I am tired of
the constant cycle of
aching and faking,
hurting and feeling,
breaking and healing,
fixing and mending,
It's like a never ending cycle,
and I am just tired.

I can't close my eyes,
I can't close my mind
as my thoughts keep me awake all night.

I toss and I turn,
trying to find comfort in my bed.

It's past midnight
and my thoughts have been rung
with gasoline
and been set on fire.
It consumes the small pieces of
happiness that I picked up during the day.

I gaze and think,
as there is no save tonight.

So I lay with a heavy mind
and empty heart
waiting for my eyes to slip to sleep.

A smile masked on her face
concealing the grief that poured
out of her face.

You shone out of nowhere,
in the everlasting depths of darkness,
reaching out,
and stealthily pulling me to the light.

My emotions began changing
ever so swiftly
with the every pump of the heart.

My eyes blinding with such brightness and joy
For I wonder was it because of you
or the world now I saw?

But, then you left
for there were many who walked in this world,
Even when alone,
I thanked you for showing me another world,
Feel the depths of happiness
and the light which lit my skin.
But solitude in the world of
happiness was not my place.

Then came my old friend,
darkness that lured me back in
'Welcome back'
for it wrapped me in its comfort
And said 'here you are to stay'

Escape ,
that's what I would do
when things would get tough.
I would binge,
dream, eat, read & scroll.

I would create another world
where I would live,
free to be.
The place I would
forget about my happenings,
but this was not reality.

I would procrastinate and escape,
but my reality would await
to cuff me away.

With every escape,
my reality would become
a struggle to face

To everyone I was living life
but was I?
For my body was anchored to this world
While my head flew to another

Then came a time
When I no longer wanted to hide
Even though I knew
I did not have the appetite
Because my reality had
become so hard to emotionally swallow
But there was no choice
but to face

Courage
Step by Step
Patience through it all
Change finally came across
And my reality had become a better place

My soul screams to speak,
but my lips remain sealed,
as no word slips.
It is just dead silence.
My head tenses,
as I am unable to utter words.

I find my tears
weighing all the emotions
as they trickle down my cheek silently.

Exteriorly, it is silent
even though there is chaos screaming within.

We were similar,
we still are.
We used to understand,
and support one another.
Stripping vulnerability,
over vulnerability.
Our friendship was deep,
our trust rung strong.

But then you grew thorns,
that would *****
when I would come near.

I just wished we helped
one another bloom rather
than let our insecurities
strive us to compete
as to who will bloom
better and faster.