every time I tell myself to breathe
it works for 10 seconds
but then my heart, shrivelled and dry, ironically bleeds
what if I'll forever feel this way? I start to reckon

I feel the anxiety creeping up on me again

what is the maximum threshold?

how much would it take to bend before I break?

Everyone has those days,
Where they just can seem to pay attention,
Where all they want to do is look out the window.
For me, Its everyday,

Everyday since I could remember misspelling my name at the top of my paper,
That went on till I was in third grade,
Its funny how I can write it so simply now,
And how the spelling of my name,
Used to be the least of my worries.

I remember when I used to jump around all the time,
Not ever being able to calm down,
Now I have that restless leg syndrome,
Whenever I’m called on by a teacher,
My anxiety kicks in,
But I still have to sit there uncomfortably,
And answer their question,

Honestly, its not fair,
When people think its all an act,
I wish they would see how I struggled,
When I’m unable to ask for things I really need,
Because I’d rather take a zero then let someone make me feel,
Less then,

More than I already do,
When I am the awkward one,
with my “friends” in the conversations,
Not being socially acceptable,
Because sometimes I talk when I shouldn’t,
Or don’t always get everything,

But when teachers don’t even want to try,
And understand you,
And maybe help you when they're supposed to,

Why do they expect me to keep trying?
When I’d get the same results,
if I just gave up.

This is what happens when you have an unseen disability,
Because no one believes it's a really thing,
So everyone gives up,

Everyone thinks kids use it as an excuse to be lazy,
But anyone with it,
Know how hard it takes to work for something,
And then watch it mean nothing.

my fingernails are jagged
from all the times i used
them as screwdrivers
to unscrew the blades
of pencil sharpeners

it was late at night when things got silent.
a mid aged woman's daughter, snook her moms bottle, the same bottle that sent her mom insane just earlier that night.
the girl drank gagging to the taste, and she kept drinking.
the bottle then became empty.
her world was blurry
just like her mind that night.
she was numb just like her heart,
it was like a dream to her.
she was chasing the butterflies the same way she would chase her dreams.
alive, and walking dead.
she went into the bathroom and looked up in a mirror were she saw nothing.
she felt worthless to herself so she sat on the floor, took out a razor and began taking it apart.
holding her blades hesitant and courageous, she began to hover over her wrists.
the sensation of release before the slicing through her fragile angelic skin.
she cut and it was deeper than what she could normally take.
she counted as the drops of her own blood spilled out, watching the life fading away from her right before her very eyes.
she started to loose count and began to look up at herself.
she waned to go back but it was already too late.
she fell to the ground before she could even scream her pain.
she dropped beneath the ground and kept sinking.
oh god where did she go...