I'm living for an end.
Not so life can take itself away from me
But so I can take myself away from it,
Because I hate the pain
And love it also.

You're hurting me and I don't like it this time.
Stop it!
It hurts the longer these words are stabbed in my throat.
"I don't love you" wrapped into a rope and twisted round my throat.
It left bruises, like you
but this time you didn't kiss me with your mouth.

Slices formed in my skin,
pouring blood, like I had pulled each heart string by strand,
and laid it on my arm.
Like the scratches I formed on your back for fun.
This violent romance was our little secret,
but when it came to romance you never told.

You loved me from behind because then you couldn't see my eyes,
only the pleasure my body gave yours.
Didn't you consider,
you cross my mind from time to time.
In fact,
I wish you would get out.
I want to sleep without you
                                                -in this bed
                                                -in this head.

He falls from my thoughts like
autumn leaves from the trees;
dancing away on a bitter wind.

I survive the winter, easy to ignore bare branches
whispering of ghosts buried shallow
in the cracked and frozen ground.

I continue; I forget to regret as
the dark nights draw in
whilst I thaw out.

No fear of green here, nor of light
bringing colour to what I now
admit I have lost.

But, even so, as the earth twists on its axis
thought of him still will flower;
loathe to grow back as the sun shines.

When the light goes out at night, what do you see? Most people see darkness, black shades or shadows of objects in the room.

I see fear. I see what can go bump in the night, the things that leave your hair up on end and your goose bumps on your body.

I see what could grab you and torture you till suns first light. I see the future of one hundred possibilities come to life in a matter of minutes.

Yes you could say I sleep with the light on, it eases my senses. I sleep with a fan on to **** any sound rumbling outside my door. I do grip my pillow tight and have slept with on eye open as a child.

These nightmares dont just happen at night, I see them without closing my eyes. I see them as I drive down the road in daylight. I see them out with friends and movie theaters.

I must ignore the sight to get through my day, such like the hulk is always mad but learns when to turn, I am always scared and seeing the darkness but know when to block it and see reality.

Soon my mind will eat me alive, golfed in a world of fear and torture. As my fingers twitch and legs shake, the madness will paint brush strokes on paper and please other people in their own fantasy land, while i write it will be a cry for help....

It's over, I'm finished, deaths already won,
Used only my thoughts, had no need for guns.
The body still walks and the mouth still smiles,
But behind these dulled eyes lies a blank, lifeless isle.