I promised myself I wouldn't worry

but I did,

And still do,

That I wouldn't quit

right before giving up

putting down

siting still,

To try harder

not cheat

or lie,



My promises are just words

empty gestures to self improvement,

I promise to do better

I promise to be on time

next time

honestly.

Olly was an octopus,

He had 8 legs and arms,

He gave good hugs,

And shoulder shrugs,

But juggling was his charm.

Not noticed on inspection,

Nor found on careful looks,

No telltale signs apparent,

Nothing read in books,

No plaster can repair it,

The scars and soul are torn,

The problem of my broken mind,

Endured since I was born.

How can me not knowing,

Be worse than being told,

Fearing the worse, it is a curse,

That'll plague me 'til I'm old.

I watch as water drains from the vase,

Drawn up from vase to flower,

I'd be drunk if I drank like that,

And well within the hour.

And as I came to realize,

What I knew, a strange surprise,

The truth was just before my eyes,

Not all live, but always dies.

Off out to the garden,

Let's hope it doesn't rain,

Whilst I know that I am waterproof,

Getting wet is such a pain.

Crisp and crunchy Thursday morning,

The grass it seems to gleam,

The birdie bath is frozen deep,

The fence, well I see steam.

A moment of pure weakness,

I succumb, temptation's trap,

I wished that I could care less,

But now I'm in a flap

Strange how good news sometimes

can still cut you at the knee,

When even things you want to hear

cause some difficulty

I fear the end,

When should it be,

Control of,

My own destiny.



I fear the end,

It's mine to choose,

To battle on,

Or simply lose

My friend she is in hospital,

She's feeling not too great,

They say her heart is beating,

At a most peculiar rate,



So they've given her some medicine,

And told that she must rest,

They will have to keep her wired up,

I suppose that they know best.



I wonder what the cause is,

To make her so unwell,

It's a good job I'm no doctor,

As I don't think I could tell.



Perhaps she is too stressed out,

Perhaps work is too hard,

Perhaps it is the whiskey,

And the late night poker card.



Perhaps it is the pizza,

Served hot with nice cold beer,

That is the reason she is there,

And sadly not  back here.



I hope that you feel better soon,

And are back to your mad best,

Chatting like a monkey on speed,

But for now, it's time to rest.

Day follows night,

Follows fear,

Follows fright,

Follows you,

Follows right,

Fear the day,

Dread the night.

A second lasts forever,

As a single memory,

The choice is yours to make, now,

What's it going to be.

Trees shed,

Leaves fall,

World hears,

Nature's call.

I think I'm a great dancer,

And love to hit the floor,

But reality is different,

I only dance when drinks you pour.

Sat alone

just wondering,

Is it me

why life's a funny thing,

On days my heart

may want to sing,

yet times when

death, I'd want to bring.

Destiny dictated,

Fortunes 'ready told,

In the hands of others,

Souls so often sold.

Twisted, tired

Body sore,

Approaching end,

Can take no more.

I cannot face tomorrow,

Nor can I live today,

Something has to change soon,

I can't go on this way.

The weekend clock is ticking down,

Soon all will be done,

We wish we'd tried much harder,

From when the weekend had begun.

One more drink before I go,

Then I'll stagger nice and slow,

And maybe fall or maybe not,

Boy I think I've drunk a lot.

My mind lies tattered on the floor,

Feeling lost, catching a chill,

A broken soul, a blackened heart,

For I'm mentally ill.

The bridge appears before me,

I stand not knowing where

It goes, or should I cross it,

I ask myself, then dare

April's fool we recognise,

The darkness, cold, behind the eyes,

So it should come as no surprise,

The fool is you, you realise

Cold hands,

Feet,

Heart,

Complete

My head is often hurting,

For I often over-think,

I wish that I could switch it off,

But that would cause a stink

Given opportunities,

I tend to miss my chance,

We'll never know what could have been,

Had I asked you to dance.

I look the same,

As you,

I look the same,

As yesterday,

I look the same,

As you envisioned,

I look the same,

As ever,

I look the same,

You stopped looking,

I look the same,

Wrong, look again.

Welcome disappointment,

It seems I got it wrong,

Perhaps my time is over,

And this, my final song

A tired smile,

A knowing stare,

The times he wished,

He wasn't there.

Unspoken,

How he wished,

He'd dare just say,

Chances missed,

And gone

Where do all the birdies go,

When it becomes night,

I'd like to think they're in their nests,

With their duvets, wrapped up tight.

Hello Spring,

It's been a while,

The blossom's here,

As is my smile

Broken skin,

Exposed vein,

One last time,

To ease the pain

Somewhere from a near past time,

I recall an easy smile,

It's harder though as days go by,

For it's been such a long while.

A silence that is deafening,

I question what I've done,

Which is strange as I am sat alone,

A company of one

I have no

Responsibilities,

Looking into my own eyes,

I see,

Hollows,

Unkept,

Unloved,

Disillusioned,

Soulless and cold,

Staring back,

I wonder what he thinks,

Looking at me,

Probably sees failure,

Well, at times I even fail,

Failure.

Another day,

All's (un)well.

The evening brings forth broken song,

I ask for whom they sing,

A tune that meanders along,

What pleasant joy it brings

Questioning my sanity,

Seeking help and friends,

Can I cure the pain and more,

Or is this my journey's end

I went to the seaside,

But the sea I did not see,

Such a shame the tide was out,

Leaving only sand for me.