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Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Its name is sadness.
Violent sadness.
It's creeping up again
It is giving me anxiety
Because I don't want it
To crawl in my skin
Again and be comfortable.
With the anxiety brings depression.
It's always been there,
Never completely going away.
But I can ignore and it slows,
Grows smaller everytime
I smile and laugh.
But every time someone leaves
Me for someone shinier,
The sadness spreads like wild fire,
Like the mold on strawberries
I cannot eat.
I wish I was born thin like her,
Perfect like her,
Golden like her,
The one who steals them away.
As I watch the monster crawling
Towards me,
I analyze it.
I watch the way it moves slow,
Trying to not be discovered
Like the way I do.
It moves swiftly,
Not in pulses.
I watch it creep,
Pulling itself from
Whatever depths it came,
Like the way I do.
And that's the scariest part.
I watch it's iridescent
Nails crawl closer.
It has a diamond ring.
...
So do I.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
It's been five days
Since I've had a proper meal.
I won't eat. 
Those three words don't mean 
I won't eat at all,
Only enough so I don't die. 
I eat a bowl of fruit and a sandwich everyday. 
Lots of beverages! 
Don't forget!
I've learned to like the feeling of my empty stomach. 
I am now conscious of the feeling of my bones. 
It's been five days since I have had a proper meal. 
Weird how in so little time I'm already feeling thin. 
I don't look different I know, but I feel different. 
I know it's not healthy but maybe one more day. 
One more day and you might like me. 
One more day and you might like me the way you like her. 
The tall thin one. 
I won't eat
Because you didn't know how much it killed me when you looked at her the way I looked at you. 
Maybe next time you see me you'll ask, "how did you do it? What happened?"
 And I will simply reply,
I won't eat.
This was written a few months ago, it's irrelevant now, at least for me.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Don't you see?
She never loved you
As where I,
If given the chance,
Would love you with
All my being,
And it would be epic.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Our love was beautiful,

innocent and sweet. 

Like flower buds on a tree, seeing the sun for the first time.   

It grew into fresh fruit, refreshing everyone who encountered it.

Then autum came and our fruit dropped to the ground, taking the leaves with it. 

Although it was a sign of death, I still found it beautiful.

We were breath taking.

Our love flowed like rivers and streams hidden deep in the forest. 

Then the cold came, and she came. 

We lost our spark. You spent more time with her, and allowed her to burrow her way into our tree.

Slowly, she took our nutrition and ripped the roots out from under us.  

She froze the remains of us and eventually we died.

Then you grew a new tree with her, using our dead fruit and leaves as nutrients.

Now a new frost has spread and this new winter has killed your tree with her.

This cycle will remain until you have learned how to shelter your tree from the cold. 

But the saddest part is that our tree was not grown from the cold that killed the leaves in which your trees now grow.

Our love was sprouted from the sun, it was fresh and new, and innocent.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I've always been a bird,
Trapped in my little cage.
It's dark and cramped in here,
It feels as though I'm suffocating

I watch the free birds from
Behind my metal bars.

I dream of the day my capturers
Set me free.
The day I may spread my wings.
The day I may fly with the wild ones.

I have the power to break out,
But I'm afraid of the consequences.
All my life I've been told how to live.
To sit and be a nice bird.

I'm getting restless.
I'm getting peckish.

I want to break out,
I have the power.
But I'm so afraid that
My wings won't work anymore,
From the lack of experience.

I'm so afraid that the wild birds
Won't see me as their own.
I don't know how to fit in.
This, my capturers have not taught,
Only how to sit and be a nice bird.
Do what I'm told, what is expected of me.

Well I'm getting peckish.

I want to fly.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
What is love?

Is love the blue sky 
on a summer morning?

Is love the cool rain 
on a hot day?

Is love the fresh white snow
in December?

or is it the color full leaves 
that fall every fall?

no my dear,
love is none of those things.

love is swimming
in the most beautiful spring,
but then drowning
in the deepest sea.

love is flying high
in the whitest of clouds,
But then being struck down
by the loudest lightning.

​​​​​Love is a red rose
That ****** your finger
As soon as you touch it.

Love is not something pretty
That you see everyday.
Love is something rare 
That comes every once in awhile.

It is something that
Makes you feel alive.
But as soon as you
get comfortable with it
It breaks you down,
It kills you, and it leaves you.

Then you get comfortable
living without it
Until it comes again.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I've always been different
A rare breed of human
An odd occurrence to those
Who have known me

Some sort of blessing
To anyone
Brave enough to love me
And the greatest loss
To those who didn't
Deserve to keep me

R.h. Sin
This came from the book "rest in the mourning" by r.h. sin. I just really loved this poem so I wanted to share it.
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