Mirror mirror on the wall
Why must you make me see it all

From the bags beneath my eyes
To extra fat upon both thighs

Every scar that marks my skin
From where I start to where I end

Why must I hear your laughter
Your cruel thoughts and evil chatter

Twisted words that break my heart
Come from you; they tear me apart

-ARI

I did it again.
I thought about ending my life.
I stood there,
Lost deeply in my withering mind.

I wondered,
What would I feel like
The moment before
Meeting death?

Would I be
So relieved to escape?
Smiling like a mad lady
One who's found peace?

Would I be afraid?
Afraid to discover where I'd go?
Heaven or hell;
Do they exist?

How would it be
To close my eyes
And never again open them?
Would I regret leaving?

Would I finally
Know how it feels
To be free without fists
Wrapped around my soul?

Would I be forced
To hear the words said
And feel the angered hearts
Caused by my departure?

I suppose with
all my thoughts of "what if",
I should just keep walking.
Maybe one day I'll find home.

I've been asked
More times than I
Could even begin to count
Why I would carry
A notebook and pen
With me always

Why do I so often
Spend hours writing
With my neck bent
Awkwardly for so long
And why ink and paper
Instead of a computer

I suppose it's because
The texture of a worn notebook
With crumbled pages
And ink stains
Seems to make my words
Feel incredibly valuable

Technology, though useful
Makes everything feel
"Watered down"
But for me books make
the world and all words
Feel brand new

Dear darling,
I decided to brave
The haunting winter
If only for today.
I took your sled,
The dark blue one
Of which you've always loved,
And marched it to the top
Of your favorite hill.

I sat silently for many moments
Simply to remember
The way your eyes
Would shine with wonder
The second your feet reached the top.

As I looked down the path
We have taken
So many times before,
My heart shattered once again
Knowing I am no longer
Able to look down my side
To see your sweet rosy cheeks
And crooked smile
Aiming straight for my soul.
The rivers seemed to never cease
As they poured from my eyes.
My lonely hands are frozen,
For there is no warmth,
Now that your small hands
Are forever gone from mine.

I stand sadly by my window
Watching as winter once again
Claims all that surrounds me

I once loved this season
Of icy snow, wool socks,
And fires to keep me warm

But now I dread stepping outside
For I know I will never again
See your footprints next to mine

I took the words
you wrote for me
and locked them
in my soul

Like the fireflies
caught on warm
dark summer nights
and placed inside a jar

Your words so sweet
they give me dreams
and helped guide me through
all the fears I couldnt see

I try so hard
not to hear
your quiet tortured sobs
ripping through my head

I try to sleep
but I can still feel
the weight of all your tears
weighing down my pillow

I try to ignore
searing pain gnawing
my every tender limb
from the blades you took to yours

I try to close
my bloodshot eyes to block
images of your bloodied body
laying beneath once clear water

I try to move
but its as if Im frozen standing
watching you fade away countless
times, your heart never stopping

I try to reach
hoping to touch your weary face
wanting to wipe the misery
from your beautiful eyes

I try to show
you I exist but every time
I reach for you I break the mirror
and youre gone once again

-ARI