Feels monotonous
Searching for glimmers of light
In such a dark world.

I miss you so* much.
I can still hear you saying
*"Things will never change."

My journal entries
Have turned into descriptive
Self hatred* *novels.

I haven't been writing lately,
Can't get out of this funk.
Not sure what to do to get over this ****.
I've been driving but I can't seem to pass the peak,
I kicked the car in overdrive, but it started to* overheat.
*I took a break and had a seat.
Got angry and started to overthink,
Remembered that it could be all over in a blink.
Realized I haven't been appreciating whats under my feet.

Words don't flow today.
                   Sadness seems to overlay.
                       Smiles can't escape.

I hate myself for what I did to you.
I never wanted to leave.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you happy.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.
You brighten up the room more than a camera flash at the Cheesecake Factory.
You brighten up my soul more than that.
I question how I’ve made it this far without you by my side.
I was trying to change.
Nothing I say will fix anything.
I just hope you’re happy now.
I don’t think I’ll ever be.
I love you more than life itself,
And I’d give it up to relive the past.

Used.
Always.
No matter by whom.
I will always be the pawn.
In your next move.

The words just don't flow.
Like pieces to a puzzle,
With no where to go.

Am
I losing sanity?
Or is this the beauty sanity sees
Before its gone forever

I wish that I could go back,
Erase the pain I felt.
Everyday seems like a mission,
With the cards that I’ve been dealt.
We all live in pain baby,
Just admit it for yourself.
Despite my current attitude,
That’s hanging on the shelf.

Please don’t leave me alone.
Be my shelter from the snow.
Hold me in and pull me close,
Tell me that you won’t let go.

When did my smile,
Seem to lose all its meaning?
To me, not the world.

I gave you the shirt off my back,
And I watched you buy a coat.
You told me it was cold,
And left me naked in the snow.

A minute of* time.
*I didn't think it was too
Much to ask you for.

Always scared to speak.
Feels easier to blend in,
Than to be unique.

Speaking now,
Is pointless conversation.
Like the fluid talks we used to have,
Got lost in filtration.
It's sad because lately,
I've come to the realization.
I used to hate the distance,
But now it feels like
A  **vacation.