this time of year feels like a memory already

i still miss you. i never stopped missing you. but i'll be okay.

you keep me awake,
i feel you in my veins.

i feel like a ghost. i'm just numb and moving forward to nowhere. i'm tired of fake friendships and i'm tired of having no goals. during this time full of beginning i am immersed in the ending of the only good thing i had. i want everyone to step away from me. not in some tragically dramatic way, i just think i need time to create myself and find me because god i feel so lost. i'm craving adventure and freedom because my mind is locked up and terrified of almost everything. i miss being myself. i don't know when exactly i lost myself or where i went, but i haven't seen myself since you drove me home.
come back, i miss myself.

cold plastic flowers in a chipped ceramic vase

happy birthday to the boy that broke my heart

the sunburnt skin on my chest is peeling
the same skin that your fingertips grazed over
softly at 2 am's and 10 am's
i'm renewing
but i don't want to
i miss you
         i wish i wore sunscreen

you’re a stranger that i know so well

the seasons changed and so did we

i spend too much time in my head

you have to be lost before you can find yourself.
and i am hopeless and scared but i am on the right track.

you were the sunburn i waited all winter for

we put on our favourite pair of socks and light some cranberry autumnal scented candle and try to pretend the days aren’t becoming painful

“see you next week”
we had no idea

it's cold outside tonight
the air is sharp as it blows snow around my city
i have wrapped myself in blankets
the same way the snow has wrapped itself around trees and blanketed the cold ground

and its dark,
icy,
slippery,
lonely,
and the edges of my nose get so red and cold that my skin starts to peel

but the sun can shine so bright
and it can bring so much light
and warmth

the cold winter is brought powerless

because
everything that is bitter and cold
can be turned sweet and warm
with some sunshine

and the sun is always there, waiting for her turn
to show you how warm and beautiful life can be

i crave to be seen but i wont let anyone look at me

everything is a blessing in disguise if you allow it to be

i’m tired of feeling this way
i’m tired of not feeling anything
even when i’m standing here
i am nowhere
this isn’t living
you’re not supposed to just
let time happen to you

let me out

let me fall in love with you
just so you can break my heart

i miss writing

you’re in my head, and i can’t sleep

it’s clinging onto nothing and refusing to let go

i still believe us