And when the time does come

Where I lose my very thoughts

Right before the last rung

On the verge of fall

When all that I have left to grab

Is this simple plea

With what little time I have left

Throw your arms round me

Then kindly whisper in my ear

As you hold me tight

At that point all I need to hear

Is it's going to be alright

Where there once was peace and quiet
there's now an unbearable silence
I want to go back when
I didn't have to count to ten
to calm myself and all the pain
Not sure how I am still quite sane

Insanity would probably
be beneficial, naturaly
I'd just scream and shout and take a leap
Would that finally sweep me off my feet?
And stop my regrets playing on repeat?
Why do I have to get to the point of retreat
everytime someone makes their lying eyes weep?

All I want is something good and true
But everytime I try to look it's another you

The you that lies
with watery eyes
The you that cares to hold
my hand until it gets a little bit too cold
The you that tries hard to see the real me
to turn away as soon as I feel comfortable to be
The you that makes me look like a fool
to find out what you didn't want you just needed a tool
The you that wants to smother me all over
til I feel safe but you tell me I've only briefly been your four-leaf clover
The you that comes and goes as it pleases
leaving me sick and weary from all the diseases

you left
in my mind and heart
that's always the part
where you go and make room for another
to start the cycle anew, someone else to smother
my heart with thick heaviness
my mind with distrust, seeing always less
through the fog of disbelief
where I stand trying to retrieve
all that has been broken away from me
to swallow the bird of wisdom and talk myself into being free

But the bird is always dying
coming back but never flying
Still I keep it safe, protect it with my life
Together we will always strive
One day to release
This you and me will cease

Can someone please stop me from pouring,
out, and out
I'm afraid I might be emptied soon from crying out,
loud, so loud

Please let me find some peace of mind,
self, myself
Let me put this thing off, put it on the furthest,
shelf, rusted shelf

I'm so tired, so worn out,
letting, always letting
My veins are bruised from all of it,
fretting, all the fretting

Aren't you fed yet?
from the blood, so much blood
It starts to become one with
the mud, grey thick mud

I'm fed up with your decency,
irony, oh the irony
Full and fat of life's endless travesty
tragedy, it's a tragedy

Let me out of lying honesty,
don't talk to me, don't talk
I'm sick and tired of this car,
I rather walk, I will walk

I'll get somewhere eventually,
probably, mh, surely
Or maybe I'll get hit by one again on my way there,
pleasant thought, purely

Maybe I can't tell
right from wrong
life from death
heaviness from emptiness
love from a lie
or your arms from mine

Still I'm sure to see
light inside something dark
matter inside the nothingness
heart inside an empty chest
care from broken hands

And when you say
the void is you
I shake my head
but follow through

Let me tell you what I see
A blackness that is dear to me
And even if you can't help but mind
my trust and care leaving your dark parts behind

I might as well be
A lantern, you see
And when the light catches you
We'll both follow through
One thing I can truthfully tell
it was never just darkness from the moment I fell

for you

There

I lay my eyes
on something battered

Red the only color
another's apart and shattered

Dreams of a ****** consciousness

Rest in peace
solace

See me
mirrored

Touching others inner
borrowed

By ancient
minds

The keeper
finds

Skinned thoughts
dressed in shadow

Mind's a maze
ecstasy and sorrow

Leave it to
a ghost haunted

By phantasms
scattered and taunted

This blood runs deep
to gather and fill

My holding shell
where I keep you, safe and still