Go to the shop to get away
from all the troubles in the
world.
Order my favorite flavor
and have all sweetness put
together in one small cup.
Feel the bite from my spoon
flow down inside me and
numb all my worry.
Ice cream is a wonderful
treat to have and to eat.
Strawberry pink, brown
chocolate, green mint chip,
and rainbow sprinkles.
Just a little color to
brighten the mood.

Awaiting for dreams to come true,
and fearing the thoughts of discovery.
So much never heard and not enough
tears to be seen.
“What is this”, is all I can say,
the fray has begun and it’s a war not
asked for but granted.
If one day I am gone still without playing
the song I wrote when I felt blessed and kept
the faith,
I will never hunt you down,
I need to protect you and myself from
potential agony.
There is some now, but lets not make it worse.
I know some of you are children by mind and
cannot bear to say what you need while reaching
your hand.
Some have never been encouraged follow their
dreams and were lead by the bullies who
tormented.
Some go home to hell and come here to
relapse.
When you reach your hand out, someone
will take it and guide you as a sibling and
friend.
Whatever your dream is, go follow it
and lead when you arrive to brighter
horizons.
Home is not always where the heart is
but come back like you are broken but
fine.
Somebody will be there to do so,
and it may be me,
if I stay,
I hope to.

Couldn't be around for all
that excitement.
1984
I was not here around.
For my time
has been wasted.
Mentally ill,
moods swinging every second.
If I were stable,
I would have no broken glass of beer bottles
on my floor.
My cigarettes would be unlit,
my bed would be made.
If I were still today a fallen angel.
Depressed,
and with broken wings while lacking a smile.
I can't guarantee I would be alive,
now I guarantee
If I were dead,
you will be able to move on
from the memory of me.
I promise.

Intelligence by comfort and limitations
Gradually putting down those who have interest in what they don’t share
Never going out of their way to learn something new
Obedient to their own views
Ridding of current and new information
Acting as if they are right when they are so wrong
Need to be better informed
Creating barriers and unnecessary boundaries
Educated minimally

If you’re never going to love me,
and when you do, you’re not going
to do it right,
I appreciate your absence.
My heart has grown fonder for a
proper gentleman, not a lazy sloth
who can’t go out of his way for a
beautiful woman.
You lied,
you hurt,
you messed up,
you never got worked up,
for me to be in your sad pathetic
life.
Since I am gone and I know
you are too,
I only want you to love
yourself.
It is the best thing you can do right
now for you and for everyone around you.
Start with yourself
so you never
hurt another
woman.

They see me alone all the time.
They wonder, they judge, and they criticize.
They worry, give in, and think they are the ones I am to rely.
But they must know
I am just fine.
Who do I bother? Why do they care?
I feel so
confident, independent, contempt and strong.
I go out into the world alone
I do nothing wrong.
To them, that is a DARE.
I'm alive, I'm here,
I have self-security, I have no fear.
Though a butterfly must travel alone
to find the right place
and to settle and roam.
Then they may not be friends,
but saying hi is always worth a try.
I have not died.
I live in a way that is a concern,
but when they see what I can do, they learn.
How independence is gifted
from the heart.
Avoidance is a move
that can be very smart.
They see I show up,
in shock,
let them be.
I'm alive is what they get
by the presence of me.
Everyday and the future
is not going anywhere.
Because now,
I'm alive.
I must  be productive and wise.
I'll do what I want,
and if I'm alone, I'll do it.
I'll go.
So I dare.

I persevere and push aside every stabbing
and chanting thought of seeing something I want
to keep die and be buried in the ground.
Us was one thing that died and the day you
said you couldn’t take it anymore,
my heart was cracking, but why
it didn’t break:
Optimism took over me and I
was right to give you the greif.
Happiness has overcome me and
so many fears that aired inside do not
exist so I am not polluted.
I don’t have to worry about you and
the sneaky and inconsiderate things
you did to me.
If you really loved me,
you would have bent over backwards
to see me.
You just kept me waiting and waiting,
and I let you go, but wanted to be sure
you were not going to come running
back to me.
Don’t.
I don’t want you as a lover anymore.
Friends, fine. I still like you for you,
and I do care for you.
Lovers, maybe not. This got too
complicated and demanding,
I was aggressive,
you were weak.
I’m happy and you better be too.
Now you are free to lay back and relax,
not talk to me, drop out of college,
quit your job, go to bed,
and don’t you dare pretend I am
next to you.
I’m not mad at you,
I am just not at all in desire to
love you like that again.
I let you go,
and I have more of a life itself
than an insular love life.
Hey, you gotta see it as more than
just two people.
Everyone should be
included
too.

Know yourself,
not just the bad,
know your limits,
forget the trauma
you once
had.
Feel your hands touch
your face,
be grateful for your
individual look.
Quit eyeing everyone
around you,
sit down with a
reading book.
Jealousy is a force,
nerves are
automatic.
Anger is unacceptable
and hostility is
dramatic.
Mean spirited behavior is
wrong,
so turn it into a play, book, movie,
or song,
and we can all join along,
and feel your pain.
Sometimes witnessing
is how you win
the game.

I am defeated by publicity, these pens run out of ink for a reason.
None of my thoughts deserve to be on paper, therefore the sheets are blank and the journals remain closed and put away so even I can't find them.
I wanted this for myself and nobody quite understands.
I have begged, I have pleaded, I have fallen to my knees to show how I feel for them.
They roll their eyes and walk away every time.
Remind me, that i am just here. A person. And I don't have to matter.

Do we think before we
make?
Are we aware of possible
consequences?
Do you know what you
look like when you
scream at her?
How do we find it cool?
Why is it effective?
I want to live in a world where
nobody gains from others
wrongdoings.
Put down the beer and pay
attention to
the road.
Don't drive yourself crazy by
trying too hard
to
look
cool.

Ten seconds was plenty of
time for me
to change my mind.
The people I love today
who never knew then
feel the relieving emotion
of how I chose
to stay.
I lost my love,
I got pushed and stripped
of my control.
I grew very strong
I wrote out my heart.
I may have sobbed,
I may have thrown,
I may have sacrificed nourishment
and looked away.
It was time to open new doors
and let some in.
Certain possibilities revoked,
amending for easier ways to remain.
The scissors are now in the trash.
Others found their deserved love.
Moved on from the
threatening gang.
When we all let go,
we know it was not meant to be.
Happy memories
are not to present
what is no longer deserved,
but to put us back in our
best moments.
These moments I remember,
looking into people's eyes.
They fill with tears
after knowing I could have been
gone.
There would be no community of
laughter and love.
Nobody would have ever met
if I hadn't stayed.
Somehow I was stopped,
doesn't matter who or how.
You all made me happy
I stayed.

Those who don’t learn
will never understand the difference
between given and
earn.
Those who come off as angry and
aggressive are found as
manipulative and
possessive.
Those who are rude and unkind
are pitied like those who are
deaf and blind.
Crimes are accused by those
who are threatened by others talents
so they claim their being not better as
‘abused’.
Those who were never told no
have nothing else to say except,
‘ok, let it go’.
People are going to do what
they are going to do.
People think they are better
then everyone else and
feel mortified when their facts
are false.
Those who raise their voices and scold
to grab attention were never taught
to take a deep breath, see the surroundings,
and prior to it see the correction.
Get out there,
accept the world for
what it has and what
it is going to be.
Think of all those people
who look down and think
horrible things of me.
They are right,
I’m just one of a kind.
They are smarter,
and my intelligence makes
their teeth grind
Ha ha,
you never thought I could.
I function fine though I have
a mind that says I would…
succeed…..
looks like its not me in for a
rude awakening.
Wake the **** up,
smell the ******* coffee,
drink it,
and go about your way.
It’s a new day.
I express a point of view,
and if you take it that way,
I aint holding back,
fine,
I'll call it a
*******
too.
*******.

It's just a moment
not meant to be, but in the end
we are glad it happened.
Just a moment,
to hear a persons point of view.
We will not always agree
but as we move forward
we then later see.
A moment is sacred
we're going to learn
when something affects you
then its your turn.

This one is for the girl who thinks  she's the boss.
For the condescending one recovering from a major loss.
To the boy who has future expectations higher than the testosterone out of control.
For the one in the group who says everyone is nothing but a toll.

I write this through disappointment based off of the sayings of "no".
We hold hands around ones we trust, and we are commanded to let our hands go.
We see eye to eye, the others are worth a furious cry.
Pray for all to change and become pale as we are around the same table at five pm.
Groaning and cringing at the thought we would be meeting here again.

It's hard to see others have a stronger connection through love and trust.
After the first date, we put time for you,
yet you continued to sulk and therefore you cussed.
Speaking competitively to him and good thing you men resolved all the stress.
Though the rudeness I continued to have dissolved in my heart that had a spot for our group,
turns out I was the one who was loved the less.

To the guy who rolled his eyes as my boyfriend and I held hands on a couch.
To the one who saw us kissing and looked like you were about to scream "ouch!"
To the girl who grew up just to feel alright again.
To the other girls who approved of us and are my best friends.

So forget you, I'm gone.
I learned that I was wrong
to try and belong,
I thought we'd get along.
I will never change to become one of you
the interests you obtain I don't wish to follow  through.
Not one congratulations on us being together.
That night I decided to leave you it wasn't now or never,
It is what I should have done long before I had.
We were just another dysfunctional group of people
who saw each other's success as something insufferable and a reason to be sad.
It wasn't about us,
It was about making up for what we couldn't have in our personal lives.
So live up to your fullest, and from me, expect no more
begging replies.
(Sighs);)

This is no ****-You,
this is no I-Hate.
I am not thanking you for any
memories.
I am not seeking revenge.
My head is no shelter,
I cannot keep you in my head
anymore.
My heart is no blanket.
I cannot keep you
tucked in.
Maybe I was wrong,
so I scared you away.
I am not hoping you will fall
to your knees and beg to come
back.
Whatever is meant, and whatever the choice is,
I'll be cool.
You were so beautiful as you stood before me.
Gazing and smiling right into my
eyes.
You saw the real me,
I see the real you.
Love now sounds hopeless,
friends sounds like something neither of us
gives a **** about.
The pain-in-the-*** I was
and the hell you and I went through.
And there were the sweet and lovely conversations.
Leave it.
It's over.
If it comes around once more onto my shoulders,
very well.
But I must let you go.
There's the door,
walk away,
and just be gone if that is what you want,
all I want is for you to be
happy.

It's ok.
You got here.
You are not alone.
It has been a tough day,
and you just hugged Mom and Dad good-bye.
They left,
and you stood there
as you watched kids go with
kids having the time of their lives.
Today might not be your day
for that.
Today is hard,
as you unlock your room
with small items and cement walls.
You jump up on your bed,
and look out the window.
The backyard
is filled with loud, obnoxious kids.
Today might not be your day to feel that.

You are not alone.
You may keep your interests,
you can share as you meet.
It is ok to be feeling the way you are.
As your roommate is on the phone ,
and the poster of your celebrity crush is behind you,
surely they have felt the same way
in new countries as they tour.
But you are here to stay,
you know you'll find your routine
and you'll get used to this.

College is not easy.
You'll deal with toughness and hurt.
But you are your own leader
and you'll find your good and fun.

So right now, it's still the first day.
Stop holding back the tears,
and take a deep breath.
What you are about to do
is perfectly fine and there are others doing the same.
Let it out,
and right now,
Just Cry.
It's going to be
ok.

Even though we may not
always agree,
your eyes
say you
believe
in me.

This is the worst time
to be thinking about
Quitting.
My mind thinks of **** as my
face is red and my teeth grit.
I feel the nerve in my arms to
punch you and claw your face.
Maybe you should be the one
bleeding noticeably this time.
I am sick of the haters hating
and the babies crying.
I want to cry with the little babies
but I have to forget that I live with
something.
Even though I use my words and
they are heard but never listened,
I know someone will want to.
I'll keep going,
I'll be here,
I won't lose control.
You're not going to bleed,
as long as you do for me
as well as you.
I like to think there is a place to be
and people to hug when something
isn't wrong.
There are, and that my friend
is you.

Who thinks they have the right
to stand in front of the room
as the center of attention,
saying only the first thing that comes to mind?
Who would expose only rudeness
to whomever puts in the effort
to be loving and appropriately concered.
The smart Alec refuses to learn.
Only a fool would say
the phrases that are silly and untrue.
A smart Alec may have a brain
but never a clue.
And for the lonely soul
with issues in boundaries
has no idea where the limits lie.
Walks in uninvited,
puts words in the mouth,
and unrightfully gives advice
within a bribe.
Though I can't change a fool or a smart Alec,
and I can't take away somebody's boundary issues
like a magic trick.
So I stand my ground,
and my shoulder is cold with ice.
Don't have to be a friend,
no need for me to be nice.
Just need to treat them fair
and always
Avoid
getting into fights.
And those are my rights.

You know it's just a label.
Is it really meant to hurt?
Don't bother saying it,
You can just kick me in the dirt.

None of the pictures are to burn,
no memory is going to be in my
heart's urn.
Looks like we have a chance to
see others and take a different turn.
You sure were one to teach me about love,
and I know there are thousands of things
I helped you learn.
Love is something that comes along,
you don't wait to earn.
Relationships don't include
attitudes that are stern.
When they do,
let it go and with yourself
be firm.
Carry on,
don't yet start searching,
just
learn.

A man who grasps
only a beer
never to warm up his hand for
a lady.
He performs his aloofness to her
as she learns from his cold
tone.
Let him hate,
let him hate.

She calls and calls him for days.
He puts no effort to ever pick up.
She tries so hard to grasp attention
from his wandering eyes.
She doesn't yet know to
let him hate,
let him hate.

Men who are crass,
men who are despicable,
men who are self-absorbed
put in time for them.
Holding every problem between him and
a woman.

Women feel so hard
they bleed when they are hurt.
The blood she sheds from her hands
that never interlocked.
There is a time when women need to
let go.

She shall still feel,
she can't take no for a reply.
It is hard when she learns to just
let him hate,
let him hate.

Believe me when I say this,
so hard to be heard.
When shaking
and eyes wandering the room,
don't have to say a word.
Who would ever listen to
and individual
awkward as can be?
This is where depression has its place.
Will you give some chances to me?
No.
Okay.
I get it.
Don't think I don't care.
In your narrow minds your thinking
don't take her seriously.
Newsflash
you're not being fair.
Will you just listen to my point of view?
You may learn something,
so will you count my words as true?
No.
Okay.
Just add your two cents.
Do not think I am not over it.
Yes we are all troubled
in our own creative way.
Making more excuses
to get attention and to not
watch what we say.
Forgetting true words,
searching for hands to hold
and free candy.
I'm remembering my behavior at its worst
searching for alternatives to use
and better people to have in my life.
You're not trustworthy?
No.
Okay.
This is why I let you go.
Every time I try to get you to listen
it's a no.
Sorry, you're just too faux.
I have a stronger mind and a truer mind, you know.
Now get out of my life,
leave,
Go.

The more I think about it
and hold a drink in my hand
I sip some more and hope my
drunk eyes will **** the night
over.
It's better than killing
myself.
The desire has been on inside
me like a light switch.
I turn it off but someone
always manages to turn it on
before I reach it.
If I am to reach anything,
it will be my destiny,
the thoughts aren't real, and
depression and mania will have
their matches in the ring.
I may seem like someone new the
next day or minute,
but you can always expect to
see me again the next day
or minute.
The thoughts happen and don't
go anywhere,
but I'm here to stay
only because I
want to in all
honesty.

Bad thoughts-(SWITCH OFF)
Good thoughts-(SWITCH ON)
And see the light that is here on
earth.

The key of life
Is not anyone at all.
Not knowing we learn
Through the yellow and black
Flying insect.

Small but smart as can be.
Teach us lonely uncertain humans.
To go forward but keep routine.

Sometimes our hives have to change.
Flowers come back
But we may always choose different.
Since the flowers do become new.

Let them bloom.
Like babies laughter and the moon phases.
Change is hard, but it's only to
make well and accept.

So like a bee.
The key of life, the busy.
Be thy strong self,
but change blooms into stregnth.

Even in new places
we find out honey.
Even in new places
We find our belonged wanted area.
Notify with a sting.
Life is constantly changing.
If only we could all change,
Accept, and find our true honey anywhere we fly.
Be humble
Like a bee.

When the depression  goes,
and I am not about to **** my dignity,
I don't care anymore,
and I feel like a Child.
When the people in my life,
surround me and trust,
I feel no pain,
and like a Child.
When I'm being forced,
and scolded with aggressiveness.
I back out,
and cry,
like a child.

At least a child learns.
At least a child is smart.
A child can forgive.
A child can pray.
A child will say.
A child will do.

When a person tells me
that I need to grow up,
I look at them back,
and I say,
"everyone has growing up to do."
To criticize our maturity.
To label us with shame.
We are all hypocrites.

As we see in others.
And observe,
like a child would.

The moment is gone like a late train,
but the memory is there like the implanted tracks.
Like a bullet that is removed,
the scar brings back every flashback
of being shot.
It's over, it happened.
Memories keep us thinking.
Don't shoot back,
cover it with a better train of thought.
You don't have to wait to hear,
"All Aboard!"
to let it all go.

Right now I am breaking my writers block.
My page is incomplete without another piece written
about someone special like you.
The first time you asked to hold my hand I sensed hesitation
in you and felt fear in me.
I pressed against your shoulder and all my fears ceased within
me.
I felt your touch how you wanted to protect me from the horror
you became my beautiful sight.
Not knowing you brought fear of having you and getting to know you
was the graving of the bumps in the desert how they would never
stop us from getting to where we want to be.
I want to be with you,
I want to share these feelings with you.
I want to have a nice poem about you.
Here it is, and here we are.
Look what you have done,
bringing me and you into a
better world to see and live.
No fawn is ever taken for granted, and no mistake is ever frowned upon.
I’ve warmed up enough, and I saved the time I write this for the perfect night.
Tonight was magnificent, and that is what my life
is becoming thanks to
you.

Candles are lit inside
then blown out by
I don't know what.
The breath that comes
Out of nowhere
and changes the light.
Darkness becomes everything.
Shown in my eyes with
blood shots and twitches.
Trying to breathe myself and
pictures in my mind are flipped through
as if there are photo albums in my cranium.
First is the picture of the kids who crowded me
at the playground and mocked me.
Second is the teacher who introduced my failed grade and others saw me as less.
The third picture is the most brutal;
All the boy said was we would go for a walk.
Turned into us alone in a stairwell,
He kissed me thousands of times on the lips
with no consent
at all.
I'm not going to let these pictures rule me I dont
care that they are worth a thousand words.
There will be no words once I light another candle and let the fury burn into ashes.
My eyes will watch birds fly and flowers bloom.
Your eyes can see me as a happy woman.
It's there somewhere.

I'm thinking of how I return to the spot in the disco ball moonlight
and I'm catching my breath.
I always noticed people who are uptight
using humor as a mask.
This masquerade is filled with gowns of glitter
and tuxedos of black and white.
We dance, we chat, we drink our beloved manhattan and gin.
I'm more than excited to be at the masquerade,
Though I'm hit by past behavior of craziness and belting profanity.
I didn't mean it.
Just want everyone focused on my glitter so I now still wear a mask.
Can we still dance?
Can I have one more drink?
Can they learn to move forward?
Behavior is like a masquerade.
Dress to perfection, and don't drink too much or you'll end the night with humiliation and grief.
Play with your boa but don't chase if it doesn't catch his eye.
Don't lay a hand on her if she refuses a dance with you.
Be kind to the others at the ball.
Smile and whatever is hurting inside,
put a mask on it.
We don't need to ruin everyone's time at the wonderful masquerade.
Some may or may not
Forget.

There are too many songs
written about love.
What about putting ourselves first
and caring about security?
Can one be happy without a great
significant other?
Sure love is great.
I like the songs that are about
all the great complications.
Music beats any unpleasant noise.
The notes and lyrics beat any
whining.
Feelings are ignored since there is
too much and too many people to
deal with.
Listen to the music.
Not every message will be right for all.
Write your own music.
Express your feelings no matter the lack of common
share.
To the alternative acoustic who writes about their
newborn child.
For the rapper writing about the children in the neighborhood without a chance.
The opera singer who sings for when we let go.
The pop star who expresses the joy of being
single again.
And how about the rock star honoring their new electric guitar.
So many feelings,
so many meanings.
Forget the right and wrong.
Just listen, write, and feel.

If I look forward,
I over think.
If I look back,
I cry.
When I think about what I did wrong,
I stare at my current image in the mirror,
and Sigh.
All I can do
to give everything thrown at me a better
try.
Mentality screws me sometimes,
not gonna lie.
Creates these expectations
that later die.
Karma kicks herself in,
but why?
Mentality
will go away
after I take a breath
and sigh.
And just let it all
fly.

If I ever cross your mind,
make it a circle.
Think of me,
and write me down in the puzzle.
X's and O's,
I was the one you chose.
I'll apply lipstick and plant an X on your lips.
An O you can wrap your arms around my hips.
Just breathe and I will burry my head in your chest,
Feeling nothing but sugar and lemon zest.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
this is now all in my head and you left me, so
*******.

Waking up from
Chaotic dreams and restless
Bothersome Thoughts,
Out my bedroom window
There fly some little blue jays
All around the tree and feed off
Our grass.
I went to bed in anger
Then woke up to this.
Everything will be ok
In the end.
Hard changes are coming
About though the birds
Are my motivation to
Seize the day.
Perhaps a coincidence or
A sign from the lord above,
We know everything
Will be
Ok.

I was once a wannabe rock star.
My voice is now strained and I finally learned
Guitar.
I was once a drama queen.
I excuse myself too many times and binge eat.
I was once in love,
I now hate thinking of my ex boyfriend.
I was once insecure,
I now feel that way today.
So much changes through metamorphosis.
Caterpillars create cocoons.
My cocoon was my iPod.
Once it breaks, they become beautiful butterflies.
My music lead me to comfort as my favorite song held my hand through hard times.
My heart is the same though my tastes keep narrowing down.
Don't butterflies narrow down their flowers to lay?

Anyone who filled my time that could have been
Empty with me sitting alone in a dark room,
You may not make me smile everyday but that moment was the best thing you did for me at that time.
The clock ticks to our oblivious senses.
We are oblivious for a reason,
The reason is to have a moment that grows into a memory.
The memory lives and dies after new moments are planted into our hearts.
Remember the moment when you stood backstage and peaked behind the curtain.
Remember the moment the curtain opened up and the audience silenced its sins to see your glory.
Remember you felt something move and suddenly you were dancing the routine.
Remember the flowers that fell to the floor below you as you stood in bowing position under a beaming spotlight.
A moment like this is the standing tree to our happy thoughts.
Take care of the tree and don't break off the good memories by tearing off the bark and branches.
A moment is sacred, a memory is special, a tree is our place of thought

Oh why, oh why
can't it still be right?
I work on finding the path all day
forget the night.
When I find it, I'll walk and leave footprints in order
to see.
I couldn't let it all go even though
it wasn't right for me.
It's over!
It's done!
My heart is a mess.
Both happy and broken,
this walk is a test.
The fork in the road that's coming near
will side either say come back or stay
clear.
I'm either long forgotten,
or just someone once known.
For now, I'll let it go,
but I'll have to do my part on my own.
I'm going to leave the path and walk back home.
It is dark and the moonlight has grown.
I'll need the night to prove it's right.
For now, just accept, don't make the time
a fight.

This melody that wraps around
My body and waist,
Flies by my head and face.
I see these notes lie on a scale
I must perform though I don't know well.
****** the music while it's being grown
That's ok, I don't need this written speech
I have my own.
I write and find nobody wants to listen
So only I will throw my words out and say they don't know what they're missing.
I see beauty in my own written stone,
Since nobody else agrees they can leave it alone.
The critics forget the heart that beats the emotional harmony.
This melody will be in reachable view but it will be written by me.
Whether a song or sonnet,
Hear this I will let.
Admire my point and find it in a form of art, no colors or canvases, this melody came from my
Heart.