I hate it when people tell me
"be spontaneous".
Yes I am timid and shy.
Yes I take time to reply.
Please don't ask me why.
But I truly believe
*Still waters run deep.

I shut myself down
I no longer want to frown.
So I leave my life under your control.
I have a renewed Spirit in my soul.
My journey has just begun
I'm sailing towards the sun.
I'll fight the fears
I'm not alone...
Lord you wiped my tears.
My fate has set a course,
Your Love is my resource.
This time I will survive.
I'm no longer fragile
My strength is *found in You

Well people leave....!!!

I was in grief....
I couldn't achieve
All the expectations,
Too much to handle
I couldn't tackle.
I wanted to leave!!!

I wanted them to accept my flaw,
Even if my words cut them like a saw.
I didn't want to be corrected.
I just wanted my pain to be deflected.
I was a ******* pessimist,
I looked at things through a dark mist.
I didn't want to change.
Yes people left!!
But they were not to blame.

As I grew I realised,
CHANGE isn't a crime.
It's not about pleasing others.
It's about bringing out the brighter colours.
If I was kind, selfless, gentle and wise
Would people leave??
NO
There would have been no goodbyes.

You've heard of the phrase
"Don't change stay the same"
Honestly, that is just insane.
As we go through the phases of life
*We will encounter CHANGE.

Sometimes I still feel stuck
Like a boat anchored to a rock
And never sailing forward.

No you are not weak,
You chose to commit
Then you say it was out of your league.
No don't say you aren't ready.
You went with the flow when it was steady.
It was only because you lost the will,
For with commitment comes sacrifice.
To you that was too big a prize
to pay.
And indolence decided to stay,
And you preferred it that way.
But don't you ever say you are weak.
For commitment involves more than strength.
**It needs your will.
Then only it can be fulfilled.

You say you have found
Your remedy
You say it gives you ecstasy.
It's the only therapy
that keeps you Sane.

But my dear,
All I see is a life in vain.

You withdrew yourself from society
You said it brought you enmity.
You preferred to be cuddle
by your remedy.

It keeps you warm,
It numbs the pain.
It quenches your desires.
It lits up a fire.
You feel safe.

But my dear,
you have lost your way
Your mind is clouded dark grey.
You're blinded by foggy days.
I hope you come back
to your sense.
Open your eyes and look through
your lens.

Don't let your remedy
**Be your death penalty.

Boo hoo, you have a wound,
But I called it a boon.
For you had gone too far
If it wasn't for that scar,
You would have still been stuck
Rewinding the bad past,
Thinking the pain gave meaning,
All it did was cut you out like
dead grasses.
You lost your colour,
you turned into rotten molasses​.

But now it's just a scar.
It made you realised you'd gone too far.
Your cheeks regain their rosy hue.
Once again I see you bloom
From a bud to a beautiful flower.
Thanks to the the rain that showered,
Washed all the pain of those wasted hours.
Now you find yourself in a new chapter.
So wasn't your wound a boon?

Be stars in this wicked world,
Shine a path for those with darken hearts.

When will you realise?
That you're blessed you haven't ended your life,
Even though you wanted to.
When will you realise?
That you have met many,
Whose hopes have been deprived
Yet refuse to give up.
When will you realise?
You have good friends and family that help you through the night,
When all you want to do is cry.
When will you realise?
That you are loved beyond the moon,
And every morning, you wake up,
You hear the sparrows chirping a new tune,
That lets you know
your dreams will come to past*,
In time and soon.

You demanded my everything.
I gave myself in pieces.
Bit by bit, you collected me.
You fixed me up like a puzzle.
I was thrown away.
Now I'm picking up the pieces
with struggle.
Slowly hoping to be remodelled.
Gluing all creases with glitters,
Hoping to hide the scars layer by layer.
I put a smile,
To make it appear prettier.
But deep inside
I'm as damage as a broken mirror.

Marriage is beautiful
No matter what the age.
The younger the better,
It doesn't disrupt
with your dreams
If you find someone
you can have a future with,
Then propose!
There is nothing wrong
with marrying at  20s.
I've heard people say
"I'm too young,
I want to follow my dreams"
They leave the ones they love for ambition.
So you can't be ambitious at your 60s?
Im not saying you need to rush
It might just create a fuss.
All I'm saying is,
you can be a spouse,
At the same time
you can be who you want to be.
Some say they feel trap like a mouse.
they lose their freedom after being married.
Freedom sounds lonely,
Unless you're married
to a phoney!
Well don't you want to be
with the one and only?

It was my birthday
But I cried
I was suppose to be all happy and cheers
But I cried
Found myself drowning in tears.
I was hoping you would still be the first.
For the past two years,
You were the first to wished me without fail.
But this year I was left in tears.

Somedays I have a cloud over my head,
Somedays the sun rays make a clear path.
But somehow I still have a broken heart.

It was a beautiful afternoon
I was capturing the moment.
Those perfect photographic memories,
The couples on their auspicious occasion.
The laughters, the dancers,
To celebrate their love
I captured them all.

Who knew, that same day
As midnight struck I was taken ill.
Two days later I was carried to the hospital,
Found myself in drips and pills.
My body overshadowed by weakness
my blood pressure kept on rising.

I saw myself!
I saw my body on the hospital bed
I was close to the ceiling, I was floating
I could see my mother silently praying.
Someone was beside me, I couldn't recognise.
He took me to the next room,
I saw twins, waiting to be examined.
Then suddenly the man said
"It's Time to return"
I woke up, with my eyes half opened.
I was sure it was all just a dream.

The following day, some visitors came.
To my surprised, they said
"We saw twins in the adjacent room".
That's when I realised
I saw myself
I saw a lifeless body.
Although it didn't seem logical,
*I encountered a miracle.

What does this life yearns for?
What is your purpose?
Do you require weapons?
Are you preparing for a battle?
Where is the battlefield?
Is the mind the ground you are battling on?
The weapons are made ready, the battle is set,
The enemies, your emotions are drawing closer.

A drop of silence suddenly fell to the ground,
Then a voice like a thunder roars out loud,
Asking questions that linger through,
What are you fighting for?
What are you seeking?
What is the reward for the victor?

It's the battle against the will and emotions.
The fight not to make unworthy decisions.
It's a defining moment
Whether to cross a bridge or build a new one.
To win is of no concern
But to gain control is the challenge.
The TRUTH is what we seek,
Unknowingly we all search for an
**Epiphany

The door kept knocking
I was afraid to open.
At the same time curiosity struck my mind
I peeped through the keyhole
And pretended to be bold,
But all I saw was silhouette.
A chill ran down my bones
As I saw an invitation slid through under the door.
I was bewildered as to who would send an invitation late this hour
addressed to my name.

I opened the envelope
And the invitation read
"I cordially invite you to the carnival of lust"
I took the invitation to my room
And left it on a table at the side of my bed.
I went back to sleep as I thought, the invitation wasn't for me.

I woke up the next morning
Thinking it was all just a dream.
But there I saw the invitation lying next to me.
I chose to ignore it as it wasn't something I would acknowledge.
But instead of discarding it, I let it be.

Once again a voice whispered,
Aren't you a little curious to know what it might unfold?
Just one visit won't hurt,
Just to be sure that it isn't what your looking for?

I was miss goody two shoes.
Never made reckless decision.
But then I thought why not?
"Maybe I should cut myself loose
I will go, just for a sneak peek".
I was sure it would bring no harm
I always kept myself alarm.

So I got all dressed,
And found my feet marching towards the carnival of lust.
I said to myself "I will leave before the rest".
Instead, till today Im filled with remorse.
For what I saw as the curtain unfold
Was not meant for my soul.
It was like a rollercoaster ride,
Not for merrymaking,
The carnival twisted my mind
I was not able to leave.
Now I pray for release,
For a carnal life I lead.

A letter to you is just words in a piece of paper.
To me it brought us closer.
I could hear you whisper,
Those words so divine
You transformed my mind.
Although I knew they were shallow,
Yet I permitted my heart to follow
Those words that numbed my sorrows.

I was gullible, you were intimidating,
Each syllable was captivating
With that letter you won my attention,
But for me it was a ticket to redemption,
To save me from those emotions
That had consume my thoughts.
So I believed in those words.

A spark was lit, seen on my face
I was filled with a warm embrace.
Only to find, it was for sunny days.
As the storm set in,
And the thunders raged
Each words slowly faded.
The letter was drench in my tears
As I watched you walk away.

I was young, so naive
I saw beauty in your eyes
Didn't know they will leave me dry.
You would say let's fool around.
In my innocence I thought you meant laughter and acting crazy
Calling each other silly names.
Maybe I was just too innocent.

I let you in too deep.
I kissed you with fiery passion,
Embraced your every action.
When you laid down your head on my bossom
My heart skipped a beat.
The butterflies in the pit of my tummy,
So strong I had to resist your lips,
Especially when you said you loved me, you needed me,
I believed.

The table turned,
I was just another,
A game meant to be played
To experience what it felt like,
Fooling around with me was a pleasure.
That's when I realised what you actually meant.
You said "you couldn't see me in your forever."
I wasn't your world
I was just an experiment,
to prepare yourself for what's to come.
I was left undone.

You called me old school
Just because I believe in purity

You called me old school
Just because I wasn't influence by social media to overcome my inferiority

You called me old school
Just because I don't swear or cuss

You called me old school
Just because in the midst of a chaos I remain Hush

You called me old school
Just because I believe in a deep sacrificial love.

You vanished in a blink of an eye
I was obliged to say goodbye.
I am an Heir to the throne
In this heart I called home.
Therefore no more compromise
Only sacrifice.
I do hope you chase your dream
As lovely as it seems.
I bid you farewell
as you journey through Tomorrowland.
I might be one of your fan,
No not a constant one,
Just one who waves from afar
and says
*"Do you remember me
I'm a piece of your forgotten memory"

I burst forth into a monster
Roaming to devour
The very soul that left me sore.
Desiring to destroy your hope
To chain you with disparaging words,
The very words that left me scarred.
To trap you in a pit pitch black
A darkness so tangible,
leaves you screaming for a way out.

But forgiveness came flashing to my mind
Difficult to pursue but worth the try
For I myself
Craves for a second chance of redemption
Therefore the only way was
FORGIVE AND YOU SHALL BE FORGIVEN

Let love burn all that make you falter

And lit a fiery passion

That will leave the mark of a victor.

You delighted in the chase

It was indeed intriguing.

But when reality struck

And demanded your clock,

You fleet gracefully

Like a roadrunner.