She was fascinating.
Not because she was drop dead gorgeous or oh my god beautiful.

No, she had humor she used as a weapon.
No, she had love she used a shield.
No, she had strength hidden behind layers of wisdom.

She was fascinating.
In the way that made men cringe and made women envious.
She was the type of girl you wanted to get to know if only to keep her close by.

We drink to forget the day to day routine's we have locked ourselves into.
We drink to remember the better days but if we drink too much it just makes it worse.
We drink to get rid of the nerves and hope it makes us charming and funny.

He asked me out for drink; so we drank.
He was beautiful in a classy way.
I loved his hair and those bright eyes and the drinks made him funnier then he was but I liked how he tried.

He told me stories about Christmas when he was ten.
He told me about his scars and his weird quirks people don't tend to notice.

He asked me for drinks and so, I drank.
I didn't tell him about Christmas when I was ten because my Christmas was filled with anger and screaming from my mother.
I didn't tell him about my scars because they came from drunken nights and fights with myself.
I didn't tell him about my quirks because I didn't have to tell him, he just seemed to know.

He told me I was quiet, something no one has ever told me before.
I smiled shyly and ordered another drink.
He grabbed my hand at the bar and I thought, wow, this is nice.

I also thought... how sad that a simple gesture can make me so self conscience and so sad.
How holding a beautiful, nice, and funny mans hand makes me think I am unworthy of such love.

And, so, I drank.
To forget.
To remember.
To... try and not self sabotage the possibility of a love that could last.

The summer in Texas took everything it could from me -- my confidence, my soul, and all the sweat my body could produce.
But it also showed me happiness.
It showed me lake days and laughter, drinking in the sand with my best friend, and searching for alligators in a swamp.

It showed me that  sometimes you need to go to Louisiana and gamble until 3 am then drive three hours back home.
Reminiscing about your youth and making new inside jokes to talk about later.

The summer in Texas showed me good food and country music is something I didn't know I was missing from my life.
Showed me dancing on rooftops and art all over downtown Dallas and in Austin too.

This was a year I will never forget-- dreaming of new beginnings and spending a year with my best friend just being twenty something year old for the first time in our life.

A year spent remembering who we are and trying to grow instead of putting ourselves down.

There were nightmares about you and then there were dreams that made me cry with joy.
You had the most perfect smile.
You had the most perfect net to catch me in.

There were memories flooding my brain every night and then there was the moment I thought I could swim to the top of them only to drown.
You were making it hard to breathe.
You were making it hard to let you go.

I wanted so badly to run to the other side of the country and demand that you hashed things out with me.
I wanted to use a couple plays from your book of tricks but I knew that my plays would be flawed and we would lose the game.

My friends told me I was too angry to start discussing things right now.
My friends told me I was too impulsive and maybe they were right.

But, baby, love makes you do crazy things.
And, baby, I am crazy about you.