Javier Wellborn

Sep 2017

Allyssa

Hello, mother,
It's me again.
Remember the monsters you used to check for underneath my bed?
It turns out they are all inside my head.
Mother,
I know you couldn't see them at first,
I couldn't either,
But I heard them whisper,
I heard them chatter,
They listened to me weep.
I don't think you understand,
No, mother,
I know I'm not a child anymore,
But the underside of my bed is all cleaned out,
Yet they still remain.
Empty pockets,
Unopened boxes,
Light switches turned off.
Mother,
Help,
They're intensifying,
They're horrifying,
And they're-
Oh.
You have to go?
With the lights turned low,
You shut your door,
I'm all alone.
What about the monsters, mother?
I know you can't see them,
I know,
But I hear them,
I listen to them,
I no longer weep.
You said they weren't there,
I believed you.
You said it was the nights anticipation,
But it was my damnation.
Mother,
You're still not listening to me.
Yes,
They're inside my head,
I have this sudden feeling of dread,
I have to get this feeling off my chest,
Mother.
Lay me to rest.
That is my last request.

From the daughter you never seem to listen to.

#monsters #alone #mother #angst #night #anxiety #invisible #kid #bed #scared

Aug 2017

Allyssa

Don't

Don't fall in love with a writer.
A writer will take you to worlds unknown and you will get lost.
Don't fall in love with a poet.
A poet will construct stanzas of love and heartbreak,
Leaving you desperate for words unfathomable.
Don't fall in love with an artist.
An artist will paint you into their realm of never ending paintbrush strokes where love is just another color on a canvas,
Just like sadness.
Don't fall in love with her,
She is a mindless soul wandering the halls of heartache.
Don't look at her,
Her eyes will pull you deeper into the gold flakes that encircle her pupils like stars surrounding a black hole.
Don't fall in love with her touch,
Fragile fingers tracing patterns over your skin like a delicate knife cutting you open to create flesh wounds never to heal.
Don't fall in love with her body,
Captivating you with her honey drizzled hips,
Nectar inducing lips,
Taunting you as she strips.
Your skin is like fire,
Burning flames dancing and mingling with just a fleeting touch of her beauty.
Don't fall in love with her,
But,
You already have.

Charming snakes and taming the ******.

#wild #woman #love #painting #writing #poet #poetry #delicacy #flesh #madness

Jul 2017

Allyssa

Closure

I want to give you the sorry you never gave me,
I want to forgive you for your mistakes when you never owned up to them,
I want to give back all of the memories we had together because they do not hurt anymore.
This is my goodbye to you,
My closure,
My end to this chapter.
I no longer think of you,
The nights welcome me with open arms again,
My bed is a place where comfort now grows.
You do not hurt me anymore,
I do not hide from heartache,
I do not resent you.
I could say thanks,
I could be the bigger person,
It was the pain, though,
It made me inhuman.
I left our broken happiness in a box where I hope you'll find it,
I thought I needed an, "I'm sorry."
You did not make me a better person,
I went through a change,
An altercation.
I will say it anyways,
Thanks,
Not for the drastic changes,
A thanks to myself for finally being able to breathe again.

Thank you to myself.

#thanks #ex #change #altercation #pain #human #emotion #sorry #hurt #goodbye

Jul 2017

Allyssa

Untitled.

Theres a saying that goes, "once you've made your bed, lay in it."
I supposed I've made my bed,
My choices were the mattress,
My dark desires were the sheets,
My secrets were the pillows I slept on,
My thoughts covered me like my blanket.
Frankly my bed was better left alone,
It was better before you climbed in,
The sheets ruffled,
The blanket pulled back,
The mattress bowing in beside me.
I could hear the crumple of the pillow as you rest your head upon my secrets and covered yourself in my thoughts.
You took my dark desires and made yourself apart of them.
I allowed you to come into my bed
And
I guess that's why my mattress
Is so heavy.
You were the riskiest choice I had made and you piled on,
Sank into a dark desire,
Became hidden away in the pillow you occupied,
Covering me like the
Warmth
You once provided.
You became the bed I slept in,
Rolled upon,
Never let me leave.
Why I had spent so long amongst the bed you helped make always made me wonder why.
Your scent was a permanent fixture,
An added amusement to my suffering.

Thank you for the company that's burned into me.

#bed #sheets #company #sinking #drifting #alone

Jul 2017

Allyssa

Loyalty

It is the pain in my heart that has saddled onto my chest like a stallion ready to ride into battle.
Except this horse is no more and the reins are rotten and the animal itself is in pain.
It's crying.
What do you do to a beautiful animal when it's in pain?
You put it out of its misery.
Is that what I am to be?
An animal, worked so hard and rugged that the pain is so much that I cannot ride into the war of life that is yet waiting for me to vanquish,
Am I not ready for the medal I am to win for the life I have conquered and it's enemies I had slain?
Am I not ready for the news that my soldiers in battle have lost their way beside me onto a path of their own so that their bravery was no more than the shield I have given them to hide behind?
My stallion, my heart, my pain, my chest, it is rotten.
For the years I have come head first into battle, it does not matter anymore.
For the pain that resides in my chest,
My beautiful stallion, you're done.
Thank you for being the courage I needed, the strength you had offered me,
The love I needed,
And the friend I relied upon when I had none.
My soldiers,
My fleet,
My friends.
They have perished
And so has their captain.

I'm on the verge of losing this battle.

#horse #saddle #soldiers #friends #loyalty #loyal #medal #pain #heart #war

Jul 2017

Allyssa

Highway Lights

I wonder if truck drivers ever get tired of the open road,
Where cars speed past in angst of their destination,
Red and white lights filling the darkness.
Endless dedication to wearing down the pavement that sticks to the Earth like a bandaid.
I wonder if Earth gets tired of us littering,
Destroying,
Peppering it's surface with blemishes to be reconciled with.
I wonder when humanity is to be torn down,
Another plague roaming the planet ready to be wiped out soon enough.
We don't compare to the locusts,
The frogs,
The volcano ready to wipe us out.
40,000 years overdue,
The ash ready to cover the sky and pollute our lungs until we suffocate.
I wonder what will happen to the highway then,
Maybe reclaimed by the grass that once existed here.
I hope the car lights stop shining,
I hope the truck drivers reach their destination to finally rest from the constant stop-and-go.

Just highway thoughts.

#highway #thoughts #lights #nature #volcanoes #stars #earth #cars #red #white