Sometimes I lay here quietly.
In and out of consciousness.
I listen to the sounds I hear purely.
Nothing to taint the senses.
When I discovered the howls of the wind
and the birds that sing in the sunrise,
it evoked me of my childhood.  
Filled with nonsense and beauty.
Reminding me of everything I've sacrificed.
Kindling me temporally.
Just enough to keep me alive.
Reminding me of what I've sacrificed.

What have I done?
To be treated like dirt in your eyes.
Always under the gun.
Constantly being vandalized.
Forever on the run.

Run Race Horse Run
The shows only just begun.
What goods a race horse that's not any fun?
Show me your teeth like a good one.

You want to tame me,
But I was born to be wild and free.
Not in a dudgeon.

How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...

I wish my mind wouldn't run off wild sometimes,
Or at the very least take my heart with it.
There is so much for us to live for.
I truly am sorry for my nasty remarks and
my uncanny ability of slamming the door.
I was triggered by something and cant seem to shake it.
    Do you love me any less or am I just crazy?
Are these merely my demons resurfacing?
You probably thought I was all lilacs and daisies.
Well if that's what you thought, you thought wrong.
      I lost some control, I'll admit.
But I can only apologize for so long.
Instead of taking your frustrations out on me,
why don't you look to the person who put the damage in me?
       I wish I could be different just for you,
Cause you deserve everything under the moon.
I wish for your sake I was all Lilacs and Daisies.
I can think of no one who deserves that more than you.

Your eyes can be so cruel. You don’t have to try to be.  You do it so naturally. Unable to move, nowhere to run.  Your eyes pierce through me sharper than a knife, faster than a gun. Why did I go along with your games for so long? Why should I be made the villain for your evil crimes?
     In years from now, these demons will be just as near. Never fully gone, no matter how much I wish they’d disappear. Your face will haunt my nightmares, not only in my sleep. Preying on my deepest fears. My inner child will be playing hide and seek. Fragile and so used to hiding finally seeking a way out...
     Your threats have kept me at bay. You’ve gotten what you wanted and will continue to do so until the judgement day. You’re unkind remarks leave a bruise on my already crippled heart. Breathing doesn’t come easy when it comes to your iron hand. Sometimes it would be easier to not breathe at all. Less painless with pins and needles to break the fall.
     Trying to catch myself before falling deeper into your lies. You say there are rules to abide. That there’s nowhere to run or hide. No one to hear my deafening cries. Singing to myself a quiet lullaby. That’s the best I can do to sweeten the blows. Just get it over and done with no one’s ever going to know. You’ll sweep it under the carpet so my scars never show.

A soul untainted, in the heart of a man.
Give me a reason to ignite the fire in this passion.
I see it in your eyes.
Your reason is still alive.
You can't seem to figure it out.
The answer lingers deep inside
I still believe in you.
I can't speak the words you want to say.
You need to tell them with confidence.
I see it in your eyes,
what you need to say.
I just need to hear you say it,
In order to get through the day.

Have my rivers began flowing?
Is my hair finally growing?
The sharks are blood-thirsty.
Forgive me, but is my womanhood showing?
Is it only natural for them to prey on me when their thirst needs quenching?
Their tendencies are dangerous,
They can **** with a look.
When their finished, they leave you for dead.
After using every trick in the book.
They leave you for the next and the next after that.
In their eyes, you're just another fish in the sea, they can pound away at.