It was my destruction- in the best way.
His presence, just that alone
Would make me lose all breath
I’d be panting,
Trying to catch what I had lost.

When I saw him
My heart would do anything
But keep a rhythm
I could never walk steadily
He was my destruction- in the best way.

His eyes made me shake
My bones turned to rainwater
I was taken by him.
Hung on every word out his lips.
He was my destruction- in the best way.

And when I thought he forgot me
It shattered me
The courage I found
To talk to him
I don't know from where, it came

Turns out he had not forgotten me
But moved on from me
And that’s what hurt the most
But that was the pill I needed to swallow
To forget him

He was my heart’s destruction- in the worst way.

I wish I was there again.
I wish everything that’s in my head got lost at sea,
that all I could taste was salty air.
I wish I was walking in the little shops
that all sold seashells and starfish.
I wish everywhere I was I could hear the crashing tide;
calling me back to the cold, fresh, water.
I wish my feet were buried in warm sand,
hiding from the chilling breeze.
I wish I was where time slowed to a stop,
where I had all the time in the world.
I wish I was staring into a never ending horizon,
where I wasn’t always running to catch up.
Where all I had to do was breathe in and breathe out.

I was in corner
Collecting dust
Waiting for you
Loyal to you

Until awareness
Consumed me.
I saw,
You didn’t even want me.

So I left.
I took my first,
Full,
Breath.

Since the attic
Of which
You left me
And forgot me.

Sailing ships
Cotton candy
A purple eclipse
Warm and sandy

This is what I dream

Forever mountain
Swirling by
A moon, grounded
A dripping sky

This is what I dream

Gears turning
My mind wanders
Always observing
Strange wonders

I used to tear myself apart
And bleed blue butterfly wings
To pause my torment.
My life had become pure survival,
On creating something beautiful
Out of a dreadful loneliness.

My life had become a horrific masterpiece.
No one understood- those blue butterfly wings,
Kept me alive.
I used to tear myself apart.
Slice, to release my anguish.
But a constant, it always was-

Lingering, waiting,
For the blue butterfly wings to vanish.
For me to rip myself apart.
Again, and again, and again.
At times it seemed
My suffering never ended.

These days are different,
For when those blue butterfly wings
Bleed out my skin,
They never mature to red    I devour them
To have lasting serenity.
Anguish will not ruin me again.

Because,
I used to tear myself apart.

I own the world
On a silver platter,
It is mine to destroy-
It is mine to devour.
When I'm hungry,
I will slice with silver knives
And scoop with silver spoons.
I will swallow the world whole.
And dab the corners of my mouth
When I'm done.
And everyone will know it was me.