since i was small,
i wanted to live forever.

every dawn is a hit of reality
and i’m eager for another.
and another.
and another.

i exhale, my cool breath hitting the air -
flavored with desperation;
is it so wrong to want more?

i wilt, only slightly, thinking about the end.

when i slouch in my chair,
i feel my heart shift closer to the soil at my feet

and i do not sink in the midst
of the flood -
i do not lose myself in the rainwater
pooling at my ankles -
i do not clench my eyes shut,
fearing where i will go
when i do

i need this more than you,
i swear.

and when i feel the back of the chair
digging into my spine
or the quiet, creeping ache of age
tugging on strands of my hair,
i resist; i deny it

the adrenaline of dawn’s kiss
is my defense against the rot,
but the night reminds me
of being small with skinned knees and a medicated wish.

i surrender, subject to the infestation of memory -
yet, my oldest prayer continues to echo
in every inch of this room:

sempervirens, sempervirens
(always green, always green)

Is there any wonder
why you're niche?
You speak of specifics,
in a world dumbfounded
by careful detail.
What the hell's the point of this?
Its creator better explain it to me,
if they want my sweet green sheets
of superfluous pillow stuffing.
Is there any wonder
why you're niche?
You speak of specifics,
and America speaks with money,
"Give me Very Easy, as
at the end of the day
I just want to wind down
my thoughts, and turn off my brain."
You're alone,
because you go,
"Hit me with that good ****!
I wanna think and speak
tongues with a loved one,
til we both change into eggs."

This is my song:
Where are my loves?
I thought misery
loved company.

If I'm on the mend
are you mad at me?
I can quit.
I choose you,
over most things.
I am
The Fool.
Are you conscious of what you want?
You confess all your want for me, and it's sweet,
but the important details are missing.
What do I do for you? What can I do for you?
Can you name one?
I thought not,
but that's okay,
you silly thing.

How's it going, these days?
   Pretty good.
How's your family been?
   I wouldn't know--
   I renounced the blood.
   In doing so, I kicked the sick.
   I can't make a better world, but
   I can pen an ending to this ancient curse.

   I can choose a family,
   & I chose the
   vertebrae that
   puts my spine back
   in alignment.

I always had this choice.
Now I can see it.
I can let the blood,
and guarantee the world,
I'll have no progeny.

Trust me, when I say
it's my gift
to you and yours.

;)

Lying teeth

-
         Creep
                                Dearer.
-
silence roars.
The closer it contracts,
further it draws away.

Astonished to find
You're still confined inside
Your mind.

Destroy the weaker
and hide behind reticulum.

In the realm
of a hollow crown
I absconded,
endeavoured to uncover.

I‘ve left myself behind,
an inch
beneath water

                                     decorous

A wisp of smoke
as it climbs.

Carry your shame,
rise to the chime,
an unfamiliar invitation.
Bring your mind back around,
around to this
                                    callous.

The room begins to gratify;
You tax,
obambulate,
              depress.
                       ­            diminished.


Penduluming
will never
mollify,
                           placate.


The moment you appreciate,
               Passing.
-
Treasure motive
abhor being.

Be succinct.
Prove,
Demonstrate.

I loathe to appear boring
but I am.

Mesmerising reflections
Sordid depths pried
for a sliver of truth.
Geometric shells
Fenestrative awakening
enrapt you non-somnambulant.

Suddenly
I find attraction no longer active.
It must be an affirmation
I’m unsure of what
Perhaps never to know.