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1.4k · Sep 2018
The Smile
Jacob Reilly Sep 2018
I smile to keep my pain and suffering hidden away from the people who make my life a living hell... Because they don't realise the effects that they have on the people who they hurt. Sometimes, the pain gets so bad, I don't smile. I just keep a neutral face... without emotion because emotions are what lead to other issues.
770 · Sep 2019
The Battle
Jacob Reilly Sep 2019
Leave me here
On the floor
Reaching out
Wanting more
Watch you leave
Through that door
From my soul
My love, it poured
I called your name 
But what's that for? 
As you left
My heart had tore
Because you are my lover 
And I was your war
Find yourself, before you let others into your life.
702 · May 2021
Moonlight Echoes
Jacob Reilly May 2021
The first time your love has to be hidden, you'll understand that "I love you" is a commitment.

You've always told of abstract loves: people, dates, fun that never yet happened. But he... he's different. This boy is not abstract. He's your first. Your first, and your secret.

The first time you met was an early day for you both, but beautiful nonetheless. The first date; the first time you've ever shown this vulnerable side of you. Holding hands and flying high -- so high you are in the clouds. You've never felt so free. Nothing, nothing holding you back. When he closes in to hold you as the horizon approaches -- as you fall into a state of carefree desire, brace yourself. You can't help but think, "where will we go next, him and I?" To-be scenes so vivid flood your imagination. And you know what? It's quite a sight, to look forward to a future brimming with life; a future so bright it makes your heart soar, as if heaven itself was right at your feet. You could try forever to describe it but... you smile because what's next to come is everything you never knew you've always wanted. This is it. Right here, right now.

Your first art project with another person, your first theatrical event & first request to be someone's boyfriend just as the clock strikes midnight, your first everlasting pitter-patter of your heart over someone so deserving, your first Valentine's day that you aren't contentedly alone but are happily in a relationship, your first shower with another person, your first haunted attraction experience, your first sleep-over & first waking up to someone so lovely, your first sneaking a boy through your house & first hot tub adventure whilst your family sleeps, your first "time" with him, your first midnight rendez-vous, your first SeaWorld fun day & first Busch Gardens extravaganza & first circus adventure, your first time meeting his sister, your first sharing of aspirations to someone else, your first asking him to revise your homework with you, your first dinner date & first saying "I love you" in the back seat of his car as tomorrow sends you back home, your first planning of a vacation that too soon will be postponed, your first planning a week together once school is out to sleep-over and everything else, your first discussion that ends as an argument, your first crying over someone who loves you under conditions only, your first make-up "act", your first Ikea trip, your first waking up too late for another more-or-less important commitment but to you he was the most important, your first serious phone call, your first break-up.

Your first time saying "I still love you" in your dark, lonesome closet, awaiting a reply, an echo, something. But you know that your love is unconditional, while his has its limitations; unrequited love will never yield your dreams. The pain of losing him is not abstract, it's concrete. This pitter-patter love won't go away. 

No... the first time your love has to be hidden, you'll understand that "I love you" is a burden.
623 · Nov 2018
Fragile
Jacob Reilly Nov 2018
Heart of glass... slipped and shattered.
581 · Dec 2018
Tired
Jacob Reilly Dec 2018
Lately... like for the past 9 years, I have been on an emotional roller coaster that I've been screaming to get off, but I can't get off, and it keeps going and going, and no matter how hard I try to get off of this stupid ride, I can't get out of my seat. And I keep trying and trying and nothing is working and nothing ever works and I don't have enough motivation to try anymore, so I lose all of my hope and I am tossed and turned and this ride continues... and there are times when it slows down and the track isn't bumpy and I'm not thrown as much, and I don't feel as sick... and then the loopy loops and the hills and fast speeds and everything else starts to pick back up again. And I keep hoping for the ride to break down and stop and finally be over... so I don't have to suffer, anymore.
561 · Jul 2019
Lost
Jacob Reilly Jul 2019
Beauty, is not what is here...
it is what is lost.
484 · Sep 2018
Acceptance
Jacob Reilly Sep 2018
Why do people hear my mumbles... but never my full sentences?
Why am I never good enough for anyone or anything?
I try so hard... so hard that it hurts sometimes...
Well... most times actually.
All I ever do is try, nothing more nor less.
It's not like I'm capable of doing it anyways...
Well... I am capable... I just haven't gathered myself to commit to anything just yet.
Why is it so hard to be accepted in this world?
One day, I won't have to try anymore. I won't even have to worry about it...
Until then...  I just hope to forget what "love" should be...
And believe the reality of it.
423 · Dec 2018
The Beauty of Numbness
Jacob Reilly Dec 2018
Well... sometimes I wish I could be alone, and sometimes I really feel alone. And it's a nice feeling for the most part. But having people who you can trust and be open with and love is always a nice thought. Despite the fact that most of the time they leave you stranded and isolated... but that's the beauty of numbness
384 · Jan 2019
La Vie est Un Bateau
Jacob Reilly Jan 2019
La vie est un bateau
Qui ne doit pas couler
Mais qui ne peut voler
Flottant sur l’eau

Sur une jolie toile
Il avance tranquillement
Grâce à la voile
Et au vent changeant

Mais parfois ça devient rugueux
Et l’équilibre devient instable
Et les vagues sont grandes
Et le bateau ne peut pas supporter la tempête

Il s’enfonce profondément,
Plus profond, encore plus
Et au fond
Le bateau est oublié

Mais pourquoi ? Pourquoi le bateau a-t-il été oublié ?
Parce qu’il n’y avait personne qui l’attendait.
Il a erré dans le monde
À la recherche de quelqu’un qui l’accepterait

Personne ne l’a vu pour qui il était
Mais c’est ainsi que la vie est parfois
Et ainsi, à jamais le bateau doit reposer
Sur le fond de l’océan.
344 · Sep 2018
Autumnvale
Jacob Reilly Sep 2018
As time passes, memories flicker like a flashlight that is fighting to keep its' strength. My senses are vivid; I don't want to feel. Thoughts; I wish I could forget. But you won't.
184 · Jul 2019
Windows
Jacob Reilly Jul 2019
There are sounds
Which shatter
The blankest of thoughts
Transforming the shadows
Into the flowers that blossom

Morning fields
With fog so thick
Raindrops shatter
The complacent dirt
A cool breeze passes
Through the blades of grass
As your fingers
Brushed through my hair

On dark mornings
I lie awake
I rise
I sit by my window
And I wait

With great patience
Waiting
For there would be no other sound
Than your voice
To shatter the silence
Of my heart

The draft of the window
My mind on you
My eyes shatter into puddles
From trying to remember
To keep moving
To keep it inside of me and let it burn me
To carry it in my palms for as long as I can

In the absence of your warmth
I am left to fend
I will wait
I will wait.
110 · Oct 15
Life: Part 1
Jacob Reilly Oct 15
SUNRISE: tongue-tied by your grace, all you demand
Is that my tomorrow awakes in the palm of your hand.
I may never understand the winds of your intentions,
But you shined your light right through my dimensions.
Caught eyes of others, their shimmers irresistible.
The double standards predictable.
05/21/2022
52 · Oct 16
Life: Part 2
Jacob Reilly Oct 16
WIND: blowing to move on, not to stay.
Whirlwinds of beauty and disaster on display.
Told you oceans of secrets, to which you reply
"Just keep blowing me, I’ll reschedule my flight."
Hot air balloon, your hand in mine
To think I once believed your heart could shine.
05/21/2022
50 · Aug 27
Jacob,
Jacob Reilly Aug 27
Watching you grow up is better than I could expect. A bittersweet masterpiece grown with colors left unseen by the naked eye. But the flames I see in your eyes prepare me for futures where the sun still sets on stories that will never hold you back from your purpose again. I fold corners in this scrapbook of your memories so I’ll never forget how easily contagious your emotions are. You are incredibly made: handpicked from this garden, marinated with the finest spices, crisp and flaky on the outside, sweetly tender on the inside, and perfectly served as a victory. You are my success and I am your successor. May tomorrow’s sunrise dance across your lips and kiss every freckle on your shoulders before leaving your dreams to trace the valleys you rest in. Wake singing the psalms of heaven written with your heart in your hand. You are the one that brings me back to love. Pray you keep finding what you’ve been missing and that your strength never fades. Part your seas, shake my world, build our throne. I believe in you.

Love you,
Jacob.
Went from feeling alone to being welcomed back home, and I found a restoration of my identity, a reminder of my self-worth, and a reflection of my myriad blessings in this life. Took too much for granted and lost it all, but still I am here today. May I humble myself to admit my wrongs, apologize, and give back to those I’ve taken so much from. To one step forward, God-willing.
40 · Oct 17
Life: Part 3
Jacob Reilly Oct 17
OCEAN: part your waves for me to breathe
Show me bubbling brooks I may one day believe.
Your progress sparked hope between skies and land,
A safe place for my body to rest in the sand.
But my words break you, we’re stuck in a crash
My breath now clenches your fine, cold ash.
05/21/2022
35 · Sep 30
Valley of Peace
Jacob Reilly Sep 30
In one bite of the forbidden fruit
This heart started pumping a different course
Chased memories of last Summer to the root
Learned to breathe in reverse
Vessels stretched open to accept your loot
Surveyed the universe
And returned home before the music went mute
08/18/2022

— The End —