I am damaged
Broken to the core
Discarded and left behind
Alone in this life
I can't see an escape
My heart feels heavy
My mind is twisted
Yet no one understands

I may be depressed
or probably anxious
One thing's for sure though
I'm a messy storm
Trapped in a bottomless hell
Where no one can hear
No matter how much I scream
No body seems to notice

I'm in a prison of anxiety
A delusional reality
A paradoxical identity
Where no one can help me
I am a sinner
Never a saint
I know what's coming for me
But still I ask for help

I'm twisted and broken
Left to dust and the elements
No matter how much I cling on
To those who should care
Nobody hears my deranged cries
And my dying soul inside
Being consumed by anger
Guilt and loneliness

Why can't they see me?
Why can't they hear me suffer?
I'm falling in an endless pit
No end in sight
Just **** me now
I can't do what you want right
I can't be what you want me to be
So don't expect from me anymore

These feelings are no joke
I am hollow inside
Devoid from emotion
With no will to live
Contemplating my life
To move on or leave it here
Do I take the plunge?
Or just let them batter me more?

Ah, there it is
The fear of uncertainty
If I end it all here
I still fear what may happen next
So maybe there's still hope
I'm not yet dead inside
I still want to breathe
To suffer and feel alive

This poem is proof
That I'm ****** up in the head
A disaster in the making
See my point if I said
That everything here doesn't make sense?

I take my leave
And forget them all behind
The old is gone
the new has come

I leave the pointless path
And head for uncharted waters
I leave my comfort zone
And go to see the world

I leave the heartaches behind
And strive to be a better person
One that can love this life again
And deserve to be loved as well

I leave all mediocrity behind
And seek a better, happier life
I leave the past year behind
and open my arms to the year ahead

I leave the regret behind
Over all opportunity forgone
I accept the challenge ahead
And take on new and better chances

I quit moping over the past
To live in the present
and take on the future
As I move forward in this life

Today I bid goodbye to the old
And welcome the new season of my life
So that when I face Tomorrow
I can say that I have no regrets in this wild ride

Midnight queen makes her presence known
Eyes lit up like sparkling diamonds
Lips shaded red as a blooming rose
Porcelain skin and an angel's face

The world of men sits at her feet
Wars are waged for her one night
Men competing for the goddess' favor
like playing with children's innocent curiosity

The eyes of this cougar stalking quietly
Hunting for the next unsuspecting prey
Her deadly charm her most effective tool
To catch and break the young and foolish boys

There I stood looking from a far
Desires getting stronger even if I stood no chance
Accepting that she won't ever look my way
And yet there she was, staring through my soul

God, my awkward smile and juvenile heart
You shined like starlight in my eyes
Heartbeats in maximum overdrive
When you lace your fingers into mine

Pent up desires taking over
Love bursting like a broken dam
Surging forth into each others' embrace
Raging like storms on a collision course

Making love like the torrid summer sun
Fiery encounters burning all trace of innocence
You, who consumes all the oxygen in my lungs
Whose kisses are my elixirs of eternal life

Stronger than *****, yet addictive like wine
You embody my deepest, darkest desires
You are a dream and a nightmare combined
And yet here I am, succumbing to my desires

You leave me thirsty for more of you
You plague me day and night in my dreams
Whose every word become my life's creed
Whose very silhouette I cannot live without

I am a slave to your mischievous desires
The goddess that I kneel to each night
I am a plaything running on your fingers
Your quick game whenever you feel bored

The devil in red and white claims me as hers
I am but a casualty in her rampaging storm
A victim who is left addicted to her taste
The plaything of a cougar whom every man desires

Dear you..

It's been a while
Since we last talked
How have you been?
I hope you're doing okay

Me?

I guess I still miss you
Missing how I wake up seeing you
Smiling at me each morning
Wanting to stay in bed the entire day

Dear you..

Do you remember how
We enjoy making breakfast everyday?
How dreadful it feels to leave in the morning
only to hurry back and eat dinner together

I do

I still remember our weekend dates
Whether going out, or staying home
Remember the first roses I gave you?
And my promise to give you some every week?

Remember, Dear?

I still remember how you caressed my hair
and how you kissed me every time I messed up
I also remember how we used to cuddle
When we stayed home on the weekends

Do you still remember?

How warm it feels when you hug me
At times when it feels cold in bed at night
and how we ate on the same bowl or plate
Whenever we lazily eat our meals on the bed

Those were the days

When I felt happiest the most
When I felt like I'm truly alive
Sharing that simple, fun life with you
Brought contentment to my heart.

Did you feel the same way?

You smiled whenever you looked at me
You kissed back even when I nervously messed up
You had that effect on me back then
I thought I also had the same effect on you

But I guess not..

When that blissful life took a bad turn
We turned for the worst downfall as well
You kept looking for someone else in me
Someone's love that's completely different from mine

And then it crumbled..

The life we shared and held on dearly
The way we shouted and fought every night
and how we slept on the opposite sides of the bed
I guess you really didn't feel the same

Who was he?

The one you still held on to
Even though I was the one beside you
The person who kept you from being mine
Whose memories outweighed the love I gave?

Then the end came..

It came by so fast I never caught a glimpse
I was still willing to fix it yet you alone brought it down
You walked out that door and left me for good
You took my heart with you as you went to him

It still hurts..

I am still stuck with loving you
Even if my mind says otherwise
Your ghost still haunts my life
I don't know what else to do

So please..

Stop running to me when you need comfort from him
Stop calling me every time you cry on lonely nights
Stop stirring this weak heart of mine
And please don't consider me yours anymore

So..

I'm saying a final goodbye
I hope you'll be happy in this life
In time I'll move on, I'll be free
Even if in my heart, you'll always be dear to me

You were a surprise
Something that never crossed my mind
An unexpected encounter
That would change me forever

I always thought that
If I work hard and with passion
I could get anything I want
Never have I been so wrong
As then and there
Right in front of you
While I choked on my feelings
and opened my heart
Fate dashed this innocence
In just a quick instant

I've always wanted you
Just to be beside you
Breathing the same air
Sharing the same moment
Laughing on the same jokes
Holding hands
Locking in embraces
Eating at the same place
and sharing the same food
Reading together the same books
Sleeping on your lap
While my mind flutters around you
Dreaming about a tomorrow
where we do the same things all over again
and being happy with each other
Being content with this life
That I wanted to share with you
How innocent of a dream
and yet Fate is a cruel thing

I always thought that I could reach you
I could be with you through think and thin
That you could want me the way I want you
Is it wrong for me to be in love with you?
Why does loving you passionately
end up being a punishment on me?
Why is it that when I only yearn to be with you
I end up living and loving alone?
I always thought that you were already mine
And yet in the end, you've always been out of my reach?
Why is it that when you were with me, you were always content
and yet when with him, you dare to dream even further?
Why can't my love for you prosper
while his love for you bears all the fruits of my labor?
I don't understand why a wish so innocent
can be trampled and forgotten in an instant twist?

I guess I was only chasing stars
Trying to catch a love
That was never mine in the first place
The lonely nights come passing by
Every day burning quickly
Like embers on a windy night
Trying to forget the memories
you shared with me
Trying to forget the dreams
you made me yearn to achieve
Even though forgetting you stings
I'll do it
I can't stay stagnant on you
I'll have to move on
even if it still hurts
I'll push on
Until you are completely
Out of my system
and out of my reach

I quit
I quit this mediocrity called Life
This existence filled with paradoxes
This life which lacks any form of happiness
These days that are filled with suffering

I quit
I quit this depression that eats me
This sadness that has long plagued me
This hatred that drives my every day
This angst that hovers over my head

I quit
I quit this stupid blaming game
Where I never took an ounce of responsibility
Where I hide behind flawed reasoning
Where I let my flowery tongue do my ***** work

I quit
I quit this pursuit of temporary happiness
Where I let Chance give or take control of me
Where I blindly wait for fruitless promises
Where I let this unfair Life give me anxieties

I QUIT
I QUIT THIS STUPID GAME
I QUIT FROM EVERYTHING THAT CONTROLS ME
From now on I am master of my fate
I am the captain of my ship
I alone pursue what I want
and not let anything come by chance
I will take responsibility for my actions
and take all the blame for my iniquities
I will not let anxiety take hold of me
and free my mind from all negativity
I will give up the pursuit of false joy
and in exchange pursue true wisdom
That this life is not as complicated
as what I thought it was.
That this life is just a simple struggle
and will only yield to those who are strong
Strong in mind and heart
Those willing to recognize and accept all weaknesses
and to change and convert them to strength

Whoever sits upon Heaven's Throne
Give me the courage to resign from this "Life"
and give me the strength and will
To start the change that I always wanted in me

It comes for me
Judgement from the sins
That litter my past
They linger to this day
I'm suffocating
from their grasp
Pulling me deeper
within the Abyss
I am imprisoned
within the blackness of my deeds
within the evil of my soul
They hover over me
The guilt slowly eating me
It plays with my twisted mind
Delusions feel like they're real
The whispers getting louder
Its ******* depressing here
I'm almost out of breath
from the anxiety building up
Just **** me now!

Save me
Hold me
Hear me plea
Come for me

The demons of the past catch up
To destroy what remains
Of my being today
They're almost here