If I were asleep right now, you'd be all I dream
I'd feel your warmth through the covers, so it seems
But right now, as you sit in the passenger seat
Of my parked car, I can't help but feel deceit
Emanate from your gaze, your smile, your laugh
How can you look me in the eye and say, "It's all in the past?"
True, I know you're not perfect, but nobody is
And I've no intention of being a perfect kid
But listen to me when I tell you that my love for you is hopeless
Hopelessly enduring, endeavoring, embracing
Whatever painful realizations I might be facing
Whatever derailment I'll have to follow through
Whatever ******* mistake I may or may not do
I just wanted you to know you are my hopeless everything
Even as you close the passenger door behind you
And tune out my words with some Broken Social Scene
As you throw a stone through my car window
And as the glass pierces my elbow
As you elude me in a fit of tears
That I know I've brought out of you, my dear
As I drive away in silence
Consoling myself through musical compliance
Now, as I lie here in bed, I can't help but crave you
I combat your warmth with the rush of a drug
My second white girl, my first being you
And as I stare at the ceiling, I see the glow-in-the-dark stars
That you and I placed, calling the ceiling light Mars
I find that I miss you, darling, I miss you so much
But how can you miss something that you could never touch?
A someone who never really loved you much
A someone who exists only in dreams
Well, I don't know...I'm frightened it seems
To wake up from this and return to my loneliness

This is my life, I guess....

Hello, my dearest friend
I just wanted you to know
That I never wanted to go

Do you remember when
I spoke Japanese to your mom and dad
How we talked and how we laughed
And we wrote a message on the writing pad?

Do you remember when
We tried to watch Pulp Fiction
When my head rested against your shoulder
And our bodies lay in perfection?

Do you remember when we ran
Through those elementary halls
And we stopped to catch our breath
As our hearts were enthralled?

I remember feeling blessed
Just to see you every day
And your guise reminds me of
All the words I couldn't say

Goodbye, my dearest friend
I just wanted you to know
My love for you will never end

Sayōnara

I think of you now
How much happier you are
Now that you've distanced yourself
From me

I hardly see you now
How you smile more often
Now that I'm nothing
But a memory

I wish to hold you again
But I just now
That will never be
A reality

I wanted to tell you
Though we never kissed
That I loved you
Through thick and thin

Did you ever see
How much I cared
When your dreams
Seemed to shatter?

Did you ever realize
How much I loved you
When our laughs would meet
In a beautiful unison?

Did you ever decide
How much to hurt me
When my words suddenly
Meant nothing to you?

I just can't seem to think
You ever thought
The same way
About me

You say you love me
But your eyes scream hatred
Your lips press against mine
But your teeth bite back screams
Your hands caress mine
But your nails hide the blood drawn
Your breast comforts mine
But your heart burns with angst
Your skin brushes mine
But your flesh aches with depression
So I’ll ask you once again
“How was your day?"

I want to be noticed in this skin
For the person ready to burst from within
I want to be recognized
For the plans that I have finalized
I want to be ******* remembered
For the man that was once yours

You used to be yourself
But now you're someone else
You used to be so happy
But now you're blinded
You used to be realistic
But now you're counterfeit
You used to be original
But now you're plagiarized
What happened?

I remember when you and I would talk
About almost anything in the world
I remember when you and I would laugh
Between the jokes that we had told
I remember when you and I would touch
Against the skins of our imperfections
I remember when you and I would kiss
Beneath our sheer contemplation

Never has a moment gone by
Where I don't think of you
Where my heart doesn't break for you
Where my lips don't yearn for yours
Never has a minute gone by
Where I don't miss you
Where my hands don't want yours
Where my body doesn't feel yours
Never has a second gone by
Where I don't die for you
Where my head doesn't ache for you
Where my skin doesn't bleed for you

But the pain that hurts the most
Is knowing that you
Probably don't spend a second
Thinking about me

What comes from this feeling?
This feeling of remorse, this feeling of hate,
This feeling that I can't dictate.
In a second, I feel my happiness leave
As a rush of anger clouds my relief.
In an hour, I feel my anger dissipate
As a wave of sadness arrives to congregate.
I don't even believe I have a personality
For all I can tell is I am a breaking anomaly
With emotions that stir like a hurricane
And wrap around me like cellophane.
What comes from this feeling?
I do not know, but all I can say is
I hope, one, day, I encounter true bliss.

I find myself trying to speak
The words I myself find to be meek
Your presence brings a sense of happiness
To a world full of ugliness
Your life shines with fulfillment
In a world with so little enjoyment
These words I try to find
Are formed in my mind
But are never spoken
For their formation hold naught but a token
A token of appreciation
For your reconciliation
These words I try to find
I hope to God are worthy of your time
When all my words do to accomplish
Are a sense of unworthy abolish
To a rather revealing relation
That was never a creation

What if I were a better friend to you?
Would you still talk to me today
Or would things remain the same?
What if I were a better lover to you?
Would you still be in my arms
Or would you still have fallen for his charms?
What if I were a better son to you?
Would you still care for me
Or would I be but a distant memory?
What if I weren't alive?
Would people miss my presence
Or would people not even notice my absence?
I just don't know...

Your eyes, bringing despise, continue to pierce me
With their glowing incompetence
And fluttering instances of jealousy.
Your thoughts continue to reach me
With their condescending demeanors
That strike with utter prosperity.
Your hatred continues to elude me
With its striking usage
And power that proves deadly.

Once, just once, I know you can only wish
To wrap your hands around my neck
And squeeze until my breath has been abolish'd.
Once, just once, I know you can only pretend
To plunge the pencil into my chest
And apply pressure until my beating comes to an end.
Once, just once, I know you want to violate me
And, once, just once, I may allow
Your reaching desires to overpower me
Once, just once, I will see your anger
As you wrap your hands around me and decree,
"I'm only putting us out of our misery."

I saw you yesterday, in the same place where you and I would talk
And I saw you today, in the hallway, looking in the opposite direction
I saw you yesterday, under the same tree where you and I would meet
And I saw you today, in the classroom, holding the hands of another guy
I saw you yesterday, in the fields where you and I would play
And I saw today, in those same fields, talking to your new group of friends
I saw myself yesterday, in the house where we would hang out after school
And I saw myself today, in the same house, with no one but my shadow to accompany me

The alarm rings and my dreams are halted
The dawn is breaking in the horizon
As the sun raised in the sky has malted
With the overlapping colors of day
The birds commence their cheery songs
And the trees begin to dance as their branches sway
Thus marks the beginning of a new day
Of things to come and things to do
Whilst the clouds above are whisked away
By the oncoming atmosphere of tomorrow

I should have tried harder to pass this by
To make this easier, to bide my time
I should have been there to hear you cry
So you could have a shoulder to lean your head against
I should have listened to their advice
To all the ******-up things I know I shouldn't have done
To all the misery I've caused to all my friends

But now it's time, it's time for me to go
And I'm a fool without a single shred of doubt
And though it's time, the time has come to go
I'm still a fool without a single shred of doubt

And I should have been there to hear you cry
So you could have a shoulder to lean your head against
Instead I'm known to be the one to make you cry
And I should have listened to their advice
To all the ******-up things I know I shouldn't have done
But instead I'm known to dismiss the words of their advice
I should have tried harder
I should have been there
I should have listened
I should have been there
I should have been there

But now it's time, it's time for me to go  
And I'm a fool without a single shred of doubt
And though it's time, the time has come to go
I'm still a fool without a single shred of doubt

I'm just a fool without a single shred of doubt

I know I'm going to fail
But there's nothing I can do to prevail
The impending hoard of testing books
That will pain me with a simple look

The distance formula staring at me
The short stories taunting me
The velocity begging to be found
As I, ever so helplessly, look around
The room only to see the clock ticking
My time away from me  

My pencil has bite marks on it now
And my eraser is no longer on its brow
The lead is but a broken point
And my hand aches throughout its joint

But as the bell rings, indicating my freedom,  
I can't help but feel defeated
By the hoard of testing books
That pained me with just a simple look