Handle me gently.
Mull it over in your mind
Until you find the words that match your intentions.
Say them quietly
So only I can hear.
Don't speak harshly.
Don't leave me hanging.
Don't blend into the background.
A word spoken is a word meant
So say what you mean
Because I meant what I said
And I'll say it again.
I love you times one million.
All my bad decisions were worth it
If my one right decision was you.

Casually,
Eventually
Carelessly.
Especially
Subconsciously.
I
Don't
Want
To
Be.
Words spoken to me
That bare no weight
Are harmfully
Empty.

I don't like any girl that could steal you away. Because she's there and I'm here.
She'll fall in love with you,
because how could she not.
First your skin should have ownership of (painting permanent pictures with needles)
and then the bits within.

I am so sick of trying to make people like me.
There is something to be said about an acquired taste.

I didn't always like mustard.

My feelings are hurt.
I say it out loud despite how stupid it feels in my mind.

The old me would be a self fulfilling prophecy.
The old me would prove your suspicions right.

Always on the defensive.
I feel like I always need to be.

But I am kind.
I can see beauty where others are blind.
I love hard.
And I love right.

Why so many opponents
When I'm not playing a game?

I know it seems crazy.
The circumstances are insane
But we need more people on our team.
Your opposition brings me pain.

I love him.
You love him.
And I'll love you
Because he does.

I won't get it the way.
I won't let my love run dry.
I won't  abuse his affections.

I just want to make him happy.
I want him to get what's best.
I want to fulfill him in every way.
I want to fall asleep on his chest.

Too much stillness
Not enough movement.
So I run long and fast.
But the time doesn't pass
Any more than it had
When I was just sitting on my ***.

**** I'm bored.
I need something to do.
A new hobby
Trying on some shoes.
Everything exciting is too far away
Too expensive.

If I could be content with my own company
And never have to rely on anybody
I think I'd be more happy.
More self sufficient
And people would need me
Instead of me needing them.

And I get so restless
I just can't stress this,
ENOUGH.
Boredom bathed in the waters of monotony.
Spontaneity,
I dare you,
Call my ******* bluff.

Drag your fingers
Along my arteries.
Dance along my spine.
Touch my nose
With the tip of your tongue.
Kisses on my elbows.

Life is a series of amendments
To what your idea of love is.

Today love is a habit.
Tomorrow it's a choice.

tell me a secret my summersoft beauty
can you tell the difference between something good and something bad?
when you're needing to be needed
look up and the moon
and promise to return to me one day.
very soon.

Proposed, she said.
And I said, congrats.
Because that means a couple wins
And there isn't enough of that.

The fastest way to my heart
Is through my fingertips.
But first my love,
Let's start with a kiss.

I've started saving up,
started saving so one day I can come be with you.
Saving up some money,
saving up some time.

One day i'll have saved a fortune
and a big chunk of my time
and i'll spend all that fortune on you
and i'll spend that chunk of time with you.

And i'll go broke,
but i'll be smiling
i'll be smiling cause of you.

Whirly twirly dandelion.
Whafty whafty breeze.
Happy sappy baby face.
He's down on a knee.

Don't ***** this up.
Make her smile.
And if you're feeling brave
Ask her to stay a while.

And she will cause she loves you
But then you'll leave cause that's what boys do
To pretty girls
With pinwheel curls
On a windy afternoon.

Ache
Ache
Aches.
Then come the shakes.

Struck in the side
Pelvis
And the face.

Loose fist,
Tight grip,
Eyes closed,
Teeth stripped.

Comatose come down.
Good intentions preceded
Translucent affections.

Ache
Ache
Achey.

Invest all my assets in this stock.
Empty my pockets,
Take my pride.
All I want is a guarantee that you'll stay
And promise to love me.

RSVP for our future.
Look into a crystal ball
and tell me what you see.

Is it me and you - us?
Or is it me, you, and the sea still in between?

Cause I'm lonely, that's why.
Or I'm bored.
Cause I'm sad and I need a distraction.
Because why not?

i don't remember the last time you stayed up until five a.m.
but i remember the boy that did.

your curfew may have changed
buy you're still the man i love.

it scares me how deep we can dive
and then in the next instant we're floating on the surface.
all that water in my ears.
all that sand in my mouth.
pffftttttt

let's piece together the continents
so you're not so far away.

it's fun to remember,
i'll list all the things i miss.

number one is you
number two is me
and number three is endless bliss.

you were always far away,
but now you're always gone
and i'm always waiting for my phone to light up with the notification that means you're back.
new email.
missed call.
new updates.
but not you.

the thing about you leaving is
i'm afraid you'll realize you don't have to come back.
and then you won't.
but i'll just keep waiting.
more emails.
more missed calls.
more updates.
but not you.

I don't feel like I'm slipping through the center of the earth.
The molten core won't char my shoes
And singe my hair.

No more quicksand paved roads
******* me in like a hungry mouth with no teeth.

Hydroplaning is a thing of the past,
Because it's not raining on my parade anymore.

Words aren't so reassuring anymore
Because words are what got me to this nowhere place.
The place I can't feel your flesh pinched between my fingers.

My nerves don't remember the sensations
That once nurtured me.

If you say I love you, you're signing a contract
A document that you acknowledge the sharp pains that keep you from sleeping won't cease.

You're forfeiting the feeling of being loved in order to show someone love.

You're saying: "I know this will happen again and it is worth it."

Mommy said if he's mean it's because he likes you.
She said boys are backwards and upside down.
She said boys are young dumb and fullofcum.
She said close your eyes when you fall so you don't see how much it's going to hurt.

I still have bruises, she said.

And I missed you
am missing
miss -
you.

Come home
this is your promise land
and I promise to love -
you.

Stay stay
tomorrow and today,
you're the one I want when skies are grey or -
blue.

the thing about writing is
what you write can be true
but that doesn't mean it's right.

The past is always relevant; but maybe we ought to ignore it.

If we have 20/20 vision in hindsight, then foresight blinds us.

I refuse to believe fate and coincidence are the same thing.

There's no way to talk about fate without sounding pretentious, but I will try.
You were exactly what I needed precisely when I needed it.
I needed you to be far away so I could nourish my independence and learn how to love something without touching it. Because no one taught me you don't have to touch everything you hold dearly. Sometimes the things we love have to remain under glass cases.
And sometimes to touch something is to hurt it.
I needed you to not need me as much as I needed you.
I needed you to ignore my advances.
I needed you to be snarky.
I needed you to have brown hair and eyes the size of saucers.
I needed you to have an affinity for otters
So you could tell me that thing about how they hold hands so they don't drift apart.

I don't know how to end this poem, but I will try.
It was you in the red sweater with the white birds.
It was your neutral expression.
It was that you were up late and willing to chat.
These are the things that made you the exception.

Silly little girls
Waiting permissively for permission.
The world isn't that big.
And you aren't that small.

Don't dismiss me all passive aggressively.
I'm a person.
Not a class.

Nonetheless, I'm sorry I got defensive and
For this passive aggressive apology.

I love you all the same.

Skinny is not synonymous with confident. Nor is funny synonymous with happy. But if you weigh 110 pounds, and make people laugh they will ignore your tear stained cheeks. They will overlook the limpness of your movements.

You could fall dead without having been known by anyone. They will peer at your corpse and claim to have known you. They may even cry.

Had I been fat and humorless they would have known me.

I shouted "I love you" inside the walls of my mind.
(Did you hear it?)
I pressed the words outward into the universe.
(Did you feel it?)
I pushed them through your nerve endings
and looped them through your blood vessels.

I thought about lying with my head in your lap.
I projected this image behind your eyes.
I painted still frames on the palms of your hands
and let you streak your clothes with memories.

I want to get naked with you always.
I want to be your *******.
I want your kisses in the night
when my legs feel heavy and I can't get to sleep.
I want your thousand mile wide smile
edging me deeper into euphoria.

And even if you didn't want me anymore, I wouldn't regret wanting you.
Because who can blame me for wanting to touch something perfect

The thing about love
is that every time it seems more real than the last.

This person won't hurt me.
*The third time's the charm.

Maybe beauty can run deeper than my skin
Because my skin is quite thin in the first place.

There
Is
A
Purpose
Behind
This
Pain.

I promise you.

Listen close baby,
perfect things bleed too.

and i'm not sure what's worse;
to be lonely with someone, or to be lonely without.

Dating is a test trial marriage.
Break-ups are practice for divorce.

Glances from across the room louder than the music
louder than the bass that everyone is waiting drop.
Musical notes clamouring against the floor,
don't pick them up.
leave them there,
walk around them
on tip toe
in ballet slippered feet.

feather light or lead heavy.
veins of lightning.

forming vowel sounds with my mouth.
ooooooOooOOO
EEeeeee
i. i. i.
AHhhhhh

Sew me together with fingertips like the soft kiss of lemon drops,
coming up the stairwell
the warmth of wanting
the bite of yearning.

Flushed pink.
Pinched red.
Pricked purple.

Spaghetti mind of soft thoughts
turning hard and stale like cracked chapped candy cane lips.

Naked and waiting.
Scabbed mosquito bites that bled bright red.
OOoooowww.

Gimme a sec.
3-5 business days until rejection.
I'll keep you posted.
48 hours of maybe.
Lemme get back to you.

No RSVP
establishing a lack of certainty.
but but but
Re: Urgent: Plz Respond ASAP

*But when?

I ran to keep from
UN-
raveling.

The soft bounce of my shoes on the pavement
was my way of pushing back when the world kept pressing its weight on me.

Yes, I want you to hate my ******* guts
so I don't have to spend 70 years earning the love I'm not worthy of.

I'm writing you a poem,
not to boast of my eloquence
but because your very existence has given me a lifetime of inspiration.

You are not a mere muse,
but you are every word spoken softly,
gently.
In my ear.
But if spoken loud enough everyone would hear.

So I will speak for you.
I will say it in a room that echos
so it can be heard again and again
until the words return to their original form,
a whisper.

You beautiful creature.
You beautiful boy.
I saw the honesty in your eyes.
**Like I heard your whispers.

I love words and
I love metaphors.
I love the muse that inspires the words
and how flawlessly these words form metaphors.

I love deciding how people perceive me.
Even I am beautiful when painted metaphorically.

I add a poem because I feel a should
because I want to
because I can.

But sometimes I shouldn't
Sometimes like now
when my words don't add anything but instead take away.

So really this poem is selfish.
This poem is being spit on by a best friend
or being stood up by a blind date.

You'll forget it
because you have better things to do.
Like joining a cause
or giving to a charity
or liking an inspirational post on Facebook.

While I'm writing selfish poems
you're winning humanitarian of the year...
**Congrats.

Where's my inner beauty.
Rolled up in a spliff.
Where's my peace of mind.
Jumping off a cliff

Writers are schizophrenic
Because in every character we create
there lingers a bit of ourselves
or who we wish we were.

I bled because it's the only way I knew how
to love you.
All that red.

Dip your fingers in it -
the romantic parts of me.

Color me all the shades
in the spectrum of your affection.

Love is not loving the perfect person.
(Anyone can do that.)
Love is loving an imperfect person, perfectly.

I'm not this perfect entity untouched by anyone.

I'm just a girl who has touched too many people
And not enough hearts.