They've always made me anxious,
I don't know how they work,
& The sun is impossibly golden,
Sinking with hope, eternally out of reach.
I can't
I can
Breathe

I can't
I can
Do this

I don't know
Don't need to know
Where I'm going

I'm going to get
On the ******* bus
And I'm not going to panic

I write.. so it seems
With messy sentences, run-ons and proses
All that my mind screams

But.. Funny enough —
the plots are starting to appear in my dreams

Perhaps I overthink it too much
But who knows?
It’s just fun to live through your story in your dreams

Remorse, the thing with chains
that keeps you awake
A viper that swallows you whole,
leaving all and nothing unseen;
Everything had been a mistake
So it tells me, it’s eyes so keen;
The feeling of being unloved,
and having nothing left to take
passing by shattered windows and desolate lanes

It raps at your door
holding its hand out, expecting more;
The hearts an ache,
Tears pour, the eyes sore
as it lets off what’s enough to fill the mothers lake;
The body’s tired,
giving no more than what’s reaped;
The soul’s betrayed, feeling the fall of being falsely repaid

Grab it by the thorns,
and you’ll bleed once more;
There’s no escaping it, let it sound it’s horns!
As the soul heaves it’s last breath, shattering at its core.

The strings, twisted, tangled,
Dipped in wax & hung & mangled
Dripping, hot & molten, eaten, fraying
Thoughts lit up & lost

Don’t you like this game?
Don’t you want to play?
I write essays on the things that drive me insane
Wish i could show you but I’m too scared to burn you
My bones protest but I can’t bear to hurt you
I can’t have you recoil again, not after
The dance it took to bring you here
Yet you reject me until you bring me laughter

The strings, twisted, tangled,
Dipped in wax & hung & mangled
Dripping, hot & molten, eaten, fraying
Thoughts lit up & lost

The wick is afire, it burns, it burns
The wicked desire to hurt, it burns
It’s screaming & engulfing & it’s crawling up the walls
Surrender to the dance, consumption
Beautiful, twisting destruction

Shards of glitter flick against dark windows,
Lit to sparkle from city lights
A hypnotic pattern of movement,
In hands
Fidgeting,
Fluffy toys, keys
The soothing soft voice,
Impossibly gentle
Peeling away at softened shells;
No, I won't answer that question,
Not because of defences
Or pride,
But simply because I do not have the words
To explain exactly why I am at peace,
In a calm moment
From pre-occupied turmoil.

Yellow lattice fences and dimly lit
   train tracks
Are whisking me away to
Some place of unsafety,
And I only want to thank you
For this respite,
Sweet little shard
Of glitter

The air is cold
I missed this.
The amber glowing glares at my back,
Its glowering concern of my travels
Dipping slowly below the horizon

I forgot this magic
The "wrong" adventures,
The temporary gold of sunlight
Wavering before distant storm clouds

I can't wait for this gathering
After the sun has set,
My peers and "children" singing softly
Away from dangerous homes,

I've missed
Walking away
From the safety of a home
At sunset

Corridors I'm too familiar with,
And will beg on my life in dreams to
     Keep away from
The fingers of fear poke & ***** at my skin,
& Follow,
Follow up deserted streets &
Over steel & iron gates &
Under concrete arched bridges &
I'm too bored to sleep,
Yet my eye twitches;
The need to gather up every empty whiskey bottle
& Every lost and stolen piece of nonsense
Nonsense
For the first time i want to go home,
Because no-one's home
And I'm getting so tired of
Running on empty