The girl you met at a party
And bonded with over how your father's are *******,
And which year you wanted to **** yourselves.

Who, you would laugh with
But never date
Not just because she's gay,
But because her anxiety is crazy,
Like yours.

You will talk about beer
And she will notice that boys with drunk families either love
Or hate the stuff

She will see you growing older
Becoming a drunk like your father
And watching your potential
Go down the drain

Because you tell her how you missed 80 days of school
And they can't technically expel you
Because you had a doctors note for your anxiety
She tells you how she didn't learn anything in 6th grade
Except which pills to take
To numb her brain

She will hold your hand while you run down a hill
Away from the other 'normal' kids,
For quiet.

She will grab your shoulder when you tell her you punched a brick wall till your fingers broke
And tell you "buddy, get some better coping mechanisms"

You'll talk about beer again
And she'll talk about how flowers make her angry

You'll play truth or dare
With normal kids
And you will get defensive of her

Why did you get defensive of me
So quickly

Is it because I was vulnerable with you?

Is it because I hugged you when you left and told you

If your father ever hits you again

Call the ******* cops.

Is it because you see you in me?

Is it because I am the healthy now you strive to be

If she could keep you alive a little longer
She would show you all the songs she wrote for you

"I wish I knew you in 8th grade
Because I would've never let you near that belt in the first place"

You say you're happy you didn't **** yourself, because now you have her.

She talks to you everyday
And her dark comedy flies through
Stupid movie quotes

With her
You talk about the future
Like something you look forward to,
Not like a fairy tale your mother told you,
Before you knew what scars looked like,
Before you knew the color of your blood.

She was obsessed and suicidal
what else can i say.
I could only be there so much.

Barefooted, ragged, with neglected hair, she was a thin slip of a girl, like a new moon
Head hung like a dying flower
She gave herself with open palms
Yet every sorrow and distress found her like flourishing weeds
There was no one I admired and hated more
The way they peeled her to the core
And she revealed she had more seeds to grow
Never was she afraid to show
The unchanging depths of her heart
Worth its weight in gold

I did something wrong
this day, last fall
The October wind took my breath away
I did something *****
this night, last fall
The autumn leaves swept my confidence away
The flickering memories still disturb my somber sleep from time to time

I did something brave
this spring, 6 months ago
March carved out the pieces I let cement in the cold
I did something bold
this spring, 6 months ago
I got up and left, chains still digging at my ankles


But I left,
I did a lot of things wrong,
I have the scars to prove how hard I held on.
But I left,
I did something right.

a couple months ago, i was okay
a couple months ago, i was poking a skateboard into my thigh
a couple months ago, i found myself in your arms, hoping you'd never let go
a couple months ago, you'd lie to your dad so you could spend the night
a couple months ago, we were in love

but now, i'm not okay
now, i'm leaving art class to cry in the bathroom
now, i'm chainsmoking marlboros, even though i know you hated when i smoked
now, i'm wandering downtown wishing i'd bump into you
now, i don't know if i can handle myself without you
now, it's not okay
but now, i'm still in love