I will dye my beloved brown hair blonde for you
Stand at the mirror -
I pour down the peroxide.
Knives grate my eyes and yet
they've never felt this alive
With my wild smile and
yellow hair. No longer a cub,
but a Lioness.

I will slit my wrists in the bath for you
In any case
these full veins will only take up space.
Fumes of pink against the ceramic varnish
I smile at the sight of your blood leaving me
and this bath has never felt so like home.

You wonder why I spend more time in the band room than in my house,
Its not that hard to figure out.

You know that feeling that you get when you let out all your air- and you sink to the bottom of the pool? You know that pressure you get in your chest when you need air in your lungs but can't breathe in? And you you know how your body wants to breathe in so badly but it's not physically possible because you're five feet under water? Well that's the feeling I have right now. I'm breathing but it doesn't feel like it and all I want to do is cry but I can't. I'm just stuck here alone with an immense pressure on my chest and no one notices the fact that I'm stuck at the bottom of the pool.

Dear friend,
I've been missing you to death
Years a prisoner and you're finally free
I hope its everything you hoped it would be
Your mind hung your soul on a string and dangled it in front of you
They painted your black eyes a shade of blue
Instead of one life you had two
You were never a stranger to me
Your eyes mirrored everything you wanted me to see
A mind full of wonder but so very far from wonderful
Because
Your twisted mind made lies out of your eyes
Truth is something you gain through pain
You know that very well
Sorry
Excuse me
I meant "knew"
Because you are gone
You left me half alive on the floor
But the door is still open
I could see you again
But I know you'd never let me in
Heaven forbid

You're screaming
But they'll never hear
You're crying
Conquered by fear
Now you're bleeding
And they couldn't care less
As you fade into this mess
Pleading please, please not today
But there's nothing you can say.
Because now you're on your own,
Oh so far away from home,
Forever all alone.

you told me you were leaving
because i smoke cigarettes
i stopped smoking in fear
of losing you forever
i went by your place to tell you
that i broke my bad habit
i saw you pressing your lips
against someone new
my walk home was lonely
and the only thing pressed to my lips
was a cigarette
i guess it's time to quit my bad habit:
you.

I’m a functionally depressed person.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself as this
Because severe depression makes
Me feel like I should be lying
Around my house all day and
Although I’d rather wrap myself
In the blankets of my bed,
I push myself out into the day.
Dressed in an outfit that’s not
Sweatpants and a t-shirt, but
Instead, jeans and a sweater.
Long sleeves to cover the cuts
On my arm, or many bracelets
With no colors that match my
Outfit but they cover my
Self-inflicted wounds from
The night before.
I fake a smile at people
That I pass by during the day
And I hope that they can’t
See through my eyes and into
My head. I hope they can’t read
The suicidal thoughts swimming
Around, filling the lack of serotonin
That I’m missing from my brain.
Their eyes feel like lasers shooting
Into my brain like bullets that I dream
Of releasing from the chamber
To settle in my head.
I’m a functionally depressed person
Because I function in society
Without anyone knowing that
Inside, I’m already dead.

You tell us to be who we are
But then judge us when you see our scars.