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Lorenzo Neltje May 2021
They've always made me anxious,
I don't know how they work,
& The sun is impossibly golden,
Sinking with hope, eternally out of reach.
I can't
I can

I can't
I can
Do this

I don't know
Don't need to know
Where I'm going

I'm going to get
On the ******* bus
And I'm not going to panic
Wish me luck
  May 2021 Lorenzo Neltje
FC Azaele
I write.. so it seems
With messy sentences, run-ons and proses
All that my mind screams

But.. Funny enough —
the plots are starting to appear in my dreams

Perhaps I overthink it too much
But who knows?
It’s just fun to live through your story in your dreams
  May 2021 Lorenzo Neltje
FC Azaele
Remorse, the thing with chains
that keeps you awake
A viper that swallows you whole,
leaving all and nothing unseen;
Everything had been a mistake
So it tells me, it’s eyes so keen;
The feeling of being unloved,
and having nothing left to take
passing by shattered windows and desolate lanes

It raps at your door
holding its hand out, expecting more;
The hearts an ache,
Tears pour, the eyes sore
as it lets off what’s enough to fill the mothers lake;
The body’s tired,
giving no more than what’s reaped;
The soul’s betrayed, feeling the fall of being falsely repaid

Grab it by the thorns,
and you’ll bleed once more;
There’s no escaping it, let it sound it’s horns!
As the soul heaves it’s last breath, shattering at its core.
Remorse —
A cry so loud, and a pain so poignant
It deems you dull
A sore
hard to mend
Twisted enough
To make the mind bend.
Lorenzo Neltje May 2021
The strings, twisted, tangled,
Dipped in wax & hung & mangled
Dripping, hot & molten, eaten, fraying
Thoughts lit up & lost

Don’t you like this game?
Don’t you want to play?
I write essays on the things that drive me insane
Wish i could show you but I’m too scared to burn you
My bones protest but I can’t bear to hurt you
I can’t have you recoil again, not after
The dance it took to bring you here
Yet you reject me until you bring me laughter

The strings, twisted, tangled,
Dipped in wax & hung & mangled
Dripping, hot & molten, eaten, fraying
Thoughts lit up & lost

The wick is afire, it burns, it burns
The wicked desire to hurt, it burns
It’s screaming & engulfing & it’s crawling up the walls
Surrender to the dance, consumption
Beautiful, twisting destruction
Lorenzo Neltje May 2021
Shards of glitter flick against dark windows,
Lit to sparkle from city lights
A hypnotic pattern of movement,
In hands
Fluffy toys, keys
The soothing soft voice,
Impossibly gentle
Peeling away at softened shells;
No, I won't answer that question,
Not because of defences
Or pride,
But simply because I do not have the words
To explain exactly why I am at peace,
In a calm moment
From pre-occupied turmoil.

Yellow lattice fences and dimly lit
   train tracks
Are whisking me away to
Some place of unsafety,
And I only want to thank you
For this respite,
Sweet little shard
Of glitter
Lorenzo Neltje Apr 2021
The air is cold
I missed this.
The amber glowing glares at my back,
Its glowering concern of my travels
Dipping slowly below the horizon

I forgot this magic
The "wrong" adventures,
The temporary gold of sunlight
Wavering before distant storm clouds

I can't wait for this gathering
After the sun has set,
My peers and "children" singing softly
Away from dangerous homes,

I've missed
Walking away
From the safety of a home
At sunset
Lorenzo Neltje Apr 2021
Corridors I'm too familiar with,
And will beg on my life in dreams to
     Keep away from
The fingers of fear poke & ***** at my skin,
& Follow,
Follow up deserted streets &
Over steel & iron gates &
Under concrete arched bridges &
I'm too bored to sleep,
Yet my eye twitches;
The need to gather up every empty whiskey bottle
& Every lost and stolen piece of nonsense
For the first time i want to go home,
Because no-one's home
And I'm getting so tired of
Running on empty
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