Blood, more blood
On the walls
The door

What you see is rusted blood stains
I see the flashbacks
Of myself,
Injecting poison
Thinking it’ll save me from my demons

You see sickening red colour,
I see my struggle
I see the girl swaying in thin air,
Trying not to fall, trying not to collapse

I see the arms with blood running down them,
I hear the muffled screams, “Help me, someone?”
Oh what a sight, that I can’t un-see now
She’s falling, hitting her head on the floor

Is she brainsick?
To yet put herself in this mess again
Overdosing like it’s a candy you can’t resist

Oh but, she’s only a human,
Trying to survive, trying not to die of emotions
Trying to let go of traumas she can’t forget
She’s only a girl
She’s only a human
She’s not a monster

I lie down by the dandelions
To sleep a peaceful sleep
I rest my head on the green bed
Going somewhere down, deep

I move my lips to make a sound
Words don’t seem to follow me
So I hover my hands to show
Try to make you see all that I feel

I like to keep my doors closed
Do it all for self defence
Shut you out when you try to walk in
Expect you to see through my lens

Lately I have been surviving
Thriving in my dark, impaired town
Madness spreading around like cancer
Fear and panic growing loud

It’s about all that’s within
Killing me slowly like a disease
All the things I can’t speak of
All the things making me weak

I have waited to be woken up
For this nightmare to pass
As the dandelions sway beside my mortal body
As I slowly fade into the soil
As I slowly vanish
As I slowly sleep
A peaceful sleep

Out of my little cage
Through the tall grass
My bare feet
Stepping into the wild woods

My skin aglow
Touched by the essence
Of the echoing howl
The rustling, abandoned leaves
Oh, the silenced trees

Amidst the wilderness
Swayed the blissful ecstasy
And as I touched, I snuffed
Rushing though my veins
As if my blood had no value
Ever

A wallflower, many wallflowers
My body off the ground
Heart out of chest
Oh, the delectation, the zest

I screamed
Hoping someone would be awake
To hear the sound of damage

If not me
I wanted to alert the rest
Of the predation I became the victim to

Because you were the kind of guy
They don’t warn you about
You’re the kind they praise

The one who gets into the house
Uninvited but welcomed
Because you know how to make them smile
Slowly infesting the heads
To get into cold beds
Because you enjoy the *******
You enjoy the art of treachery
The idea of being good at one thing
Feeding on the muffled, “Please”
But you don’t stop
Not until you fill blood in the crease
You’re ruthless, and you’re proud of it

I’m not sure if I can make it till the finish line
In so many years, I’m trying to be honest for the first time

When the sky turns dark, and the lights go off
I run with my demons –away from people, away from love

Its a ceaseless cycle —of needing to be seen but hiding
Underneath the cold blanket of meaningless conversations

It is not something I am proud of -believe me when I say this
I used to be the girl fantasising my first dance, my first kiss

But now I see how I’ve turned out to be so cold and grey
Because life is funny that way

One day you’re fearless and bright, almost reaching the sky
And the next you’re locked in your room, because nothing now makes you smile

There’s a highway to happiness
Beyond my sorrow
I have found a path to heaven

I fill my veins with drugs
Every night
A different sort of narcotic
A subtle smile

For a while it gets better
For a while I look pretty
And the world seems beautiful

Until it passes, leaving me drained
Gushing out of my body
Pulling me back into cruel reality

A dangerous place where
I am not who I am
I walk a different path
I say nothing I feel
Real, yet so unreal

So I tell you I am doing alright
Doing drugs all night
Washing away my scars
1 a.m showers, sounds bizarre
But
Isn’t, if you’re me
If you could, only see

Behind the walls of heaven
Your face
Masking your disgrace

You speak of pleasure
Immortality
All things packed in a wrap

You and your silly games
You, fooling around
As if the world is your only way

You visit us again
To leave again
Hoping things would be the same

Oh, my love
You’re not a friend, love
This time you come around
For your plain defeat
Our lives, hopeless and bleak
All because of you, my misleader
All because of you, my love