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 Feb 2018 alyssa ann
mumu
You have red, blue, and white pills on your hand
Drink it up and make it stop
All the pains in your heart.
But, you are better than that.
Better than the people who called your body.
Better than the people who called you ugly.
Cause you are wanted.

You have knife on your hand,
Ready to cut your wrists
Bleed out all those aches and worries.
But, you are better than that.
Better than your problems.
Better than your miseries.
Cause you are important.

You have rope on your hand,
Lace it around your neck
Drown your mind, drown your demons.
But, you are better than that.
Better than your ugly thoughts.
Better than the voices in your head.
Cause you are not alone.

And you did the best for staying alive.
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
Lauren Grace
You attempt to make clear that your genius is blatantly obvious yet hard to explain.
I stroll towards the champagne.
"Whats wrong? Am I being too plain?”
Your words hit like a train, causing intolerable pain.
The letters you manage to tie together tend to intoxicate my brain.
But I have promised myself that I would be nothing but honest, even in vain.
So I whisper affectionately to you in order to explain,
"Your words often remind me of acid rain."  
The reasons for your sentences are rarely found down the drain.
Except maybe to precipitate folks a great deal of pain.
Your voice sounds nothing like music
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
Lauren Grace
I struggle with the seatbelt in your car.
You express passionately,
"You'll have to stay with me forever."
You don't understand how much it frustrates me that I love you.
Because I know the whole unadventured world lays ill at ease outside your smeary windows.
But the safe sentiment of your vehicle leaves me wrestling with myself.
To be free or to be unassailable.
"You know.. I love you since probably 5 years."

I played a bit too much that day,
not like I didn't love you back
I just wasn't sure if this is right.

"I don't know.. Love is such a powerful word."

I hurt you so much that day,
not like you didn't won my heart
I just couldn't love myself.

"Its okay, I know that I'll never love someone that much ever again."

I regret this day
not the choice I've made
I couldn't handle my own mind.

"I don't want to hurt you more than I already did."

I was your first big love
and I hurt you so much
That you're now playing with innocent hearts.
I'm sorry.
i told my therapist about you,
while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body.
i showed her the places we had been,
and all the things we had seen.
i told her what lies underneath that pretty
                                              pretty
skin of yours,
and i told her how i knew.
i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard,
i told her about the   first     night
and the      second
and the   fourth
and that time in the closet.
i told her everything,
i really just wanted to   get
                                                  you
                                      out  
of my brain,
it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain.
because you've  moved   on  so why can't i?
i told my therapist about you,
but i still can't tell you
                                           goodbye.  
i know i'm  s t u p i d,
for holding on this l
                               o
                                n
                             ­    g,
i know it's useless,
for wishing you weren't                              gone.
but my words carry on like a heartbeat
s     l      o      w
steady
                          fast
u   s   e   d
  n    t   a   y
i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and
i told my therapist about you.
i think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something that great will never ever happen twice

****
i was in so much pain when i wrote this, my lover had just left with two years of my life and i felt so so so alone. i chewed through therapists constantly, they left me behind because i was too broken to fix. i hated them all. but there was this one, this one singular human being that listened to me. she didn't flinch, she didn't look at me like i was a broken puppy left for death. she just listened. i was all over the place, but i managed to lay out my entire mind for her to dissect. and she did. she helped me so so much, and i could never repay her enough for how she has helped me. when i got home, i wrote the basics of this. it was like 12:30 when i wrote it and i couldn't sleep the next night so i decided to make this look exactly how i felt when i wrote it the night before. how my lover made me feel for so long. so i did. i was crying mountains, i was hyperventilating, i threw my phone through the wall. i put all my anger, blood, tears in each letter, each space. i put it all in there and then posted it a couple weeks later. i didn't show anyone. i just put it out there, hoping my lover would see it. but it didn't even matter cause when i woke up, the whole world saw it instead. thank you. i love you all.
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
skyler
golden
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
skyler
he may have broken her
but her eyes will still glow golden in soft sunlight
even if her cheeks are stained with tears

s.s
wish we could talk like we used to
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
Eliz
Blessed
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
Eliz
And I'll take on the world.
This is me,
Whole again.
Taking every new step,
Conquering it without you.
This is me,
Holding hands with someone
Who wants to keep me,
Cherish me for who I am.
This is me,
Forgiving you for the hurts I've felt.
This is me,
Thanking you for letting me go,
Discovering a life I'd never imagined.
I am blessed that you let me go.
Truly blessed, to had you in my life.
 Jan 2018 alyssa ann
Mina
debating whether i am allowed
to go out of the house at 8pm
or not
“because i might get *****”

debating whether i am allowed
to wear that skirt that goes little above my knees
or not
“because i might get *****”

debating whether i am allowed
to meet up with a guy
or not
“because i might get *****”

debating whether i am allowed
to stay at my friends house when they have older brothers
or not
“because i might get *****”

debating whether i am allowed
to go on a school trip
or not
“because i might get *****”

Do you see this?
Do you see the reason they give for a woman to not do certain things?
****.

How can we live in this world
peacefully
when we have to fear for our lives
almost every moment

— The End —