I cleansed the knife
you stabbed in my back
and cauterized
my bleeding wounds
with it.

Im not sober tonight
laying alone in my bed.
Because I’m drunk
on the memories
of what we were
and overdosing
on the thoughts
of what we will never be.

My mirror reflects someone
I don’t recognize
but I love her
and I respect her
more and more
everyday.

Uncensored thoughts
Bleed from my pen
as your name marks the paper
yet again.

I give you permission
to eavesdrop on my mind.
Because my words are stuck
in prison feeling confined.
I want to spill it all out
but that’s not how my brain is designed.
So please
eavesdrop on my mind
And help me decipher
the secrets being intertwined.

I may never find the words
strong enough to explain
how you have made me feel
by pushing me away
and leaving me to drown
in this pool of loneliness and pain.

....I love you too, Mom....

You had me falling to my knees
and crying out such self deprecating things
but now I am standing so very tall
saying thank you for making me fall.
Because without your constant brutality
I would have experience life’s inevitable fatality
without learning that you can shrink to despair
still raising your mental health to the level of a millionaire.
Thank you for making me rich.