Hey Girlie.
Yesterday marked the exact day when you died 1 year ago.
I still wish I could have done something about it.
I feel like its my fault that your still not alive.
******... I should have picked up the phone.
I feel like I'm living a movie now.
I hate being here without you.
I hope your happy now.

Imagine if I was normal
With normal thoughts and normal feelings
In a normal family in a normal house

But why be normal
Because if I were normal

…

I wouldn't have you

There is this guy I know, I call him Sabby.
He is pretty great.
He is funny and smart, he makes me laugh.
He likes the same music I like.
He asks me serious questions that are funny at the same time.
He is super sweet and I really like him.
Friend or more, I don't know yet.
We are still working on that.
But I still am glad we are friends.
He's the best:)
Love yah Sabby.

I want to be happy again
I guess I’ll just hide behind
My cold eyes
And empty smiles
Looking at you
Under the guise
Of childish hopes
And broken promises

I need to self motivate
Stop the self medicate
Stop the self deprecate
In ways I can’t emulate
I
Just
Need
You
To
Be there for me
Show you care for me
Stop this travesty
I
Just
Need
Love
To help me get through this
I
Just
Need
Love
To push me on
I
Just
Need
Love
To make myself believe
Everything is alright
Tonight

I sit and wonder
Why you acted like you cared at all
I guess i discovered
You can't accept it when I fall

I don't know what I did to you

But it's done
And we're done

I imagine you thinking of me
but then it just corrupts
I was hoping that you'd rid my misery
and your pain just interrupts

I passed you by
just like that, i just walked away
I had no idea I could pull myself to
And yet I am no longer imprisoned to stay

You looked my way
Just like that, you glanced by me
I hope you see I'm happier without you
I finally feel like I'm running safely free

I'm losing sight of what is real
Not sure what to believe

But I don't want to fall into your snare
I don't want to be all tangled up
Not in your lies
Not in my life

Autumn,
I miss ya girlie. In exactly 14 days, it will be day marking your death 1 year ago. I know that it was hard to live life to the fullest knowing that you could die any moment. But you didn't need to make your death happen any sooner. I wish I was there to help you through it. You were my soul sister. My missing puzzle piece. And know your missing forever. So everyday when I blame myself, I remember that moment when you told me the truth. You and I were walking to your favorite book store. Your arms laced through mine. I was smiling when you looked me in the eyes.
"Indie, I have something serious to tell you," You said with a straight face. I laugh as my mind searched for a funny response.
"I have Leukemia, stage 3. I've been going through treatment but its not working. I could die any day or any moment." The minute you said those words, my smile vanished. I never got to help you do the things you wanted to do before you died. You left your notebook at my house. The black and white one that you never went anywhere without. I looked through it the other day and found your bucket list. So Autumn, I will finish the bucket list for you. I miss you and I know that you're happy now.

I'll see you in the stars,
Your girl Indie