We finally got our house
And our first double bed
But the closer we got
The thinner the love spred
Like in the mornings how you used to moan how I buttered my bread
Both laying at oppersite end's
Clinging onto memories of single beds

Trying to find the right passage in every verse that leads to the better ending
The one where all the characters survive with peace of mind, no consultation
I can't keep consantration
I need to keep this pace
No hesitation
Keep turning the page no matter what bookmarks get in the way
I'm a none believer in the yelnats curse
I need to keep this pace
Every unpronounceable word like a three legged race
My body is screaming determination while my mind is saying just give up
Sometimes the screams black out the counterparts but sometimes it's just not enough
I'll make it through these mind fields
Take a chance on these steady hands
Keep turning the page no matter what book marks get in the way
I find no refuge in the blurb on the back
I feel the nostalgia of being at school and not haveing the best grasp on life to tell the truth
I know it sounds strange but I'm getting the hang of turning the page

I've got a house  
Full of broken parts
And the lights don't work
So we'll sit in the dark
Build a tower to find a signal
for this old TV
But believe me
this is the happiest I've ever been
Cuddle up on the sofa
That's older
Than the years I've had
I'll open the door to the delivery man
Feel the cold winter air through my spooky pajama pants
I'll bring the covers down
Feel your cold hands upon my knee
But believe me
this is the warmest I've ever been

I'm starting to fall in love with myself
More and more
With each passing day
The flaws I once saw as enimies
Have now become my friends
I've found strength
Under skin once damaged by doubt
I've always been on top
I never really came back down
Don't worry darling
I can see the ever gaping holes
I pray for you, I beg
I hope you see the effort I've made
To patch them up and grow
We've got little to no time
So I'll live for now
And forget tomorrow exists
You can have these words
Steal them if you must

A man walks into a hospital....
They watch him die
Because he can't pay the price

What if I'm no better than what you've already tasted
Another sample of rotten fruit
Skin fresh and ripe
With a sour taste on the inside

Everytime I picked up a pen I felt progress
And everytime it touched paper the weight of my world had been lifted
Always drawn back to the top of my snare drum
Where I wrote most of my art
Resting on a A4 note pad, trying to figure out the best way to express both my head and my heart
They've always been so far apart
Tuned to different frequencies
But I'll try my best to broadcast both parts

I haven't lived since you've been gone
I've been living like a ghost for far too long
This haunting is all wrong
When it's happening in reverse
My head's cursed
I've been loosing sleep from the sound of creaking floors
Right outside my bedroom door
And photos falling once hung from walls
Now I spend my days staring up at empty ceilings
Where My only friend is the streak of paint where the lights used be
Before we revamped the place we believed we'd never leave
I'm used to loosing light and the sight needed to grow
But what I know
I've never been scared of the dark

I could turn my skin platinum
But never meet your standards
Because blonde haired girls
Don't like ***** skinned boys

Riding around on a rusty child sized bike far too small for my frame
Recapturing youth in a well kept playing abandoned in the middle of the day
Spinning you around on a roundabout too heavy for my weight
Wishing I could hold you on my shoulders at a gig some day
But I'm far too weak for that
We only made it half way to the castle that night
Traded bricks and ruines for climbing frames
I remember your chocolate melting in my pocket
Like my heart was for you
How can this make you happy?

I'm finding hope
In the weirdest of places
Check the cracks in the foundation's
Before you cover them up
Because I'm sure there's something you can take away from every storm
Every fall gives you the chance to stand up tall
Regroup your thoughts
And keep a positive mind set in that head of yours
I've had the strive to survive
In a toxic environment for far too long
Now the saplings have grown
Mighty and strong
Cleansing the air inherited by my lungs

I spoke until my throat was sore
Because the list of things I adored about you contained far too many Rs and Ls
My lisp stopped the smooth delivery I'd pictured in my head
Now choking in fear
The stumble shook my confidence  
Like a school boy giving a presentation in front of class
I waited patiently to be graded
Hoping your response was the one I wanted
I didn't want to get into a prestigious school
I just wanted to be with some one has prestigious as you

Everytime I spoke I tried not to choke
Because I dug deep
Opening up old wounds
Using jokes as comfort to soften the blow
But nothing hit harder
Than when your lip trembled
Because I have  thoughts of ending my life sometimes

Our purpose is to leave a mark
Like when my thoughts rush to my finger tips to write them down in ink

Do my ramblings in the form of poems sound like a mad man with fantasy's of love?
I've been saying your name in my sleep
I've been told by People I won't remember next week
I didn't even catch there name

I've become a coroner and my bed's become a casket
I've got myself nailed in for a long stay inside my head
I've realised I'm the only one mourning
And for flowers to bloom upon my grave
I need to cremate this self pitty

I've been chasing summer
Ever since you came into my life
Because something bloomed in those record breaking hot nights
All those lollies consumed in a  
Sweltering room
But you could never cool down  
Because I'd never let go of your hand
You'll miss it soon
When the winter comes

It's painful to read lines
That once meant so much
But now mean nothing at all

Of all the words I struggle to say
There was only three
Where I went all in
And risked it all
They found refuge
In my cheek
So I stumble when I speak
But they couldn't resist
When you moved In for a kiss
The words got cancelled out
When they eventually fell from my mouth
By the redness in my cheeks
And my heartbeat
My chest became a pillow once again  

I hope you find comfort in my jumpers
When I can't be there.

The only clear reward for the starvation I had gifted
Was a body I'd grow to hate
Somehow more than I did before
There's more obstacles returning to your former self
Than there ever was leaving

The stones in my shoes remind me of you
A reflection of my regrets and failures
We'd talk endlessly
About nothing really
Just the perfect fairy tale we built in our own heads
I fell for your spell your deceptive nature worked so well
Like a lamb to the slaughter
You lead my like the piper hypnotized by words and lies
You built me up to bring me down from the safety of your screen
You became my world my everything my refuge from reality
A faceless voice behind a screen
A touch without feeling
You fed my dreams and desires until I couldn't eat no more
I let down my defence's
You seiged my castle walls
While I was battling a dragon in my own halls
But how was I to know you where only there to let the dragon in
You're the witch not the heroine
You made me believe I was weak and needed saving
You're the nightmare in my fairy tale
You're the wolf in my bed but this time I'll take off your head

I worry when I'm drowning
In sentences
Trying to force them into lines
Where they don't fit
Always kicking in panic
Casting them aside  
But always Hoping for a safe return  
So I can throw them together
And create something

You're the summers heat
Beaming down on me
The sound of autumn's leafs
Crunching under feet
you're spring the death of winters cold touch
You're the harvest coming in to add nutrition to my growth
You're as sharp as the winter breeze
And I'll do what I can to be in season
If it doesn't go to plan
And the weather changes
We'll be hand in hand
Because is it love
If it's not unpredictable like the English weather

Art work once hung from walls
Gets trampled into the floor
Has you zone into the smaller details
And zone out from the bigger picture
Neglect and forget all the things you love about yourself

It's hard to sell myself
When I can't even sell myself to me
Made in god's image
Bet he didn't get very far in art
I'm a mirror but frankly I can't stand the sight
Not broken by bad luck
Just bent by knuckles coated in glass
Guess I need to practice what I preach
I'll wait at the steeple
Till I find a justifiable reason for this internal beating
I can't smell the roses anymore
My thorns are deep under my skin
And the tainted glassers only focus on negatives
Can I ever win?
Imagine a movie where the good  and bad guy are one and the same
Going round and round forever in vain
Self harm doesn't always reach the surface
I wish hope was as easy as some songs make out
Stop wishing, waiting
On a shooting star
Stop wishing, waiting
On a man in the stars
Did those birthday candles get you far?

If all the emotions and feelings I create
Can be represented by colours
When all the paint
Runs away from this A4 slate
I should be left with Gold
Because my mind has been set
And I don't plan to settle for anything less

On one hand
It's one of those days
I fail to string a sentence together
But on the other
I'll form a line
And hang this old birthday banner
And celebrate
The day my head is silent

I've been selfishly wanting you to call
Haunted by the phantom of my phone tone in the halls everytime I have a shower
But Rushing out to no missed calls

If you ever have the audacity to feel worthless
I know things didn't quite work for us
But remember the purpose that I wrote this
To remind you that you're beautiful
And I know there's not much to my life right now
Other than living in clouds and looking down
Trying to bargain your value while I don't even know my own
Why should you take the time to read a single line?
A poem I wrote in just fragments of my spare time
Because every second is priceless
But it'll always be worthwhile to try make you smile
And Every second I took to write this I was thinking of you

I do sincerely believe the words I write in the moment's I write them
But sometimes the weight capsizes the boat sending me off course
To a destination unplanned
But the original idea isn't lost
If you push through the woods
Cut through vines and shrubbery to the better ending
Or leave a trail behind to help the next adventures find there path.

Spending time harvesting forbidden fruits with you
Was never a waste of my youth
Days shaped into the form of each other
Most winter nights
We didn't open our eyes
Till the sun rested it's head again
Waking only in darkness
But your morning face Shone so brightly
Like a gap in the curtains the sun broke through
Affecting my sight
But opening my eyes
Wider than they've ever been before
So I could see
The simplicity I needed in my life
Spending nights waking up complaining
About aches and back pains
Just to spend another night
Doing the exact same
Cramped up in a single sized bunk bed
Living the dream
I once created in my sleep
Before I woke up to you

The place I go when I'm sleeping
Is right back to the hotel room
Where this all started
Because
You were once a dream
That occupied my consious state
I didn't sleep a wink the first time we shared a bed  
And now you're only here when I sleep
I wake violently to empty sheets
And I always wonder if you ever think of me
I slept an entire twelve hours today and I still ail the kinda tired sleep can't cure

If I just lay in the snow
Will it take long to die?
That's what I hoped when I thought about it one time

I take a bath
You guard the door
To make sure I don't do anything to escape from this life
My mind drifts across the surface
Submerged with ideas
I forget what made me want to leave
The only thing that remains is a new chapter written on a half soaked page

Chasing ghosts through a fountain
Hoping when my eyes clear from this momentary blindness
You'll be right behind me
Holding me up when I feel haunted in the middle of the day

The space imbetween when we're cuddling tightly
Is far too much
How do you think the distance effects us?

Holding time so tightly
With you in one hand
Hoping that it might stop
Giving me the chance
To align the words I struggle to find
Time after time trying to make the perfect line
Something so much sweeter than I love you
If we don't sleep tonight maybe tomorrow won't happen
And the train's won't take you  away

I feel like I have to remind myself daily
Not to **** myself
Write down a list of reasons to stay
But I worry one day the weight is going to become too strong
Weighting down my fragile frame
Anchoring me towards one decision
Most days I feel it's getting better
But others become just too much
I spend my school days playing console games
Keeping my mind the best I could at bay
But now my love is poetry and all I do is pull emotions and thoughts from myself
Strung together in lines instead of choking on words I left at the back on my mind
I know I want to be here
Because I've got so much love
Even though my mind clouds my judgment
From time to time.

You're always growing and getting strong
But you need to let it out if something's going wrong
Don't be rooted down by problems

The ocean becomes my temperament vicious and uncalculated
Breaching boundaries and flooding streets with emotions  
Tidal wave's pull me under
But I still feel your light no matter how deep I delve
You became a new sun when my head convinced me my world had ended
And after all this time I've realized saving my self Is more important than saving grace so strike me down if I'm the devil in myself
Causing plague and disease in my own head .

sat with hands clenched
Praying ghost will haunt these halls
Hoping that my door will creak open or maybe you'll even call and my chest will once again  become a pillow for your head
Did you find the  words at the bottom of a bottle
Or from the pile you left on the floor
Let's play a game of Scrabble so you can try string together a word that means anything at all
I'm not one for childish games
But I've grown up with people drinking far too much
Liquid courage always helped
Ignite the words they'd never of said
Take a shot or maybe even two
A small reminder of all the bullets I took for you
I left you a note on the table on the back of a wine bottle label
Which tells you why I'm unable to be here when you wake

Looking through my window
Waiting for a change in weather
The chipped paint reminds me of worse days
And a disconnection from the things I used to know
Like a fly on the window
Curious
With freedom in plain sight
Shorts and long Sock season
The sun's rays beaming
Blasting Skrwd as our mutual summer time theme tune
Such irony
Because now the weather's changed I won't settle for room temperature again
I feel a growth in my bones
I'm not waiting
I'm not waiting anymore
I'm just taking
Taking whatevers thrown
The cold doesn't effect me like it used too
My teeth don't chatter from fear of being alone
If summers the place to be
Let's make it a permanent state of mind I'll try find warmth in the greyest of skies.

I want to sink into you
Drown in temptation
But I'm scared to submerge my head
I don't want to be blinded
And loose my senses again
I love you
Sounds so sweet underwater
Even if it's muffled and broken
But I've got faith
To not let one mistake
Discourage me from another
let the water clean the slate
And when I re-emerge
Your words just sound the same
We'll bask in the sunshines glow

Death is needed so we can have life
Fear is needed so we can overcome and strive
There's no going under
These no going around
No corners to cut can be found
Take it in your stride
Go right down the middle
Don't hide or shy away
From the risks you after take
Smash through the cracks in the divide
And master the power you have inside to take control of your own life
You was born to do this

Let me hold you by the throat and take your breath away
Watch you choke out the words I love you
But it always sounds the same

My cupboards full of treats
I wish I could just eat
Instead of planing my life around
Stock piled up like the world is ending
But I'm scared of venturing out of my comfort zone
Leaving the bunker my mind's created
Incase I gain too much weight or loose my ****** shape
Ruled by a number on a packet
Pushed down my a disorder in my head.

I've been writing up verses
And trying to converse with the devil in my head
Because even the simplest words don't look right when you're around

I'll remind you everything is temporary this time next year
When your mother doesn't wake no more
And your youthful looks have gone

Your mourning was so loud
It woke death himself
Bargaining yourself ten minutes of life to say your final goodbyes
With tears in your eyes
You said I loved you so much
Crossing out the fights from the nights you wasted time
I wish I'd have told you when you was alive
It's sad I only got to tell you from the other side.

Find somebody with the same gravitational pull
Because you're my world
And I want to get lost revolving around you