an understanding
my relationship
with her
was nothing but
a relationship with myself..

Not mad if you don’t want me
cause I’m still bad if you can’t see me
Can’t say my pride doesn’t burn
when I can’t get those eyes to turn
but I’m a killer mister
you’d probably run away after the first kiss
I’m used to the loving and the leaving
I’m used to the intimidation and screaming
doesn’t mean I don’t crave it sometimes
I wanna crush you up and put you into lines
blizzard my brain baby
You think I’m a crazy lady
but I think it’s **** hunny
so if you're going to leave
I wanna see you run away screaming
I'm just as afraid of you
as you're afraid of me

I'm surrounded by strangers.
Walking is so hard, everything is so slow.
When did time stop?
The chains are so
heavy...
My heart is aching,
my soul is shaking,
and my mind is breaking.
When did dreaming become a job?
I'm bounded by the unknown...
The question always lingering, like a bee hive that never sleeps.
There are silent tears that escape my soul.
When will this nightmare end?
And then morning comes,
and as I open my eyes, I become aware
that the nightmare
has only begun...

(-DF-06/21/16-)

When did everyone grow up?
These people act like they know the secrets of the universe,
but my question is...
When did I stop knowing?

Every morning
I pretend that I'm awake,
That everything is okay.

The truth is, I no longer feel alive.

And so I thought everyone felt this way...
But they don't.
They look forward to talking to their friends.
To going on vacation.
To living their everyday.

And I?
I look forward to closing my eyes.
To hoping that today will be different.
That maybe when I wake up in the morning I'll actually be awake.

When will this unnerving sadness end?
When will I feel alive?
When?

(-DF-08/24/16-)

I want to
lay next to you.

I want to
feel our hearts
beat as one.

I want to
feel your chest
rise and fall
as you breathe
me in.

I want to
feel safe
in your arms.

But I can't...
It's what I want,
not what you need.

(-DF-08/03/16-)

All I want
is to wake
next to you,
while the rain
is pouring down.

And all I ask
is to see
the sunrise
upon your face,
as you turn around
to me.

(-DF-10/10/16-)

In a room full of people
my eyes wander across
their faces in hopes
that I'll see you.

At night when I
crawl into bed
I'm hoping that my dreams will
lead me to you.

When I read my
favorite novels, their
lines remind me
of you.

And although I haven't
seen you in quite awhile,

And I'm sure you may not
remember me...

I still look for you.

(-DF-09/21/16-)