hazy pounding in my brain
waves, shoving the storm closer to my skin
my eyes on the muted desk
my eyes brimming with the rain

the stars, quite literally,
aligned for the sweet & sour
meddling of the human race.
an artistic, feuding mortality now born,
thanks to the haphazard and
wildly unlikely mix of
tingling elements.
humans, we are in a
tiny sliver of time.
the stars, oh wow, they gave us
our legs and quickly enough
an unearthly load of growing pains.
a prophecy, a gift, a humble endowment
of neuroplasticity.
the tiniest sliver of time, where the stars
aligned, for the tiniest burst of
clumsy, hopeful light.
in these star-kissed structures we grow,
fail, fail more and fail again until
finally we decide which failure defines
our livelihood– a raw and honorable
pursuit which is not our ultimate
footprint. the starts, they know,
they die.
we must live our lives knowing
that we are in a sliver of time.

there is a deity in my brain cells
electricity, swift connections and
bursts of cellular interaction give me
a spirit, a will to live, a desire leave
something behind
drill down. you can find the soldiers
that built the person you see, smiling
electrons, a meaningless structure made
for human purpose
zoom into the clouds and you will find it hard
to breathe, to see, to persevere
the spirit you feel is embedded
in you
there are only stars in the sky

I am graced
with the ability to examine,
to see, to think,
that I am not living.
And when I realize this
I feel punctured,
foolish,
restlessly pensive.
I am cursed with
an anxious tendency.
why why why
I have everything– How could
I be
like
this
if I
have
everything?
I am graced
with the ability to examine,
to grow, to change
And when I realize this
I know I will win.
and this analysis - I promise -
will yield results.

what comes after
does not
belong
to
m
e
o
nly
what
happens
in the present

each one of my days
has a number
the numbers have been passing

at age 19, I knew this:
in order to live,
you must be conscious of the numbers

you must be awake,
life must be in your brain
veins are not good enough

every moment,
the numbers increase
and I start to see colors more