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May 2019 · 203
Lightspeed.
kivel May 2019
Here I am again
cycling through with this ******
life
ready to feel despair
with all the regret in the world.

I brace myself
for i see the land
and it fills my vision
laughing at me.

After years of being free
into the sky
I brace myself again
ready
for this ****** land
this punishing, mad land that gives no mercy
that cages me from reaching for stars
that loves to wallow within my tears
that gives me only pain within my heart
it comes to me
again.

Lightspeed.
A repeating tragedy.
Feb 2019 · 107
Finally
kivel Feb 2019
Finally
After so long
I am able to write poems
of love again.

Finally
After a period of time
I can move on
and be with my friends.

I don't cry over you
As I once did
When you tore my heart and left it there
shattered.

I finally,
Finally,
Finally.

I can breathe again.
Nov 2018 · 1.1k
lover
kivel Nov 2018
Death is a cruel lover

for he cheats on me
with the people closest to me
end
Nov 2018 · 250
Path
kivel Nov 2018
death's dark gates welcome you warmly
but don't lose track
of the bright star you will hold.

go forth with confidence
and never lose faith.
feel better. don't let it bring you down
Nov 2018 · 357
why
kivel Nov 2018
why
how death can be so beautiful to one
bringing peace
and joy
freedom from this world of hell

this illusion death gave
to ease one's suffering
he desired it so much
that he killed himself

blossoms bloom as the Rose's petal make mess

the greediness of the boy
may have given him a new world to dance
but everything comes with a price
a sin was committed upon his death

a whole new world of pain
and emotional suffering
brought to those who surrounded
the withering, red Rose
for they wanted it to grow with them

instead they weeped for the deceased
and crowded around their friend
his family losing mentality
as they stare at the gun the corpse was holding

chaos brewed
cataclysm loomed

"what happened to our beautiful creation
did i not try hard enough
the kids are crying
im crying"

"why."

mother stares at son
then his petals
his beautiful petals
im sorry

knife at the table
wanting to justify her unjust actions towards him
and make it all even again
so then maybe
he can
forgive her

and another beautiful flower
loses its petals
to the grand illusion
of death.
i need to rant.
Nov 2018 · 585
regretting
kivel Nov 2018
my heart weighs
heavier
and heavier
with all the sins
but
I look at what's in front of me
with ill intent
ready to pile more gold
onto my soul
and drag it lower
all the way to hell
Down.
kivel Nov 2018
Like a mangled
corpse
lying on the ground,
what we had between us
rotted
and we jumped back in fear
of what we've become.
I'm sorry.
Nov 2018 · 127
Hope
kivel Nov 2018
When you have no one to go to
cry out

for from within in the heavens
you shall be answered.
Have faith.
Nov 2018 · 5.7k
Rainbow
kivel Nov 2018
Trivial beauty holds me captive as i sit near the flower
Reaching towards it, marveling at the colorful rainbow
It flaunts its
Sheer beauty,
Having it wave with the breeze
As i watch

The stripes came to take the juice
And then left to spread more
Lo, the beauty of the stripes and the beauty of its job
I followed. leaving the flower.
Ever so noisily, It buzzed, harmonically, lovingly

it danced in ways that intrigued me
so i left the flower
to pursue my bee
it took me to its hive
but disappeared back to join the others
back to its life
back to her lover
ditching me.

time flew by and by dark
the flower still glows with its rainbow color
no matter what comes to it
it holds itself tall and proud
it stayed in place
waiting for me to come
such purity
i watch

Dawn of fall came, and i opened my ears
As a yellow flower sang nearby
Nevertheless, a sunflower
Ah, yellow was such a pretty color

flower of the sun, reflecting the most powerful object in our vision
this flower had the qualities to shine like one
for it shined so brightly during the day
i started to watch this flower instead
and sing to it, hoping it would grow
cared for it with everything i had
but i failed to find it during the night
for it changed throughout the month, throughout the day
soon i found my efforts were nothing
and that the sunflower was always in its own flock

the yellow flower is still there
always will be
but its petals always faced something else
in the opposite direction
and as soon as i come close to getting it
it turns away, mimicking its sister,
the bee

summer came
and the rainbow flower, it was still here
it never left
why?
confused, i sat
i became sad
why did i leave this flower, ever?
it still stayed
so i've decided to stay.

forever.
A horrible love note
Nov 2018 · 1.2k
comfort zone
kivel Nov 2018
Through the closed window i stare

for hours and hours
things change and fly by
but i sit here in my room
watching through the window

at first when i was young
i saw sunshine
i saw the rain
i felt the disasters
and then i learned to be emotionless

watching through this window in my old rotting room
i learned to keep to myself
saying hi to a few people that knock on the glass
some people decide to visit inside
some enter through my window
while some through the back door
they appreciate me as i have many stories
and i appreciate them for they have some too
but soon they take notice of my room
and decide to leave

in the absence of people
and humanity in general
i learn skills of desire
and master each of them
jack of all trades
and soon after i attract
with this new fragrance ive obtained
more people start coming

friends

~

now seventeen
i am still watching through my window
but i leave it a bit open
letting my music reach the ears of souls outside
occasionally going out through the window myself to see them
and to enjoy the outside world like everyone else

more people knock on my glass now
more people come in
and more people enjoy me

my room gets brighter with all the candles they light for me
and many people are staying
and light me up
and keep the flames burning

the world still brings upon the weathers
and i try to accept them
for emotions bring out the real me
but i live in california
so sunshine is what i receive most of the time

now that im almost an adult
ill have to learn to leave this room
and live like the rest.
17 is a complicated age.
Oct 2018 · 824
questions
kivel Oct 2018
i love you
with welling emotions that pour over my cup
i dont question these feelings
niether do they waver to another persons

but i question wether it will be returned
this feeling towards you
i also doubt you'll be happy
with the future that's in our presence
i dont know wether we'll die together
or be torn apart by faith
i love you the most

but is it enough to bend worlds
it's for you dummy
Oct 2018 · 1.3k
identity
kivel Oct 2018
Apparently,
I am me

-when i am not me
The sad truth
Oct 2018 · 1.6k
Garden
kivel Oct 2018
a whole spectrum of color
continuously poured into my eyes
as i walked between leaves, under the bright sun
and time, past and present, whipped past me,
faster and faster, as i strolled through this garden.

my nose twitched to every new smell
bakery, vanilla, lavender,
my mother's cooking
this creamy, lovely perfume
my nose twitched to my childhood

i stopped along this path
to find it suddenly became night.
i peered into the leaves for light,
and was granted visions from other perspectives.
other people. such bright lives.

i came across my own vision.
it was of the present.
i saw myself peering into leaves,
during the middle of the night.

i turned and saw myself.
a reflection? i snapped.

the colors disappeared.
the smells refused to come close to me.
evening.
the beach was close by.
where am i?

~-~-~-~-~

on the way home
one thought fought every other:

that truly was
the garden of dreams.
until next time, until i see you again, goodbye.
Oct 2018 · 163
our habitat
kivel Oct 2018
It's everything
but upside down

Messed up
in all the ways possible

It's nothing to marvel over,
this world

for the people who roam it
**** it

.

.

.

Although there are good people out there too.
Thank you for existing.
We all need you.
Seriously, thank you.
Oct 2018 · 319
Cliché
kivel Oct 2018
You've been there
through all the things I've done,
through all the broken hearts
I gave solely to you.

17 and you're still here,
and now I've fallen,
for I've seen the beauty you carry:
You.

I love you.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
To the unnamed
Oct 2018 · 406
kivel Oct 2018
Stars.
They shine bright, emitting light to our night sky.
They shine for the people, for us to stare in wonder.
Selfless, loving, and beautiful.
To inspire. To wish upon.
Star.
Loren wanted to be a star.


But stars die too.
They never last forever.
They can only stand for so long.
They give in, imploding into a black hole, becoming something that ***** in everything, turning them into nothing.
If they're ever noticed, they're feared of.
Otherwise, they're forgotten, never given any attention.
Stars die too.
Loren wanted to be a star.
S t a r s  d i e  t o o

— The End —