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Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I went to the bottom
Of your Instagram
Today.
Two years ago.

I looked at the
Black and White picture
You took of me
On the Ferris Wheel.

All I could think was,
Poor girl, Foolish girl,
Stop that smiling like you love him,
He's going to shatter you.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
I always lived in the moment, got lost in it.
 I didn’t think of the future,
 I got lost in your eyes.
Hypnotized by them,
By your voice, your laugh,
 Now you’re gone because “it wasn’t going anywhere.”
 I cried for days, for nights.
 The sight of you brings an ache to my heart.
 I was truly lost in this world
 And trapped inside my dangerous thoughts
 That you always made me forget.
 Now I can’t stop thinking.
 Your smile that warmed my heart.
 Your laugh that made me feel alive.
 Your light brown eyes
 That sometimes magically changed color.
 Their happiness.
 Thinking of how happy you are with her.
 At least that’s what I’m told.
How you don’t know
 The pain I feel for you.
How you don’t care if I see the light.
Thinking of how you don’t care.
 Thinking of the memories you threw away
 And how I picked them out of the trash,
 Too afraid to let them go.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
My limbs are holding on by a string.
They just dangle there unable
To make their presence known.
Or even be helpful to my broken body.

My eyes are blurry with tears
and sunken in. I am unable to see anymore.
All my vision brings me are blurry images
Of the Evil world I once new and belonged to.

My hair is disintegrating.
The strands still left are a dull grey.
They serve no purpose to me anymore.
But still I leave it down on my shoulders.

My lips are a bright pink.
They are my everything.
They reveal the lovely white teeth
waiting to be found.

My lips are the key to my happiness. 
The key to my purpose.
They release the words that no one else can say.
The words no one else dare to speak.

My lips are my anchor to this world.
I speak about everything.
I release my wisdom like droplets of water
in a running faucet. 

My lips are my World.
My lips are my Happiness.
My lips are my Pride.
My lips are my Everything.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
Everything is empty.

The room in my mansion of a mind where I used to keep you, and everything you were to me is empty. It's a cold dark void that echoes the memories whenever I open the door. The smell; no, stench; no, fragrance of you is burned into the floor. Maybe if I lay on my stomach and scratch at the wood I can smell it once more.



The walls are a light brown, the color of your eyes. When I open the curtains and the light shines in, the walls magically turn green, and blue, and yellow and all sorts of browns. But wait, no there is no more curtains blocking out the sun. I shouldn't think of these things. I'm conjuring up the dusty curtains that are rotting in the basement. They are replaced by the wood panels that I nailed into wall, so angery that my fist bled. Because I was not using a hammer, no you took that when you left. I had to compromise and use the hands that you held onto, oh, god no, more happy horrible memories.



I remember you were not holding onto my hands you were letting me tangle mine in yours so that i couldnt get out. All you had to do was slip your hand away to leave. But in order for you to do that, you would have to bend and break my fingers, loosening the vise they made. And thats exactly what you did that night when you were not thinking of me.



When you were thinking of her. When you were building a room in her mansion that was much brighter, bigger, and shinier than mine.  Those nights when we laid in your room, you were slowly packing your things and I didn't notice until the furniture disappeared. I begged you to stay. I begged you to not think of her the way you thought of me. You told me you never in a million years would. You told me you loved me. But you said that to her as well.    



I suppose the room is not empty at all. Physically, it shows me nothing but the remains of our relationship, cold and bordered up; gone. But the memories echo and bounce around the walls and seep from the floors.  The room is empty but the memories fill it up.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
For when he appears,
My lungs fill with flowers 
And for a moment I 
Forget to breathe.



The slumberling caterpillar 
In my stomach
Performs metamorphosis
And flutters around
Trying to break free.



The rivers named veins
Fill and rush to my chest,
To my head and
I forget to think.



For when he smiles,
His eyes come alive,
And I wonder
Does he thinks of me this way.

— The End —