Brianna

Brianna Oct 2017

Twisted up from the inside like vines around the outside of my house.
I can see the horizon - morning is on the way and if i can just walk a little farther then i can find happiness...
I just know it!

Anxiety is melting my insides like the snow on the outside of my house.
I can see Spring is around the corner and if i just keep warm a little longer then I can find happiness...
I just know it!

It's loud and cracking the sidewalks are moving outside and its giving me a migraine.
I keep thinking the longer I hold on, the closer to happiness I will be.

But what if I am just sinking farther and farther into a sadness I haven't been formally acquainted with yet?

#formal #sadness #life #love #change #depression #meeting #anxiety #happiness #loud

Brianna Oct 2017

Describe Him

Candy coated tongue filled with sweet, rotting lies.
Ireland Green eyes with cavernous secrets deep inside.
Frosty demeanor, misty mountain moods, and perfectly sculpted arms.

How could a girl resist?
How could she ever forget?

#him #love #lies #eyes #descriptive #change #forget #memories #beautiful #wonderful

Brianna Oct 2017

Lies

I can say with the utmost certainty that the mirror is the only thing that doesn't lie to me these days.

#mirror #short #lies #truth #sadness #pain #self #hate #destructive #alone

Brianna Oct 2017

Being Me.

You will find me in this darkened room with caffeine and nicotine damaging my body.
You can find me with ink stains on my fingertips and note books filled with art of my youth- drawings, poetry, stories, journal entries to remember my past.
I won't apologize for being me- curious, wild, and beyond normal repair.
I won't apologize for dreaming- wishing, memorizing the way your lips tasted, imaging your eyes.

You'll find me with a bottle of wine leaning against my turquoise colored wall singing songs of my youth.
You can find me lighting candles in the rain and opening all the windows not giving a **** about the damage it will have on my apartment.

I won't apologize for being me.

#apologize #never #me #self #love #care #imagery #dreams #wishing #memories

Brianna Oct 2017

Closure like the Winter

Closure came like the Winter.
I expected it but at the same time I was unprepared rushing to find a jacket for this cold that all of a sudden consumed my body.

He didn't have any answers so I learned to fix the locks without him.
I kept his excuses to throw out when Spring came around.

I had to learn to accept the bad days when I was confused and scared and all alone.
I had to learn how to accept that he would never give me the answers I was actually trying to get from myself.
I had to learn how to find the warrior inside me because sometimes love makes you weak and that's okay for a while.

Closure came like the Winter.
It left everything around me dead inside so that I could bloom again in the Spring.

#closure #winter #cold #seasons #change #warrior #self #love #answers #questions

Brianna Oct 2017

7

When it's not so sad anymore I will show pictures of us to my future children.
I keep them hidden in 7 different folders on my computer to try and hide them from myself so I don't get weak and want to look at the better days.

I deleted you from social media, I blocked you, but as we all know that's a temporary solution to the bigger problem.
I always find love for you even when I hate you deep down inside- hidden under 7 layers of skin and memories.

When it's not so sad anymore I almost wish we would run into each other on the streets.
Maybe it won't be so awkward, I'll have moved on and you'll have moved on but maybe there will be a small spark still there.

When it's not so sad anymore, I will eventually delete those pictures from my memory and my computer.
I will find a way to permanently erase your love one of these days... maybe 7 months from now, maybe 7 years from now... someday.

#seven #life #change #love #memories #delete #blocked #social #media #millennial

Brianna Oct 2017

Autumn Day

We felt lost and we felt confused but we pushed through.
It was a cool autumn breeze- it smelled like apple cider and dead leaves.
It was brisk so we huddled together for warmth- your red cheeks mixed with mine so perfectly.

There was something about the way you hunched your shoulders- the lack of confidence when you should have had more was adorable.
There was something about the way your lips looked when you talked- I just wanted to kiss you so bad that day.

The sunset was orange and yellow with hints of pink- the storm was on the way but we held tight.
I lost my nerve when you held my hand on the way back to the car.
You smiled and I smiled... and it was just so simple.

#brisk #walks #autumn #smiles #love #cold #warmth #confidence #cute #romance