When pens run out of ink
We throw them away
When pencils break
We sharpen them

I want to speak
I want to say hello
I want to say I love you and I always have
I want to tell you I keep going in hopes that one day
I might really know you
I want to tell you how even though you are human,
Somehow, you are perfection
I want to say I'll be there for you when no one else is
I'd love to tell you death is a small price to pay
To see you smile

But instead I tell you nothing at all
Because my voice,
My voice is a toxin
That freezes hearts
And when I speak
The toxin pierces my lips
And I am helpless to stop it

It wouldn't matter what I'd say
My voice would stab you as if it were a knife
And it would leave permanent scars

My voice would stain you with
All of the horrors that are me

So I'll keep those words to myself
And pray that you'll find someone
That can make you
Smile

I've heard that you really don't know what you have until it's gone
Sadly now, I know it's true

It was not death itself that made me realize this
But the reaction of the one's it affected
The one man that would call me a friend
Broken
In tears
With his heart in pieces

And I couldn't do anything to help
I stood there as he sobbed
I watched his heart tear in pieces
He was helpless

I can't mend broken hearts
I don't have the right words

I've hadn't ever seen broken
Until I saw those tears
Rushing down his face

Then, I realized
I cannot mend a broken heart
I can't stop the tears from falling
I can't say the right words

I just have to watch
As the ones I tell myself I care about
Are ripped to shreds
By the death of a great man

So all I can do is
Hope and Pray
That one day
He'll be close to the same

"It'll be alright"

I hate those words
In the times we say them
They are complete lies

You failed a test
"It'll be alright"
You broke your arm
"Don't worry, it'll be alright"
You're dog died
"It's okay, it'll be alright"
You're on your death bed
"It will all be alright"
The person you looked up to
The one that you wanted to proud of you
He died
Your mother
The one that was always there for you
Even when you didn't want her to be there
She died

"It'll be alright"

No, it is absolutely not alright
How could it be?
It can't be alright
These things, these people
They can't come back
No one can bring the dead to life

But what words should be said
Should we tell them the truth
Life won't be the same
They aren't ever coming back

No
So we all just lie
Because
"It'll be alright"

Remember
When we were kids
And a planetarium
Was a most wonderful place
Everyone simply obsessed
With outer space.
It was strange
And new
And beautiful
It was full of wonder
As was everything
A galaxy of stars
And empty space
We were flying through it all
To a new planet
For us to discover
Floating towards the future
It was like a dream
But as we grow up
We realize
Falling stars are chunks of ice and rock
Not wishes
And stars and the sun
Are ***** of flaming gas
The wonder fades
And you realize
Outer space
Would truly be a lonely place
Alone out there
But I guess it would still better
Than here
And you yearn
For that wonder to come back
But even if it would
Someone would take it away
They always do.
Growing up is sudden
And shocking
And changes you
Forever
And you wish you could go back
To planetariums
And outer space
But you can't.
We are all stars
***** of fire
That will eventually die out.
But some of us are falling
And hoping someone will catch us.

Hey you love me right?
Let me send you something
Let me intrude into your thoughts
When I am not there
See my naked body flash before you on that tiny screen
Did you get it?
Let me send another and another and another
Until all you can do is bleed from your cheeks
Until that pit in your stomach begins to tighten
Until you want that sweet, sweet sorrow filled ecstasy only I can provide
Now I can stand before you
The nudes I sent were sanded down
I was the epitome of what a **** really is
Not one stray hair visible
Not one, single intrusion
But here I am
Rough bumps, bones sticking out, intrusive hairs
But when I am not a **** I am your girl
So sail across the sea that dips down in the hollow of my back
Hike your way up mountains made of thighs
Let me show you something
Put your fingers in
Everything feels so soft and warm right?
Now take them away from me
Lick the lust from between your fingers
Does it taste like vanilla and caramel?
Make me yours
But you can’t
Or is it that you won’t?
You may even refuse to
So a **** can cause chaos on a sun filled day?
But honey I am a thunderstorm
I sanded myself down
I became a **** all for you
So what happens when my own fingers trace my hip bones?
When I climb the mountains?
Can you be jealous of something you never even had?
‘*** now please’ flashed at you
My teeth seem to rip into my own lust
Yet all you want are my nudes
You don’t want me fully and entirely
Is It alright for me to sink my own teeth in?
Until nudes and lust come flowing out
Oh but wait, they will wrap around you completely
Because my nudes and lust will always come back to you
So you love me right?
Let me send you something
Another **** appears
And another
And another
And another

This is not a beautiful story.
This is about you and me.
This is about two common thieves who could never see the forest for the trees,
and every word we breathed to one another in the spaces in between,
choosing to believe that we were anything but sinking vessels,
rending holes in the other’s heart-
this is about you and me in the dark,
sinking to the bottom of the sea.

See, this is not a beautiful story.

But the narrative you crafted was of two lovers in a romance, and you said that it was best that we keep it in the darkness, under the ironic promise that it was in the name of honesty to be fostered between us-
I suppose I wanted to believe it.

I was yours, and you were my secret.

But no heart ever knew a secret that didn’t grieve it, and it grieves me to think of unveiling my beauty meant for another man beneath the wandering of your hands,
and you said you didn’t understand why there were tears in my eyes.

Well neither did I,
but it still keeps me awake at night.

And I didn’t know it, but every time we parted you went home to finish what we started

alone in the dark with your computer screen.

This is not a beautiful story.

You used to say that we were more than the chemicals responding in our bodies,
like what we had was more than lonesome, broken misery masquerading as intimacy,

but it wasn’t.

You just needed a warm body
and I needed to be enough for somebody
we could never alleviate the pain we were trying to escape,
and If I could see you today, I would tell you that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new