Look into my atomic shadow.
In my purple and reds.

Drop in my subsonic dream.
In my orange and greens.

Walk in my sidewalk shoes.
In my midnight blacks.

Look at my shadows.
Drop in my dreams.
Walk in my shoes.

See my darkness.

I am made of wood,
I’m never quite understood,
a clockwork spring makes me talk,
pulling my strings makes me walk,

My painted cheeks are rouged with red,
as I slump in silence upon the bed,
no one see’s and no one hears,
my jingle, jangle clockwork tears.

Sometimes I feel Invisible
So utterly alone,
A miserable existence
Where no place feels like home.
That dark and musty halo
Always hangs above my head,
Pushing deeper into me
So harsh my sunshine bled.
Now reality is clearer
It's written in my veins,
Tattooed on my heart,
Binding me with chains.
And so onto this empty page
Is where my thoughts reside,
My ink is my emotion
And behind my pen, I hide.

Doors of skeletons
and closeted fears,
framed insecurities
warn down for years.
Beds of monsters,
talons in the dark,
creeping closer
making its mark.
Sluggish bodies and
pots gone stale,
moulding diseases,
where strong bodies fail.
Salivating hounds and
sharpening teeth,
kettle of fluids that
drink underneath.
Clusters of death
and moans of life,
try to escape but
Instead twist the knife.

My knife cuts me.
I am scarred.
Drip crimson red,
my life is marred.

I was living in color.
Now black and gray.
Fading in violence.
What can I say?

Infected by silence,
deafening pain.
Injecting the needle,
deep in the vein.

Feeling the flow
and gripping the ****
Toes over the corner,
fall to my death.

Fury sets in.
Daggers sharpened.
Circles surrounds.

Pounding hearts fail.
Subliminal trips.
Scarred memories.

Twisted my soul.
Sinister evil.
Insidious triggers.
Sights are clean.

Minds ruined.
Lost runaway.
Blind alley.
Point of no return.

I see a cruel world through my view finder!!

Devastated
Mental
War

Trauma
Decapitated
Enemies

Alone
Fear
Com­bat

Tortured
Lost
Sounds
Crazy

No new messages.

I don’t know where you are on the other side of the screen. But I want to know. Badly.

No new messages.

I’m not sure what I’ve become, in these seconds, of being patient.

No new messages.

My soul only wants one thing, I realize: You. Your attention. Your sympathy. Your words to make me feel better.

No new messages.

I’m going crazy now. I want you, your touch through words. I want to know that you’re listening to my thoughts. That you’re here for me.

No new message.

My patience is running out, my love for you is too. Staring at a screen, wanting something only you can give.

What has my life become? I am nothing. Saving time for you to talk to me, when I should concentrate on what’s important.

No new messages.

My life is useless. I am looking for the wrong goal. But I keep staring, hoping you’d somehow send me a message, telling me it’s ok.

No new messages.

I’m tired. I’m sorry. I can’t stop being the crazy girl I am. But I’m in love, that’s all I can say.

No new messages.

I get it, you’re not online. Fine. I’ve stopped caring. What’s the point? Forget you. I hate you. I wish we’d never met.

No new messages.

Yes, I’m still here. Can’t you see? It’s been hours, I’ve been staring at this screen since you said you’d be here. I’m not ready to give up. Are you there, somehow?

No new messages.

I’ve tried, but it’s getting late. I’m sorry. Even though I know you’re not here. Please know that I still care.

I type in a new message and then sign out.

I Love You.

Candle goes out.
Pitch black.
Silence.
Pushed back.

Alone in the room.
Fear sets in.
Hair stands up.
You win.

Lights back on.
I win.

You hear the buzz.
Your body is tense.
The needle goes in.
The ink flows.

You begin to relax.
Your mind wonders.
Black and grays.
Traditional.  Oriental.

It's mesmerizes your soul.
You are lost in the moment.
Minutes turn to hours.
It's all done.

It is there.
On your body.
For the world to see.
Permanent ink.

Maybe this death marks the stake post
Of a past life...
Something that says act right
Or make them chain fight

But eventually, at some point
you will fade away.

and what happened here will
no longer matter.

There will be no evidence of
betrayal
lust
sin
anxiety
worry  
or anything else.

So why give this importance
instead of everything else?

It's about loving what is in front of you-
nothing else.

We see people everyday we'll never see again.
Why put it all on me?
Why not love anyone of them?

I can't undo what I did,
I would do it again.
The importance of all of it you might never understand.
But that's for you to discover now,
as I can't and won't
hold your hand.
Sorry To Be A Let Down,
but as it is
I am what I am.