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Saint Audrey Mar 2019
I'm feeling harmony, looking in your eyes
I always feel alright, when I'm with you
It's this sense of empathy I can't feel otherwise
I always feel alright when we're together

Emotional currency creating dependence
Once dissonant tones start weaving together on repeated listens
Love and joy, the heartache and pain
Harp on these notes till they all bleed together

It'll always be different, don't you
remember how you feel when you're alone?
Suffer from this static human conditioning
Blacking out whenever connections form

Memory doesn't appear to be part of this game
Disharmonious thoughts, that we refuse to explore

In defense of myself, there's nothing I won't explore
Identity flux cauldron, mixture of various inputs
and Impulses I might've felt as a kid or even earlier

That's how it is, but maybe not how it should be
But natural order will sort itself out, so I digress
One thing hardly taken into consideration
Our own aptitude for our self destruction

It's internal loathing, perhaps rightfully deserved
I can feel it too, every second glance in a mirror
Could we still strive for a better end?
Tomorrow is a new day, after all

...

Vanity in sacrifice, adorned in white
Polished posture, so significant it seems
Furrowed brow, heavy with self occupation
Empty vessel, paraded, held in no regard
But the construct of time will tell
Reveal true motivations

Self aggrandizing, should death be your value
Well groomed in your simple wooden box
But inlaid with ivory, paid for with suggestions
Carefully plotted, like paving stones

Considering bitter ends, a new pass time
In some attempt to add a bit of sweetness to the taste

...

I fear I'm deflecting again
You, the brunt of my dissatisfaction
Erroneously placed, if I err, stay with me
Or I might drift away while I sleep
Saint Audrey Mar 2019
I think it's safe to assume
I will change, but it won't be soon
Maybe once I know what I want to say

You're one tough act that I don't want to follow
Watching you run towards tomorrow
Leaves me wishing that I could have today

You always talk fast, I'm trying to wade through
I can't unpack your constant deluge
Give me a second, let me concentrate

I don't understand the your phantom pressures
I can't figure out how you communicate
Or find the source of your endless grace

There's no such thing as true evil
Across all cultures and creeds, evil exists
All relegated to human existence
It's a byproduct of our own physicality
There's a million neurons firing constantly
Fueling immeasurable transfers of information
Constantly, across the whole of the race
Across the face of the planet
It's just one massive web of ideas
We're all afraid of death, its terrifying
We hate the idea that we won't exist
And our group instinct drives us together
Empathy binds us like that, and we feel a false sense that
We're moral beings, because we treat others with respect
But we're only looking out for ourselves
And we can quickly kid ourselves
Systemic evil is just everyone tricking themselves in a million different ways
All tricks coming in different directions
And when tragedy strikes, we all like to look at the end result
We all point at the ******, ugly end and say
That's evil
And then we try and scapegoat, look for easy solutions
But really, we're all culpable
Saint Audrey Mar 2019
It never takes much
I wonder what I could possibly do to impress her
She's plucking gold threads in the air
Bits of string she finds hanging all around her
When she's flying like that
When she's hanging like that
Even her feet trace above my head

When she's human
I feel sick
Because I feel lucky

You know those wraps on her wrists
She keeps them bound up for a reason
She needs the memory, but it's not for me

She's not like me
So distinctive, in all the ways she knows
In all the lines she's memorized
And in that saccharine emulsion
Still seeping from her
I hate the taste of it

Gently floating on the breeze
Walking across lilies
I wonder what I could possibly do
To impress her.
Saint Audrey Mar 2019
Rip
Stay true to your mind
Inner calm, inner calm
Inner...
...
Buckling under pressure
Stay true to yourself
A few minutes
All these questions
Could've...
Thought...
About...
That...
Before...

Stop­.

...

Inner calm
Breathe

It's cold
It's too ******* cold
Help
Help
It's getting worse
Help.

What's that?
I think it's the door
I focus on that little worming, niggling voice
Burning
In the back of my throat

There's no point.
Help.
HELP
Saint Audrey Mar 2019
You caught me off guard, could you let me get my story straight
It's difficult to comprehend a ****** word you say
If you walk away this time, well, this is probably it
But I can't find a single reason for you to stay

Give me a second, let me get my thoughts right
You got me this time, feels like my tongue is in a vice
I try and say as much, but can't explain
So I try and fail to wear sympathetic face

That look you're giving, It's obvious you're not amused
I Suppress the urge to ***** out another thin excuse
You turn tail, stirring panic up inside of me
But despite everything, I just up and watch you leave
Saint Audrey Mar 2019
There's something wrong, hanging in the air
Tastes sweet, and fetid, we feel it on the wind
In the dying heat, seeping through the screen
And it catches your attention

You don't seem to notice that I follow you outside
Watch you worm your way past the trees
I hesitate, for a second, something in my throat
you start to run, as you gain distance, my chest feels tight

You disappear inside. Through the open door
A trail of residue, marking your every step
I feel it on each rung, in my apprehension
I'm overcome with dread

And in that sordid loft, I find you in the shade
I feel my throat convulse and I collapse

Mind scattered, sickness takes its way, I'm trying to hold
Myself together, I can't think straight
Appalled beyond remnants of my faith

Intrinsic repulsion, at every sickened sound you make
Pity rends at my soul, as I watch as you rise
Against the shadow, I can see your eyes
As you start to see me, in a different light

So finding myself alone, i clung to your affidavit
I guess you got me in your own way, in a misguided attempt at reconciliation
You locked me out of my own heart, out of my mind
And swore up and down that you'd done nothing of the sort

I can no longer find the will of better self
A promise that I could relate the truths I found
Saint Audrey Feb 2019
Reveling in
Simple things
Loved before they're gone

Playing down
Entropy
For the moment
We should let it go

Aware of
All the things
Thing's I can't control

In finding
Evidence
Of another
Brighter type of dawn

Out here
Past the point
Never quite alone

Resonate
In bitter sweet
Little moments
In the undertow

Aware of
All the things
Thing's I can't control

In finding
Evidence
Of another
Brighter type of dawn
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