Rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.
But never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.
Until the night,
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger.

So you wonder what it is like?
What it's like to rely on drugs to get by?
No it is not the greatness you were promised.
No you are not cured with a bit if lithium.
No not even the Prozac helps.
It just pushes you deep into the ocean.

You wonder what it is like?
What it is like to drown in the ocean.
I will tell you now it is not fun either.
The grey waves push you down to the depths and the light disappears.
That's when you are introduced to the silver.
That is when the silver begins to nip at your pale freckled wrists.
The ocean is not an easy swim.
No sun tanning here.

You wonder what it is like?
What it is like to be thrown into the sky?
Yeah it's fun at first.
But eventually what goes up must come down to earth.
I crash hard from my natural high.
And you thought it was fun.

Just a word of advice.
Never try to experience first hand what it is like.
By doing that you pretty much sacrifice your life.
Hand over your light.
Exchange it for a contract with the blade.
Get ready to meet the doctors.
Get ready for the long white halls to become home.
Get ready to take nasty tasting pills.
Because that will be your life.
Never wish to e mentally ill.
Those who are would trade anything to be sane again.
At least I would.

The days are dark.
The fog lingers here as you drift into unconsciousness.
You are safe now my love.
You are safe.
The words that leave are repeated in your mind.
I am safe now.
I am safe.
The darkness stands no chance against me.
For I am alive.
You are safe sweetheart.
Let me guide you though the night.
Let me lead you to the light.
Now until in gets bright.
Her I shall stay holding you tight.
Listen to the rain.
Hear the pittering sound fill your brain.
Every beat threatening sleep.
Somehow yet a bit soothing.
Goodnight love.

The polar bear died.
I cried.

I watch her in the corner of my eyes
Often looks can lie
She is beautiful in so many ways
I could get high off her looks for days
She has blondish hair
Looks around the room without a care
I know people stare
They watch me to
There disgusted by what they think I do
They are not right
No conclusions should be drawn from sight
She has short hair
A look of dare
A face that says everything
Her voice is beautiful and rings
She stays there like a stone
Beautiful and alone
I yearn to speak to her
But I don't have the nerve
It's not a good time, nor place
But yet again I look at her face
I would never know what she was like
Again I am just a ****
A crushing hard ******
Nobody ever knows
They are all fantasy
Never reality
I've always made things bad
Made my girl sad
I am done trying
Never knowing what these girls keep seeing
I'm a moody *****
Half the time I want to go die in a ditch
I take pills every night
Drink until I see the morning light
What do they see
All I see is worthless me
Never meant much
My ex said don't talk such
She said I cause the pain
I say I'm just on the verge of going insane
And anyways half the girls I have liked have been straight
In the end I found it to be great
At that I roll my eyes
Every time a bit of me dies
An I love you
Then a babe do you know what I do
The sad truth
It still kills me
And makes me be
The ***** who's moody
Who nobody really sees
I cry at night
Am growing less acquainted with the light.
I am going back to dangerous ways
Cutting my wrists with a blade
Today it bleed all morning
That was fun to hide.
I went in the bathroom to wash it
Watched a girl stare horrified and just shrugged.
Nothing left to loose.
I don't really have anyone except maybe Em and a few others.
Gosh if she knew how much she helps.
I feel like I don't show her enough.
Enough emotion and change.
I know I hurt her.
If she ever reads this I want her to know that no I am not okay.
Yes I look up to you everyday.
You made me out down the knife.
You saved my life.
Multiple times you've showed me light.
You've talked me out of suicide late at night.
That means so much you don't have a clue,
Emily just how much I love you.

Black hair
Always there
Brown eyes
Glow at night
Sweet skin
Drawing me in
Long gone
Nothing but a forgotten song
I left you
It was stupid to do
Ill never get you back
I'm always under attack
You are still my only love
My pure white dove
I cry every night
Hold myself tight
Remember you there with me
Giving the life I couldn't see
I will never forget
You made me feel lit
A feeling I never had
Now I'm so very sad
But love don't feel bad
It had to happen
My life beauty always ends

Brightness illuminates the path.
Darkness reaches out as you jump.
Feel your feet hit the light.
Darkness can't touch you here.
The light provides shelter.
Now picture the light.
Can you feel it beneath your feet.
Can you feel it wrap it's rays around you?
Is it hot or is it calming?
What shape does it take.
Now remember what this light looks like.
You walk farther away from the darkness.
Turning around you say Goodbye Darknesss
Say it aloud, "goodbye darkness"
You are alive and healthy.
General but strong.
Here the Darknesss Cannot touch you.
The light pushes it away.
Whenever depression comes at you picture your light.