Seeking happiness in the wrong places
Then wonder why I am not
Blame fate for most my problems
When I am chasing my tail in the same spot

Sit and watch the world spin circles
Wait for opportunities to drop into my lap
Neglect health in the process
Realize I'm about to snap

Ready to give up this quest
Staring at a looming distant goal
Contemplating if I am the only one
Emptied of happiness, a hollow soul

I am finding it hard to believe you
Second-guessing every word you swear is true
Won't withstand deceit anymore
Many times I let lies slide through

I set the bar too low
You didn't bother aiming high
If I mattered like you claim I did
You would do a lot more than just try

All you will ever
Be to me is someone I
Don't know anymore

I am so tired of the struggle
Existing every torturous minute on Earth
Want to feel good when I wake up
Look at myself, know my worth.

I want my insecurities to disappear
With me all hours of the day
Tried to abandon them with no luck
Stubborn ******* are determined to stay.

Distort my vision often
Sing fears, remind of the nothing I've become
Watching with glee as I sit in this prison
Search for something to make sadness numb.

A substance to silence my sorrows
Found conflict instead of the comfort I crave
I want tomorrow to carry less dread
Forecast is hot weather, not enough shade.

The Earth keeps on surprising me
How I wish the pain would stop
I miss the days when monsters weren't real
Now my shoulders they sit atop.

The world shakes unstable feet
Each time recovery takes longer
I am beginning to understand defeat
I think about past tears, I get stronger.

Like sun beaming after a rainstorm
I will blaze more brilliantly than before
Confidence shining through open pores in skin
Self_acceptance and forgiveness lighting my core.

I need to change my attitude
Drop bad habits weighing me down
Like leaves shed by Autumn trees
Free myself, let them cascade to the ground.

Mood flips rather quickly
I want control over emotions I feel
I may be happy for a moment but it never lasts
I savor those seconds my smile is real.

Goodbye doesn't have to be permanent
It can be good for two hearts to temporarily sever
But I also know from experience
Sometimes goodbye is forever