirror
Aspen Jan 2020
Where is home? Where is the place that I belong?
I stare into the mirror and see someone else
Long hair, makeup, wearing a dress
Why is my reflection a stranger?
Why isn't the place where my soul dwells
not a place I can call home?

Where is the place that I can go
when I need someone to rely on?
Where is the place where someone understands?
Where is the place where I don't have to hide?
A place where I can let my guard down,
and break the walls that surround my heart

When can I spread my wings?
When will I arrive
To a place where I can finally see myself  in each mirror I turn to
To a place where I belong?
To a place where I can call home?

I know the fight to get home
Is a long and hard one,
full of pain and sorrow
Full of tears and bitterness
Though I am in a dark tunnel now
I can see the light, at the end of the darkness
a place where I can truly be me
A place where no one stops and stares
and asks me what is wrong with me
A place where no one looks at me strangely
A place where I don't have to be scared

It's not my time to spread my wings yet
But when I do, I will touch the sky and be at the peak of my life
and finally...
be surrounded by people I can truly call a family
A place full of love
A place where I can truly be me
To a place I call home
Soooo...I think some of you know and it's kinda obvious because it's in my description. I am agender...and although I may not be in the most supportive place where I can truly be myself, I know that the time will come where I can finally spread my wings and truly be me. Thank you so much to all my allies who support me! To the people who are struggling with issues caused by ****** orientation/ gender identity, you are not alone...don't give up! Remember that you are valid and loved and that one day, you will be able to spread your wings and be your true authentic self!
662 · Apr 2022
Family Feud
Aspen Apr 2022
“You are gaining weight”
“I do not care about you”
“You are just like your mother, her side of the family is messed up”

Would you maybe, like to reconsider what you just said?
I hate to admit it, but your words cut deeper than a knife
I’m trying so hard, but they are getting to my head
Maybe reflect on how your words are ruining my life
How I grew up hating myself, wishing I could be someone better instead

They say that family is important, that bonds are important
But I’m starting to reconsider
That maybe family is not the blood that runs through my veins
Or the group of people that share my last name
But it is a group of people where I can feel enough
I’m starting to reconsider
Whether I should stay by your side
Because yes, you do provide me with food, shelter, and the necessities of life
I walk on eggshells, reading your jawline for intentions of strife
You may be family but you should know
If you do not reconsider your actions, your own family will become your foe
Day 2 of the poetry month challenge! Prompt: Reconsider. TW: Emotional abuse from family members. But yeah this was a hard poem to write. It was a vague prompt and tbh I felt pretty anxious going along with this idea. It's hard to open up to people about this, since I've always been told to stay quiet about what is happening at home, so I'm not used to talking about this. Sorry for the dark topics for the first two days, I promise that lighter poems with pretty imagery will be coming this month!
576 · Mar 2019
Going, going, gone
Aspen Mar 2019
Going, going, gone.
The time ticking by
the sand in the hourglass falling, the top half nearly empty.
Eight years together, of laughter tears, and every emotion in between.

It has always been the three of us, him, his brother, and me.
I was his little sister, he was my older brother.
One moment, I was excited to see him, the next moment I was with him, and the next moment, all the other moments disintegrated into nothing memory. Pretty soon he, himself is going to be a memory
He is like a fire, flame turning into glowing embers, and glowing embers slowly turning into black ashes. Black, the color of my world without him
One year goes by as fast as lightning, time ticking too fast, moments becoming memories too quickly
He is the glue, that holds the friendship of his brother and me together. Without him, our friendship falls, and his brother and I fall into our different circles of friends, acting as if we were strangers.

Going, going, gone. Even this friendship will be gone once this year leaves. All the jokes, all the laughter, all the challenges of this unbiological brother/ sisterhood, is soon to be gone.

Months turns into weeks, weeks turn into days, and days turn into hours, hours become minutes, minutes become seconds, and seconds become memory.
Time flies, as people say it. But to me, time doesn’t just fly, it has a supersonic jet pack and a hyperspace ability.
I can already feel his absence as if he is already gone. It is almost as if he isn’t there any more
Going going gone
My best friend, my role model, my brother.
551 · Apr 2019
Susurrus Soul Strings
Aspen Apr 2019
When we first met
our soul strings tied together
we were meant to be

Now your leaving
Because time won't let you stay
Wrong time to love you
Wrong place to get too close

My susurrus soul strings keep
reminding me of you

They sing your beautiful song
that I long to hear


Your smile that brightens up the dark world like no other
Your laugh that makes the cold world a little warmer
Your voice that the world stops and listens to

I miss you...
My Susurrus soul strings
Won't let me let you go
Cause we were bound

But I can never have you
So I must cut the Susurrus Soul strings

Even though my heartstrings will hurt
At least it will hurt less
When my Susurrus soul strings aren't
whispering your name anymore...
goodbye...
I miss you....
Please come back home....
so that I can tie our soul strings
back together...
and our strings will sing our song louder
instead of me being here....

listening to the susurrus of our old song
Susurrus: Whispering or rustling
Day 7 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. This poem is directed to my best friend whom I have fallen for but is going away to college and is most likely not coming back...Jay, if you are reading this...I love you so much and please consider coming home so I can be with you again...even if its just one day
529 · Apr 2022
Open Wounds
Aspen Apr 2022
Open wounds are bleeding cuts exposed to the sun
Caused by a knife or a scratch from a run
They are lines on the skin that fade after a while
At least that is what it is in people’s mind files

But sometimes blood is not the only thing that flows
Sometimes tears or numb expressions are the only thing that’s shown
Sometimes they are not simple lines that just fade away
For some they run deep, they are there to stay

Some wounds feel sharp like a knife on skin
But to some those wounds are short moments of relief, heaven
Compared to the wounds inside their head
Telling them that they are worthless, they are better off dead
If people look on the inside they will realize, they will find
Not all open wounds mark the body, they can also mark the mind
Starting off poetry month 2022 with the prompt: open wounds. TW: there are mentions of s*icide and s*lf h*rm so be mindful of that when reading.
428 · Apr 2019
Return
Aspen Apr 2019
If I can return my feelings for you
I would
If I can return all the **** you put me through
I would
If I can have a refund for all the love I gave you that you did not deserve
I would

But darling,
my heart won't let me return you
my heart will only let me return to you
Return: to come back home...to finally find happiness after a hard period of time
Day 2.5...Idk why I decided to write two poems...but I did
409 · Mar 2019
Shadows
Aspen Mar 2019
For years and years I have been the shadow to your light
Always there while you shone like the sun.

I have always tried to shine, but you shone brighter
My soft, weak, delicate voice could not overpower yours

No one saw my light
No one saw all the things I could have gave them
All cause I was your shadow

Your star of talent always out shone mine
And you all know what happens when a star can't shine
It starts to die
It became a shadow to your sun

The spotlight was always on you
And I had to put my talents on the shelf
Cause no saw
no one cared
All they saw was you and your light
...........................................................­.................................................................­

But now it is my turn to shine
It is my turn to be recognized
People will finally see me
and all the things I could have done for them

They will see what they have missed out
But I won't be coming back to them
Cause they should have seen it earlier
They should not have let me down
They should not have made me worthless
They should have given me some chances
It is your turn to become the shadow
It is your turn to sit down
It is my turn to become the sun

I refuse to hide in the shadows
I refuse to put my talents on the shelf
I refuse to be the shadow of the spotlight

I will be heard
I will not be silenced
My once weak voice will ring across the nation
And everyone will remember my name
380 · Apr 2019
Forest
Aspen Apr 2019
I used to play hide and seek in your trunk
and watch as the wind makes your leaves jump

You always gave me air to breathe
Always been my place of peace
You always gave animals warm shelter
And gave bees your flower's sweet nectar

But alas, people did not see your gifts
For they cut you down and throw you over death's cliffs

As more and more of you disappear
the warming of the earth is getting more severe
What once was green is now all brown
There is no more fresh air, all life is starting to drown

Fire engulfs and takes your life
As politicians continue to speak words of strife
What once was green is now all black and red
Where there was once life, now everything is dead

No more deer, foxes, lizards, or birds moving
Scientists continue to keep proving
that this issue is real and it is serious
But everyone continues to be actless

In the ocean's forest, the green is turning brown as well
As acid in the water reduces the shells
Animals now eat plastic
instead of what is supposed to be their diet

Species of animals are disappearing one by one
As we pick them off with spears, traps, and guns

Now look what we have done to our only home
Now our children have nowhere else to roam
The ocean now is filled with plastic
The air they breathe will make them sick

They will never know what an elephant is
Or ever see the beautiful bird called the crested ibis
They will never see the rhino with its beautiful horn
because they have all died off, and none could be born

Now children who play hide and seek no longer have a place to hide
If we don't do something soon,
to the earth we can only say goodbye
Day 26 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
358 · Apr 2020
Apricity
Aspen Apr 2020
She is the warm fireplace that warms you up
After a long weary day of wandering in the snow

Her words are the cups of hot tea that gives you
That warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach
On a cold day

Her laughter is the sun rays that peers through the gray
on cloudy days,
Or a candle, that lights up a dark room

Her voice is the warmth of the cabin,
A sign of comfort, knowing that you are safe

Her embrace, is the soft, fluffy blanket that keeps you warm
That you wrap yourself in as you fall asleep
Or a warm winter coat, that shields you from the assaults of the wind

She is warmth, she is comfort, She is sunlight in the cold
She is the apricity in my cold, dark, soul
Day 4 of the 30 day writing challenge for national poetry month
(n.) The warmth of the sun in winter
Origin--latin
332 · Mar 2019
A cruel, real world
Aspen Mar 2019
BANG!
people dead
lives wasted
minds scarred
families mourning
more friends weeping
How the hell did we come to this?

You are going to hell!
You are not a boy, you are a girl!
It is just a phase!
I will not accept this!
You are not my child anymore!

last deep breath...silence...
One life wasted
all because of
One sentence of an old book
all because of the sharpness of hate and the jaws of ignorance
How the hell did we come to this?

You need to be better than them!
You are not trying hard enough!
You are not pretty enough!
You are not enough!

last tear falls like the first raindrop of a storm...then silence
One life wasted
One dream killed
One hope shot down
with the arrow of standards
How the hell did we come to this?

You are ugly!
You are not worth it!
We do not want you around!
You should just go and **** yourself!
The world is better of without you!

One final leap as the water takes the life
One life wasted
One treasure lost
One novel unfinished
One beautiful line, cut by the sharp knife of hatred
How the hell did we come to this?  

So many lives wasted, so much grief, so much blood/ tears shed, so much sorrow.
How much longer, will we let hate be the chief?
How many more lives, will we cut short?
How many more dreams, will we shoot down?
How many more treasures will we loose?
How many more unfinished novels?
How many more? How much longer? Until we realize
We need love to conquer this cruel, real world
282 · Apr 2019
Knavery Illusions
Aspen Apr 2019
Lately
I have been sensing
Distance between us

I feel my trust for you fading away
I feel like I need to close my door
And lock it so you can't get in

Is it real?
Or am I having knavery illusions?

Can I trust you?
Or will you stab my heart
with the knife of betrayal?
Knavery: untrustworthy...Day 8 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
261 · Apr 2019
Emerging with wings
Aspen Apr 2019
My eyes were blind
My heart was numb
My brain did not think the right things

I tried to fly but I always fell
I tried to sing but my voice was covered
I was fed lies
Lies so that I can hold
Scissors to cut the wings
of another human being

Pretty soon I emerged out of my cocoon
The place that I thought was safe
Pretty soon I realized
That I have grown wings too
One wing pink purple and blue
Another one Black gray white and purple
Together they make the most beautiful rainbow
My identity
It is time to spread my wings and fly
It is time to lift other people up
It is time to help others spread their wings
So that they can be beautiful butterflies too
And emerge from their shells of hiding
Emerge with wings...
#out of the closet #proudly biromantic ace #lgbtq #identity
Day 2 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
252 · Apr 2019
Up in flames
Aspen Apr 2019
All the hopes and dreams I used to have
All the happiness in my heart
My will to live
All up in flames
All because of one letter
On a piece of paper
Called a grade

All my trust
My ability to love
My willingness to open up
The key to my heart
All up in flames
All because of one heartbreak
All because of him

My life, set on fire
My life, all up in flames
Month long poetry prompt challenge...Day 1...prompt: Up in Flames
251 · Mar 2019
Dead or Alive?
Aspen Mar 2019
I go through the empty actions every day...
Am I dead or alive?
I fake every smile and force every laugh...
Am I dead or alive
I feel nothing but hopelessness, sadness, and guilt
Am I dead or alive
I cut my skin to numb the pain
Am I dead or alive
My greatest desire is to cease to exist...
I guess I’m more dead than alive
What depression feels like
239 · Apr 2019
Deception
Aspen Apr 2019
I gave you the key
to unlock my heart

I trusted you to catch me
if I ever fell into darkness

You lured me in
with your honey-coated words

Then you destroyed my heart
Then threw away the key

You pushed me into darkness
then left me there to die

I trusted you!

But all it lead to was regret

Your evil deception
Made me realize
My biggest mistake


Trusting you
Deception: an act of trickery...deceiving someone.
Day 9 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. Topic: Deception.
225 · Apr 2019
Distance
Aspen Apr 2019
Right now we are 21.4 miles away
That is at least a 30 minute drive

But soon you will be 445.3 miles away
That is at least a 7 hour drive

or

You will be 2,751.3 miles away
That is at least two days of traveling


You are so close to me now
But soon you will be far away...

I am willing to drive across the world for you
Sail across all the oceans just to be in your arms
I would fly across a galaxy to hear your voice again

But would you do the same for me?

Please come back home
Take away the pain and the distance
Bring back the joy
And close the distance between us

I miss you...
I wish I had wings so I can fly to you
I wish I had the strength to swim across the sea
so that I can be with you
I wish there was a bridge
that I can walk on so that I can reach you

At least,
When I am looking at the moon
I know that you are looking at the same moon too
Distance: the space between to people that prevents love from happening
Day 10 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. This poem is about my crush who is going to college and is probably never going to come back...I hope that he decides to come home one day...
214 · Jun 2019
Grieving for a living soul
Aspen Jun 2019
Grief
wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning
because you were dreaming about him
and that dream was too painful
Now, not even sleep is an escape

Grief
it makes you cry for a little bit during the day
but it never lets you cry for long
because others are watching
so you have no choice but to put on that mask and wait for the night

but then night comes
and grief chains those tears
ties your feelings into a box
and you drown in those waves of emotions
of longing, loneliness, and sadness
you want to cry and let it all out
maybe the pain will go away...
but this grief will not let you

Grief
Replays all the moments in your head
puts your last moments together on rewind
making you miss them more

Logic comes in and says
"He will be happier somewhere else in someone else's arms"
But grief says
"You will never see him again and he will always be in a faraway place"
A place...
where his name is known
but your's isn't
A place that he will forget you

Grief
Is listening to a song you used to dance to
and remembering it all
waves of emotions bashing you against the rocks
with your soul barely clinging to life

Grief
is constantly drowning you
and ******* all the hope you have...
but at the same time creating a hopeless hope
that this person will come back
a hopeless hope that you will be in his arms again

Though this person is still on this earth
You know that you will never see him again
Though this person is still breathing
You will never feel his breath against your cheek or hear him breathe
Though he can still hug people
You won't feel his embrace any longer
Though this person can still laugh and smile
You won't see his smile and you won't hear his laugh
You won't even be able to make him laugh or smile
because he is no longer with you
Though his eyes still shine like stars and are full of life
You will never see that same light again
that light of life
Though this person's soul is alive
You won't hurt any less
Than if he was dead
Yep...I'm going through a tough stage of my life emotionally...and I might be writing a lot so...if I am annoying you, I'm sorry....
204 · Jul 2023
Philophobia III
Aspen Jul 2023
Tw: mentions of rpe, sxual *ssault, *buse

Falling…
I never realize it is happening
Until the butterflies in my stomach turn to whirlpools
Until I wake up and realize that I’m on yet another roller coaster
It is as though I am walking towards an open door that leads to peace
But it closes on me as soon as I reach for the doorknob

Falling…
I see it in the palaces made of words in fairy tales
I see it in the flashes of images on a blank screen that light up a dark room
Why does falling in those places always end in a happily ever after?
Why do those images and palaces look so different…
From when I fall?

Falling…
Why does it look like hidden smiles, forehead kisses, and long hugs in the rain on the screen
While I watch my own kingdom be invaded by conquerors who only see me as a prize
Why do the words say that it daring, exciting….or even like the warmth of a comforting fireplace
But every time I fall, I feel the glass shards pierce my palms and my knees…
As spears of grief pierce my heart as I see how far I’ve fallen and what could’ve been…
The realization of how pieces of me will always remain in shards, even if they are glued together
Why do I see the magical spells conjoin the sparkle of love struck eyes
While my falling feels like the shackles of a cursed cycle of losing myself
Where my mirror on the wall erases everything and recreates a perfect illusion for another

Falling…
I hear it in the guitar strings and the chords of love songs
It sings of midnight dances in every note, synchronized hearts in every beat
Why does it sound so different from what I hear?
Why does mine sound like ignored protests and whispered pleas of “do not hurt me”
Or like silent teardrops running down one’s cheek
Why does mine sound like the unheard gasps that are muffled by pillows at 12 AM?

Falling…
The fairy tales, the screen, the songs…all mention that falling smells like roses
Well, I guess that is the one thing that is true…
For one only seeks rose petals for their beauty and their sweet smell,
But they always forget that even with the most beautiful things, there are thorns too
201 · Mar 2019
Lies
Aspen Mar 2019
The same old lies they tell me
It will get better.
              When?
I will be there for you.
           Then why did you leave?
I will check on you.
            Then where were you for the last week? I never got any messages from you.
I understand.
            Then why aren't you listening to me?Why are you not helping me?
The same old lies.
Over and over.
Different people, same lies.
It is like a ferris wheel, around and around.
Different colors and lights, but it always goes in the same direction.

The same old lies
coming from different colored tongues
The same old lies
that shot my hopes dead
The same...old...lies
that once made me believe that someone is still out there
reaching for me through the darkness
The same...old...lies
that killed that dream
of ever reaching the light
This is what it feels like when you have depression. Suddenly, everyone leaves and you are alone. They abandon you when you need them the most. Why did they have to leave me?
200 · Apr 2019
Bound
Aspen Apr 2019
I try to escape
I try to forget

I try to throw it all away
the memories
the emotions

I try to get over it all and move on
the shame
the guilt

I try to heal
the deep cuts you cut into my soul

But I am bound
By your actions
your words
your manipulation

the echoes are invisible chains
bounding me, preventing me from life
Dragging me down each time I try to get back up

I know that I will be bound in these chains
forever
because of you and your hands
and your ***** mind
you who stole my life
and bound me to this life
Bound: to be held down with chains or rope
Day 27 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
190 · May 2020
Lifeline
Aspen May 2020
I grasp onto the lifeline
That keeps us afloat
But it seems that
You have already given up
You let go of not just me
But of us
Friendship is quite complicated sometimes. Especially when you are trying to maintain a long-distance one. At this age, it is quite hard to see the people who you used to be so close with, that meant so much to you, become strangers once they move far away while your stuck in the place that both of you grew up...
189 · Apr 2022
In Two Worlds
Aspen Apr 2022
In Taiwan, I seem to fit in
I can speak the language, the green mountains feel like home
The city lights of Taipei are warm, the white sand in bai sha wan glistens under the sea foam
Cold Mango shaved ice refreshes me in the humid summer heat,
While pork rice and egg cake from street vendors are my comfort foods
It feels like a place where I belong, a place I can call home

But the kids in summer camps always ask me where I’m from
Why I have an accent, why I can’t read the store signs
While I may look like all the kids in the summer camp
I still do not belong

In America, I go through ordinary days
I can read street signs, and I don’t have an accent
I can actually write words and sentences on my assignments
I know each street I drive by on my way to school
I do the cupid shuffle in high school parties, my eyes shine with the fireworks on July 4th
This also feels like a place I belong, a place I can call home

But while my footsteps walk this land everyday, I do not belong
Because no one can pronounce my real name, and my food “looks strange”
No matter how American I feel,
I still do not belong

Stuck in two worlds, between two boxes
I’m the purple between the blue and red,where do I belong?
I can’t pick a side, I am not one or the other,

But being purple tells me that I belong…
That I do not have to choose, my heart belongs to these two homes:
The sweet potato-shaped island, with green mountains and city lights
And the land where my friends aren’t far away, where I spend my everydays
The final poem in my poetry collection "Calls of the Magpie and Eagle"

This poem is about the feeling of not belonging in any culture. Whether I'm in Taiwan or America, there is always a little voice inside that tells me that I don't belong. Being stuck in two cultures is hard, but these two places are still my home,.
185 · Feb 2022
Memories
Aspen Feb 2022
I knew I should have kept hating you
I knew I shouldn't have let you in
If I had kept my icy walls up,
These memories wouldn't be piercing my heart,
Drawing blood and leaving scars
Prompt: If you were writing a book about two enemies who became lovers and then strangers with memories, what would the last line be? (@mallory_writes_ on instagram)...also sorry for the lame title, I'm currently in a big writer's block right now and this is one of my old pieces from 12 weeks ago
176 · Apr 2020
Without my Name, Who am I?
Aspen Apr 2020
Without my name I belong to no one
I am no longer in association with my kin
Those who have brought me pain, those who have brought me love
Those who have abused me, those who have built me up

Without my name I am just a person
No one knows where I come from
No one knows my gender
I am just me, no strings attached

Without my name, I am still the same me
It doesn’t matter if you call me Jia-Rong, JR, or Alex
I will still be the same person,
Because my name is not engraved in my DNA
Day 19 of the 30 day writing challenge
Prompt: Without your name, who are you?
Aspen Sep 2021
Inspiration…
It visits me at the most random times,
In many forms

Some days it comes in the form of inner turmoil,
A storm.
Emotions bubble and brew near the brim of my heart,
Begging to be spilled onto a page
And inspiration comes and sets them free

Some days it comes as a thorn on a rose
Sweet memories turned sour,
A painful reminder of what was,
And what could never be, again

Some days it comes as a song,
My mind circling in thought, spinning out the lyrics
Random melodies dancing with my brainwaves
These songs are fleeting, however
They leave quicker than fireflies,
So I must capture them in a jar
In order to remember what my mind sung

Some days, inspiration comes in form of sap dripping from the tree
It moves way too slowly for my liking
Like a snail sluggishly making its way away from the sun
But the struggle feels like a salmon swimming upstream

Inspiration…
When it comes knocking on my door
I let my stories out of the cage that they’re stored
The prompt was "Write about inspiration" and yes, I am taking another creative writing class so...yeah
172 · May 2023
Episode
Aspen May 2023
Having an episode…is realizing that you are a disaster
Realizing the existence of the tsunami that you hold back
With your glass walls and hearing them crack
But you have to hold everything in anyways
Or else the bloodshed committed by your hands will be unforgivable
It is having people screaming that you are lovable
But rejecting every single word
Because they do not understand just how much of a monster you are

Having an episode…is realizing that you are destruction
It is seeing hugs, cuddles and kisses in the streets
Dreaming of wholesome dates in coffee shops and stargazing on roof tops
Hearing the words “I love you, I love you too” in movie scripts and love songs
Knowing that you could never have that
Because the love of others can bloom like blossoms in the spring
But yours spreads like English Ivy and thorns that suffocates everything in its path
It’s better to suffocate yourself instead…why attempt to make blossoms for others when someone else’s heart can do it so much better than yours?

Having an episode…is realizing that it is happening again
Seeing yourself in the mirror turn morph someone else
Somehow your world never spins around you
But your world is pulled in by the gravity of others
Somehow the self you are supposed to be spirals into a nebula of mirrors where your reflection is filled with twisted obsessions
It’s to the point where the self you are supposed to be no longer exists

Having an episode…is bolting every time someone glances at an exit sign
Because without them, who are you supposed to be?
If they leave, your world is gone…you are gone
Without them, there is no you
No…you leave first…you need to let them go
Because if you exit first, there is no way you can see them exit
It is splitting a person in two, into day and night
They are both god and demon
The pinnacle of perfection and the lowest of the disgraceful
Their presence is the sun and I am icarus
Their absence is the moon where I am a lone wolf longing for it’s cool warmth

Having an episode…is realizing that no matter what, you are always a puppet
Everything you do, every step you take, every emotion you feel, is all for them
It does not matter how free you feel, no matter what, there will always be shackles on your wrist
It’s funny how the home I feel the safest is filled with chains and bars
It’s knowing that no matter what, there is no way to escape this sentence
There will always be a master, a puppeteer…it does not matter whether they see you as a person or an object at their disposal
You are bound to them and you can’t leave

Episodes…
It is only premier after premier
Pilot episode after pilot episode
Until the screen shatters and the wires are severed, there will be no finale
170 · Mar 2019
No One
Aspen Mar 2019
No one understands
No one cares
No one notices
No one's there
No one sees you
No one's aware

that you are hurting
that you are in pain
No one sends their prayer
As your life turns into a nightmare
As the thing you call hope
slowly disintegrates to air
No one notices...no one is there
No one is concerned, no one cares

You are alone
163 · Apr 2019
Broken
Aspen Apr 2019
I know that it breaks you
when you see those cuts on my arms
I know it hurts you when
I tell you how
I want to **** myself

I stared at the mirror
At my tear stained face
At the red lines on my arm

Tears
pieces of me
slide down my cheeks
my heart aches
and I am drowning
every night in my own feelings

I'm sorry that I'm broken
I'm apologize for being this way
I'm sorry that I'm here
and if anything happens...
I'm sorry that I broke you a little
with those painful texts

I'm sorry....that I am so broken
Day 17 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
161 · May 2019
All I Want to Do is Cry
Aspen May 2019
After hiding behind that fake smile
and pretending for so long
I want to take my mask off
and just let the tears run down my cheeks

I don't want to be strong anymore
I don't want to be an actor anymore
I don't want to say the same old lie again
I can't say that I'm ok anymore

All I want to Do is Cry now
to be weak for once
All I want to do is to let the river flow
and let my emotions show
to be myself truly
not hiding or bottling up
the storm that is inside me
just for once
I want to let the raindrops fall from my eyes
to let all my demons out and cleanse my soul
to finally let myself heal

I have been cut down too many times
I had to hide the red lines
that has been driven in my soul and in my arms

But why won't anyone let me cry for once
Day 30 of the month long poetry prompt challenge. It has been a great month of writing poetry. Although I had to catch up occasionally and it was kind of tedious, I still enjoyed it. See you next year, month long poetry prompt challenge.
158 · Apr 2022
Grandma
Aspen Apr 2022
Daydreaming at the pink clouds during a sunrise through my window
Gazing at the reflections of neighborhood life in the lake
Hearing the whisper of the summer breeze
Smelling the sweetness of pine tree sap
You seem to be there in each of these moments

That gray plastic cassette tape
The old ‘80s Chinese music, with muted wooden beats
I can almost hear your soft, honey voice humming along to the melody

But as all pink sunrise clouds turn white
And all songs in cassette tapes end
Sadly our time is short, we have to say goodbye

It all ended with the text I received during lunch
My friends’ laughter echoing through the fourth floor hall
But the world seemed silent, time seemed to stop
As I processed the news that you are gone, all feelings were numb

An ocean away
It’s such a shame,
I was never there to say goodbye
Or even an “I love you” one last time

While the whole world moved at the speed of light
You taught me to slow down and notice the hidden joys of life
While the cold world was a fierce competition
You showed me that the cold world can be warmed with kind hearts and patience
So while you may be gone and the world seems cruel,
You are still here with me, reminding me to take life gratefully
From my poetry collection "Calls of the Magpie and Eagles" that I submitted for a Taiwanese Poetry contest.

The poem title was originally in mandarin but this website won't let me use mandarin words for some reason so... yea

This poem is dedicated to my grandma. The last time I saw her was five years ago and I did not get to say my final goodbye in person nor was I able to go to her funeral because I was in America and she was in Taiwan. Hopefully this poem can reach her and let her know that I love her and value her. She was such a simple minded person and lived life treasuring each day and every little thing about life. I hope that I can be like her and eventually learn how to live a peaceful and grateful life.
153 · Apr 2022
Middle School Questions
Aspen Apr 2022
Middle school, was heading out to recess after my international day presentation,
And having some older boys slap the Chinese drama mask design sewn on my qi pao
Watching them run away high fiving each other and wondering,
Why were they laughing? What was so funny?

Middle school, was filled with the questions that people asked,
“Where are you from? No, where are you REALLY from?”
Apparently “Maryland” was not the correct answer
They want to know the ancient path of my ancestry that is imprinted into my DNA
The Taiwanese, or was it Thai? blood that flows through my veins
Why do I bother with repeating myself over and over?
When my  words of
“My parents are from Taiwan but I was born in America”
And “no it’s not Thailand it’s Taiwan”
Just fell upon deaf ears and closed minds

Middle school, was the kids sitting across from me at the 7th grade table
Sniffing the air and wrinkling their noses
As the smell of my mother’s homemade spicy tofu and cabbage over brown rice
Escaped my thermos
Should I have eaten somewhere else? Maybe it’s better if I’m not around  

At every turn, I had to explain my existence
A cruel reminder that, though I was born in America, I was not “American” enough
Differences pointed out everywhere, a reminder of where I am “really” from

But many questions later, my insecurity gone
I am proud of who I am, the strong person I’ve become
Though others may have questions, I no longer doubt
That I am Taiwanese American, and I deserve respect and love
Another poem from "The Calls of the Magpie and Eagle"

This poem is about the micro-agressions that I experienced in middle school. I went to a predominately white middle school so...yeah. Obviously I do not think that these people meant any harm, but their actions did make me feel uncomfortable.
152 · Apr 2019
Consent
Aspen Apr 2019
No
stop
please stop


but you just kept going

It almost seemed as if the word "no" had no meaning
as if the word "no" and "stop" were just empty words

You invaded my body
took my life away
You only took what you wanted
but in return you left me with trauma

This is my body
This is my home
where my soul lives, where my knowledge grows
where who I am resides
You invaded it and broke in
and unrightfully took what is mine

For people who do this to others
stop means stop
and no means no

For all the people who are letting people
into their homes
no is a complete sentence
and you do not need an explanation

No....no is not an empty phrase
Stop is not a meaningless word
No means do not do it
Stop means I do not want it
Consent: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
Day 28 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
152 · Apr 2019
Keep me Wild
Aspen Apr 2019
You can try and calm my passion
You can try and keep me from doing crazy things
You can try to keep me safe
from all the dangers of the world

You an try to make me see
through your cautious point of view
To calm my wild eyes

To keep me safe and sound

But don't ever keep me in a cage
Dont' ever tie me down with chains
Don't every cut my wings


Keep me wild
Day 4...sorry I have been inactive lately but school is crazy AF...so I will be publishing three poems today.
150 · Apr 2022
Grandpa
Aspen Apr 2022
Your liveliness sweetens the way the dragon fruit you grow sweetens the tongue
Your smile lights up the room the way those fireflies you caught for your grandchildren did
Your laugh dances the way a summer breeze makes the leaves on the ba la tree dance

You forgave all our mistakes
You always wiped away our tears
You always made sure everyone is feeling okay
You stood by our side for all these years

Though you are 15 hours away
I still hope to see you someday
In your crop garden, standing by the bubbling stream
Instead of being on a small phone screen

But for now I will try to…
Be the dragon fruit that sweetens everyday lives
Lighten up the room the way your fireflies did
Laugh the way the summer breeze makes the leaves dance

Try to let bad moments go
And replace tears with hugs
The way you did when we were young
I will try to be a shelter, stand by love’s side
The way you were my haven, the way you stood by mine
I will try to…
Live the way you taught me how to live
Like a dragon fruit, like fireflies, and like summer breezes
Another poem from "The Calls of the Magie and Eagle"

This poem is dedicated to my grandpa (again had to edit some things because mandarin isn't allowed on this website). But yeah, my grandpa is such a kind, caring, and gentle person. I wish I could see him in person some day and I love him lots!
149 · Mar 2019
Tired
Aspen Mar 2019
I am tired...
Tired of trying to quiet
the racing thoughts in my head
Tired of putting on that fake smile everyday
Tired of losing each battle everyday, knowing that I won't win this war
Tired of feeling hopeless
Tired of waking up and questioning whether I will make it through the day
Tired of the raindrops falling from my eyes onto my pillow
I'm
so
tired
of
this
life
149 · May 2019
Seeing Dawn
Aspen May 2019
Though I only see the moon
I will soon see the sun
Though I only see thorns
I will soon see the rose
Though I only see dark
I will see light
Though now I only see stars
I know I will see dawn
Day 29 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
149 · Aug 2019
Same World
Aspen Aug 2019
You are in a place full of strangers
a different world
than the one I live in
3 hours away somewhere out there
I hope your happy now

Though you probably are smiling
living without me
I know your thoughts don't contain me anymore
just don't forget me
and remember

We live under the same sky
We sleep under the same stars
We bask under the same sun
We dance under the same moonlight
and we still live in the same world

You are finally free and happy
I'm still here imagining
that you'll come back to me
At night I can hold you in my arms
You visit me in my dreams
But when I wake up your gone

Even though I know it's impossible
I'm still waiting for you to come back
and be here with me
But all I can do is remember you
and the memories you left me
I hope you remember me like this too
148 · Jun 2019
Someone that isn't mine
Aspen Jun 2019
I know you are happier out there
in the big wide world
A place so far away where no one knows your past

I know you want to let go of your childhood
and the place where you used to call home

But I'm here feeling empty without you
I know you belong to someone else
But I want you
So tell me,
How do I let go of someone that isn't mine

You tell me that we will keep in touch
Then the last hug the last wave goodbye
I miss you too much
So tell me,
How do I let you go?
How do I numb this pain?
How do I stop my heart from wanting you?

To stop wanting your arms around me
To stop wanting to hear your voice and your laugh
To stop wanting your presence

Because I know
Even though it hurts
You are happier in a foreign place
with another person
So how do I let go of someone that isn't mine?
So...I told him that I had feelings for him today!! He said that he wouldn't let something like this ruin our friendship so...that's good!! But this is probably the last time that I'm going to see him...so I really miss him...it's hasn't even been 24 hours and I already miss his arms...
148 · Apr 2019
Clouds
Aspen Apr 2019
There are clouds everywhere

The cloud of uncertainty
That fogs my vision so much
that I cannot see the road ahead of me

The clouds of frustration
When the people who I want to understand me
Do not understand and do not try to

The clouds of anger
As they blind my logical reasoning
And my hands make regrets

The clouds of hopelessness
with each passing failure
and each regret that stabs my heart

Finally the cloud of death
waiting for me as I waste my life away
trying to see through all these other clouds
Day 25 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
145 · Apr 2019
Our song
Aspen Apr 2019
From the car
to walking in the hallways

from waking up before the sun
to going to sleep at night

that same song
playing in my head
on repeat

the song that will be there forever
the song of us

the chords of laughter
the notes of tears
the lines of pain
the lyrics that tell our story


Our instruments now destroyed
we haven't sung for days
the music we enjoyed
all lay in waste

though our vocal chords are severed
our song forever stays
in my head forever
endlessly playing for days
Day 21 of the month long poetry prompt challenge
145 · Jun 2019
Missing someone
Aspen Jun 2019
Missing someone
Is replaying all the moments from when you were together
From laughing about the days of childhood
To remembering his arms around you
at the train station, when you said your last goodbye
You replay it all, like a movie
wishing you could go back to those moments
wishing you could step into that movie

Having those old conversations in your head
Remembering when you told him about how you felt
His words of comfort echoing back
saying that he won't let you go that easily

You whisper that conversation, playing it back
pressing the rewind button, just to hear his voice and to remember that moment...the last moments with him

Missing someone
is reading through old texts and looking at old photos
while feeling the pain and having your heart long for him
while tears of emptiness fall down your cheeks and you think
"If he were here, he would tell me everything is all right."
But knowing that he would never come back
and that he is gone

Missing someone
is hearing a song you used to dance to
faintly hearing his voice singing along
and feeling his movement as he dances
or going to an old place, and remembering when you were there together, what you were talking about
laughing and never knowing how much you would miss him

And when you think that you are ok and that you have moved on
An old memory would slap you back
and your head will rewind that movie again
and bring back all that pain and your heart starts yearning for him again.

And the most painful part is,
that though your head says that he is gone forever,
you still imagine him being there with you as you sit alone in your room...and your heart still thinks that it has hope.
But it doesn't
143 · May 2019
Doesn't matter
Aspen May 2019
Doesn't matter if I have passion
Doesn't matter if I'm committed
I still won't be good enough

No matter how long I've pondered
No matter how much I truly cared
I know that I still won't be selected
So what's the point of even tryin'

It's so frustrating to see
that I'm giving my all and getting nothing
All my effort thrown to waste

Cause there'd always be someone better
someone who may not have the same fire
but everyone thinks they are better

So should I really be trying so hard?
Should I really care so much?
Should I just give up and know
that my future is hopeless
that I don't really matter

Maybe I should just give up
Cause am I worth it?
Am I good enough?

Does it really matter?
Should it really matter?
This much
I have been constantly rejected and I am never number one. It is so frustrating and it seems that no matter how hard I try I'm never good enough. I'm starting to question my worth and whether I would make it. I'm starting to wonder if I should really care. I've heard when the world turns their back on you you turn your back on them but I just care too much to do such a cruel thing.
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