~
Underneath a crushing moonlit
Roses are dancing in a glow garden
Cram of comeliness whispering through my pensive
Applaud an agitating mind of dragging love
That submerging under a poetic passion
A wild **** of beauty wishing to crave a romance
Stressing on mind that makes
Bubbles of emotions simultaneously,
Touching and filling the empty dreams
That essence of heaven creating the melody of divine music
Passing through the poet's nose and nails
Deep ache  popping at the heart and stone
There render of love conceiving to catch a **** of heaven
A tangible gaiety that creates so surprising illusion
The glimmer chords becoming to splash
The utmost inflames growing to outburst,
Bursts into the fire of gaiety--
Psyche pouring a fathomless passion till the twilight
Where there I am dancing alone with my shadow,
Ah! my Love--
Oh! my Love ----
What a Crushing Moonlit!!  
~
@ Musfiq us shaleheen

He was my first for a lot of things.
      My first kiss,
      My first infatuation,
      My first night spent cuddling,
      My first lover,
      My first all nighter,
      My first shower buddy.

He was my first real heart break,
      The reason for my first cuts,
      My first night thinking about ending it,
      My first addiction,
      The first boy I ever cried over.

He was a lot of things to me.
He was my first love.
The first person I was every truly afraid to lose.

She's one of those girls
He said
One who wears a lot of beads
Beads that stretch to her elbow

And with one look
The look of guilt
Shame
Knowing

He knew
He knew the look on my face
He knew I was like the girl with beads

Panic washed over his ghostly face
Hurt clouded his eyes
Pulling up my sweater sleeve
He saw nothing

A sigh of relief escaped his lips
But he did not realize
..He lifted the wrong sweater sleeve

s.j.d

The first time a blade danced across my skin,
blood dripping from my open wounds like stagnant springwater,
a pain that I can mark as real, as consistent, as constant,
a promise of friendship stained a deep red,
I fell in love with self-mutilation.
The first time I skipped a meal,
first time I saw the thin frame of a girl all skin and bones,
all pointed curves and sharp edges,
I fell in love with self-destruction.
The first time I tasted nicotine on my teeth,
ash dropping to the floor and crumbling,
my demons lit up with my lighter
I fell in love with the taste of what I knew would **** me.
The first time I skipped my stomach meds,
later that night, I threw up everything good I thought about myself,
and I fell in love with self-hatred.
When I was taken off of Prozac,
I sobbed because he was my best friend who made me
so much ******* worse and I loved every second of it.
The first (and only) time I attempted suicide,
saw the innermost layers of my own skin
dripping with adrenaline and fear,
I fell in love with the bleak hospital walls
as I lied in a bed, watching this ****** poking and prodding at my arm,
stitching my pain silent-
no, no, don't- just let me die here, ******!
let me slice myself into oblivion,
it's not like anybody would miss me, anyway.
The first time I slept with a man,
a 27 year old,
the man who felt like a better father than the man I called "dad",
who was there when nothing else was but my razor,
I was 11, and I didn't realise what it meant
to give yourself to somebody so completely.
All I knew was that I was in love with him,
and that an experienced, older man
meant that *** felt really ******* good.
I presume that was when I fell in love
with the physical aspect of relationships
and for a long time, those physical aspects were all I saw.
The first time I penned my frustrations and hate,
raw and naked and painful,
in the form of an apologetic suicide letter,
I fell in love with the way I could romanticise pain.
I must have a notebook full of those by now.
but the first time I saw you...
I fell in love with the way you could silence my hate
without lifting a finger,
your stormy grey eyes that recognised I was seen and heard by everyone but myself,
your arm that I could grab onto so easily
because I knew in some way that it could stop me from falling to my demise,
your voice that could drown out all of my demons that swim around
in my mind,
that for the longest time have been trying to **** me,
I fell in love with you.
I fell in love with the honesty I found in you,
with the cold fingers that interlaced with mine perfectly,
the way my head fits on your shoulder.
I fell in love with the way you stood by my side
and pulled out your own rusted sword,
said, "I'll fight with you."
The suffering was definitely worth the reward
when it comes to what us being together put people through.
You've seen almost every side of me,
you've seen me consumed by hatred,
anger, rage, laughter, fear, joy, love,
slit wristless and bare skinned,
and yet, you stay.
You've got a few parts of a soul,
I've got a few pieces of a heart...
Let's make eachother whole.

To she who rolled me.over in bed.
And kissed my ****** lips.
Who bared my chest
And took control
and wouldn't get her hands off my untouched hips.
The basement dark
and her touch cold
made me feel evil within my veins.
I didn't know what was going on,
I was only in 6th grade.
To the girl who forced my face
to go beneath the belt.
I'm sorry if it hurt you when
I bit your piece of felt.
It smelled of death and
Was hot like fire
Please don't shove my head again
down near your fishy damp dryer.
To the *** addict I was with
for far over a year.
*** 5 times a day
from the front side and rear.
Well you ruined it for me
I don't know what tight is.
But I do remember the scars you gave me
when your claws would tighten.
To the girl I'm with now.
It's our second month.
I'm glad we took our time
because tomorrow night
you and I will make love.
Not forceful motions that leave me torn
or black holes that inhale me
but two bodies making love.
I know you will not fail with me <3

did you crumble against a wall
did you fall to your knees
or did you stay standing numb

when you cry do you sniffle and scream
or do you hold it in
till blackness consumes you at night

I wouldn't know
Because I will never be a causation
But I've broken enough hearts I could guess

I may not know how you hurt
But I do know your eyes
cried my tears
every time your heart was broken

You look so sad and lonely,
You look incredibly thin
You look like you want to cry
You look like you want to die.

I know you do, you told me so yourself
You told me that day you were crying
Whilst laying your head down on my lap
But you are my dearest sister

I won't let that happen
I told you how much you mean to me
How much i need you to stay
I told you not to give up.

You didnt't hear that last bit
You fell asleep your cheeks wet with a mix of both mine and your own tears
I love you so much and i need you

I need you to stay with me
I need you to be strong
I need you to know i love you
And i need you to want to go on.

Stop starving yourself
Stop feeling so lonely
I'm here for you my darling
Your sister is here for you.

I love you. And i promise it will get better. It's a promise i will make sure to keep.

We used to play
Pass the parcel
And we still do
But now we pass the bottle.

We used to play catch
And we still do,
But now we run
From our worries.

We used to play hide and seek
And we still do
But now we hide
From our fears.

We're playing the same games.
But we've completley changed the rules.

I lay there in your lap
Weeping like a baby
And you cradle me like a teenager
Would cradle
Her phone.