I stand in the center of a balance beam,
Between what you want and think I need.
I am lost, still in search of me.
How can I save you?
Your honeyed words in my mind.
Sticky with the memory of your sickly, sweet lies.
You claim love but how can I find,
The truth behind these words, I have tried.
Do you know who I am?
Do you know that I'm lost, still in search of me?
How can I save you?
You smile your broken smile at me still as bright as the sun.
While your eyes tell a story of the hurt that's been done.
And I want to hug you until your smile becomes one,
And kiss your eyes until they see nothing but love.
But you don't know.
You don't know that I'm lost.
Still in search of me.
You don't know that I can't save you.

So much is put on the passing of a second
Pressed with the weight of a world
Like sand they slip through grasping hands
The ever growing pile of a fruitless build
We long for control, a sense of being
To know who we are, and what we're seeing
Counting, keeping track of this and that
We're lost in numbers instead of life
In fact we can't ever seem to find the  time
But what do we lack?
It is not time
It's the same thing other creatures do have
The ability to live instead of keeping track
Never asking for time back
Or for more
They just are
So instead be like a sparrow, or a fox, or a fawn
And stop counting the moments from a watch on your arm
Don't document life with a series of ticks
Take back your freedom
You've got a life to live

I live for the day I'll be rid of you.
Rid of your name that still sits in the back of my head,
picking away at me.
It's crazy, how such a lovely thing can make me feel so dead.
I thought I was above the allure of addiction,
but here I am, tasting your name again.

I'm pulling metaphors from the air
Gliding over my fingertips and through my hair
What am I willing to do for a few pairs
Of rhyming words on a page?
I think I've let my passion protrude further than my happiness
And I find a thought lies in my head
It tells me how I am so in love with being alone
Obsessed with a search for a quiet home
I fight for the right words at the wrong time they say
While I try to run from the one who doesn't want me feeling that way
I can't atone for the thoughts I own
Because I own them nonetheless
And I can't contain the sadness attained
So I write and hope for the best
For through eyes as dark as mine
I've learned to document this horrid mess
And with stone heart inside my chest
I learn to live with less
I never thought that this facade would ever meet an end
But I saw art that's not as dark and prompted me to spend
A little time inside a light transforming who I am
Dispelling the cynical mediums
Between the ideas I thought of as menial
Maybe my hope lies not with loneliness
But rather it lies inside of your liveliness
And perhaps instead of silence I long for the laugh between your lips
I would move mountains for your love
I would drain seas to feel your bliss
In you I've found a future
In you I find happiness

My problems began the moment her blood touched my hands
Over such minuscule strife I took her life
While too late I learned my love for her ran deeper than my knife
Oh, if only it were one time!
One wound they could wind together
Pressing the gaps of her flesh into one
Not nine, oh not nine times!
And if a crime as awful as mine deserves death I wouldn't mind.
Because I took from a life the components needed to survive
I watched the look in her eyes fade into a dull dark sky
I watched the life of my world become desolate and dry
Crumbling mountains and molten rock flowing like fountains
Draining seas and stifling the breeze
A breath escaped her lips
And in a moment of frenzy to capture her memory
Upon those lips I laid a kiss
Still warm from the afterthought of life
If only I could give her mine!
I screamed and wished to reverse the flow of time
To un-puncture her chest and stomach and thighs
Oh, the red grows
Nine rivers flow
Painting her hearts mural onto the floor
I will not believe I have lost her!
Her heart slows but her soul beats strong
The march of death descends, no! This is all wrong!
I am not meant to lose her
I've waited so long.
Nine years...
For nine years I loved her from afar
Watching her live a life I wanted to be to be a part of
I won't lose her now, she won't leave my arms tonight
I'll take her to my house and sew her up tight.
With her wounds held together I'll fill up her veins
I'll drain my blood, this will not be in vain!
I'll replace what I stole
I'm sorry! So sorry!
My vision is blurry.
I see more than one of her I worry
I see nine
Nine of her, dead
Now only one thing is left
Her heart won't work so I give her this instead
I press the tool of death to my chest
I must be careful, I must.
The blade is pushed inside I must be quick before I die
I must replace her heart with mine
While it still still beats to give her life
I will save her
My vision recedes..
I will save her
My breathing is ceased..
I will save her
I'm brought to my knees..
I will save her
My love it lives on..
I will save her
If only my body were so strong..
I will save her
I'm feeling death begin to dawn..
I will save her
I know I can't join my love..
I will save her
I'm meant for below, I sent her above..
I will save her
I mean it, I truly believe it
You'll all see!
But who will save me?

I heard ten gunshots tonight
Five followed by five
What would you wonder?
Would you ponder the loss
The potential life gone
The end of that song
Among the mass
Do we even hear the gap?
A missing melody and shoe taps
Breaths taken and cigarette butts tapped
People ******, persons loved
Lively laughter, friendly hugs
They're all gone
But it's just one
Who will mourn?
Who stole out of scorn?
What did they use?
Who held the gun?
I'm not sure
But my cigarettes done
Maybe one more.
That's the funniest part
Because to me in my mind
This cigarette is my gun
And the death is my lungs

We all have habits
Hang ups we turn to when words fade from use
When the touch of another feels false
And the skin that you're in feels ill-fitting and loose
Of addictions we choose, are you the user or the used?
Light-headed from smoking far too many cigarettes
But it's better than the spins I get when your name is said
Her toxicity is met with one of my own
Eroding with every upturned stone
To find a reason to use the air in my lungs to talk to her
Instead of fill them up with smoke
But I don't.
Returning burning bile from drinking far too many drinks
But it's better than the taste of blood from getting hit in the face
A father who longs for the respect of fear
Maybe he hits you because he hates himself
And he sees in you the colour of his eyes or the curl of his hair
Or maybe he just does it because it's easier to hurt than to love
The same way you drink because it's easier to be drunk than to forgive.
So **** anyone who does anything to keep you from being able to live
But try to forgive
Not for them, but for you, to begin to heal these wounds
Because your peace of mind was not built for two
Live while they rue.