Ideas that fall from deep within,

Appear upon the page,

The need to write, to speak to feel,

From happiness to rage.

A clouded mind fogged by wine,

Thoughts slower than before,

I know that I have had my fill,

Yet reach for just one more

Lackadaisically lazy,

Freethinking state-of-mind,

Purposively pensive,

Generously kind.



Occasionally cautious,

Heavy set, a belting beard,

Despicably dizzy,

And wonderfully weird.

What's hidden far beneath us,

What lies there underground,

Appears at night so silently,

A silent death we've found

Do we dread death

fear dying,

Or is it something more,

Could it be life

actual living,

That scares us, I'm unsure

On Sunday I find myself cursed,

By the drink I had last night,

My head it pains, like frozen rain,

My eyes adverse to to light.

One moment, a chance,

Don't blink,

Romance

A time for much reflection,
To look back with pronounced fear,
On all the things that we regret,
Oh great, it's a New Year.

My best friend is called whiskey,

I think he's really neat,

When I'm out with whiskey,

My whole life seems complete.

I cannot change the words I've said,

The acts or reacts too,

But simply put, my mouth my foot,

At all times I love you.

I caught a cold in winter cold,

Who knows my nose was red,

When suddenly I saw a saw,

A deed indeed was bled.

Too much noise,

Deafening

Sound,

Fills my head,

Whilst

Wandering round,

At times I fear,

My head

May pop,

Please make the noise,

Lessen

Then stop

Little woolly monsters,

Dark as vampire bats,

Frightening the children,

Who else, but knitted cats

Once more I find myself alone,

Sat, over-thinking all,

For once will my poor mind just rest,

And not for thoughts will trawl,

I see,

I saw,

I've seen

Before.

I am,

I can,

I'm just,

A man.

I fear,

A foe,

I'll never

Tripping over nothing,

Slipping far too much,

I'm cursed with being clumsy

breaking everything I touch.

Leech drawn,

Blood drunk,

My life,

Old junk.

Off out to the garden,

Let's hope it doesn't rain,

Whilst I know that I am waterproof,

Getting wet is such a pain.

I promised myself I wouldn't worry

but I did,

And still do,

That I wouldn't quit

right before giving up

putting down

siting still,

To try harder

not cheat

or lie,



My promises are just words

empty gestures to self improvement,

I promise to do better

I promise to be on time

next time

honestly.

One more drink before I go,

Then I'll stagger nice and slow,

And maybe fall or maybe not,

Boy I think I've drunk a lot.

Do you not see,

The pain inside,

Broken wide,

The tears I've cried,



Do you not see,

The things I see,

A heart not free,

Why I can't be,



Do you not see,

The end is nigh,

I'll say goodbye,

And gladly die.

When I was quite little,

I wanted to be old,

I realised as time passed by,

I was wrong, if truth  be told.

Taking off my clawing coat,

Letting my belt come free,

My clothes no longer seem to hide,

My pronounced belly.

We celebrate the winter sun,

The darkness' died and light has won.

An early Easter Sunday,

I'm looking out for eggs,

I'm running round the garden on,

My tired little legs.

First

mere faint lines,

Adding pressure

gradually,

Over time,

Causing skin

to redden

scratch,

Then

cut

bleed,

heal

scar.....

New year,

New day,

Can't cope,

Same way,

The mind,

Too strange,

Need help,

Need change

Iced blood, like syrup seeps out,

From self cut arms and veins,

I never thought I'd make it,

Perhaps my life, my pain

To kiss the early morning sun,

The promise of a day so fun,

One that has only begun,

To share with you, the day, as one

I shall never seek perfection,

It's not something I'll attain,

For even though, As we all know,

Imperfection is a strain.

Who is it that's watching you,

Your phone, your files, and more,

What will they see when they look close,

Yes, every crack, and flaw.

The release,

Adrenaline,

Addictive,

Fuelled,

Fired,

Final.....

Life, when living in a bottle,

At times can seem quite strange,

I awake, a drink I take,

Yet always hope for change.

I fear the end,

When should it be,

Control of,

My own destiny.



I fear the end,

It's mine to choose,

To battle on,

Or simply lose

A momentary lapse of thought,

Missed opportunity,

I miss a still and peaceful mind,

The chance to simply be happy.

I have a busy schedule,

Yet what I never see,

Is a time for mere reflection,

A time to be just me.

It's difficult to speak out loud,

Though I do know what to say,

Perhaps my voice will ring again,

And the fear will fall away

A chequered past,

Secrets and lies,

Lack alacrity,

No real surprise

Destiny dictated,

Fortunes 'ready told,

In the hands of others,

Souls so often sold.

Cold,

Stone,

I lie,

For now upon,

The stone,

Soon,

To be,

Beneath

Strange how good news sometimes

can still cut you at the knee,

When even things you want to hear

cause some difficulty

And as I came to realize,

What I knew, a strange surprise,

The truth was just before my eyes,

Not all live, but always dies.

Not noticed on inspection,

Nor found on careful looks,

No telltale signs apparent,

Nothing read in books,

No plaster can repair it,

The scars and soul are torn,

The problem of my broken mind,

Endured since I was born.

A call to sleep,

But even though,

My eyes are shut,

To sleep, but no.

How can me not knowing,

Be worse than being told,

Fearing the worse, it is a curse,

That'll plague me 'til I'm old.

I catch a mere reflection,

Of myself, in window pane,

Should I look upon such sorry sight,

I may never look again.

Trees shed,

Leaves fall,

World hears,

Nature's call.

Day follows night,

Follows fear,

Follows fright,

Follows you,

Follows right,

Fear the day,

Dread the night.