Desperate times like this call for a distraction.
Feeling wanted and craving some attention.
There's always a price to pay without an education, in the art of seclusion.  
Laying on the couch as he gazed upon me.
Taking in the sight, to his delight
he found me charming.

He told me, "I'm a fighter. I'm a queen."
That he found me particularly fascinating.
"We're not so different you and me,
Which makes you superior when compared to anything."
I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Wondering why his smile made me feel so sickening.

I'd be crying as he took me in his arms.
Made me believe he truly meant no harm.
He held me tightly and he muttered,
"If you get any older maybe we could move past heavy petting.
You can't gain experience without experimenting. "

He told me, "I was pretty
And around pretty things don't mind if I get a little touchy feely.
Younger girls fall so very easy. Just don't gain any unwanted feelings,
without them I can still make you feel amazing."
Once again I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Unknowingly risking everything.
I felt like nothing when compared to anything.

He'd pull me closer as I started shaking.
Assured me that'd he'd never hurt me and there was no need to be afraid.
He made me feel uncomfortable rather than amazing.
Turns out his words meant nothing.
Still sitting frightened in his lap.
My need for comfort had enticed him so much one day when he just snapped.
And me feeling guilty for doing so, I Innocently asked,
Craving comfort and security, how was I supposed to know?
I'm sorry, that really wasn't my intention.  

He started smirking as he said,
"You really like attention.
Your teasing doesn't pay the bill.
One day you won't be able to shut me out.
And those doors won't stop me from getting in.
Is that so difficult to comprehend?", he threatened.

I was a token of your humor.
I was your stupid little fool.
I was nothing but your prisoner.
I meant absolutely nothing at all to you.
I was stuck within your sheets.
Unable to move forward.
There was nowhere else to fall.
As I was screaming silently, you made me realize
the meaning of nothing meant me.

If I had known all along, that I was backed against the wall,
I would have never wrote this poem.
And I would have fought harder than just screaming, that this feels wrong I think we should stop.

The seasons change
God only knows what the season may bring
Warm knitted sweaters to cradle me
House warming gifts to mend my suffering
   You keep the fire always burning low
Making sure its never fades
You keep me going like the fading glow
But I know someday it has to fade
And everything will change...

But even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday  Forever...

   Things always change
God only knows what tomorrow brings
Warm soft pillow to rest my head.
A roof to keep out all the Dangerous things
    Showing me how to stand on my own
holding me close through the storm
Giving me a place to call my own
But I know that's today
Tomorrow everything will Change....

Even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday forever....

Everyday forever...

You all see what you want to see.
What does the book say?
When we die, we all die alone.
Happiness is inconsequential.
Removing the horns of the bull, won’t make it civilized.
The frozen roses of winter won’t thaw in April.
Forgot I had a voice, while living in these lies.
Drinking the elixir in the end turned out to be fatal.
Your fidelity smashed to pieces, when you finally came.
Now everything’s different.
Just let go, nothing’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from everything you’ve known.
The dawn is coming soon.
It’s not as scary as you thought it would be.
Come down from the clouds.
It’s funny the things you find in the rain.
Washing all the blackness away.
Am I safer here on the ground? Or in the higher ground?
Pearl dove flying in the night.
Somehow finding its way back to the light.
Maybe all these wrong turns could turn out alright.
We all see what you want to see.
The Last of the roses, are the most beautiful in black and white.
What does the book say again?
Happy endings may as well be extinct.
Is everything set in stone? Am I under control?
All I ever wanted was to make an impression.
Somewhere inside there’s a woman.
Not a possession.
One day you’ll learn to let go.
No one’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from the life you’ve known.
The sun is aligned with the moon.


You’ve never been as strong as you are right now.
The things lurking in the rain,
Brought darkness to this place.
Pearl dove flying in the night,
Hopefully someday will find the light.
Let’s see how brave you are,
If nothing turns out right.
Nothing scares me anymore.
All I ever wanted was protection.
Pearl dove falling in the night.
Holding on for one last night.
Resting in the clouds waiting for redemption…

My heart breaks for you,
More than it breaks for me,
That’s saying something, my dear.
The past is in the past.
Nothing ever lasts.
The future can help us see clear.
Sorry about the black sheep.
But even the whitest aren’t completely white.
I remember when we used to go caroling
It hasn’t snowed since.
Good thing I travel light.
I wonder,
Will things ever be as they were?
If it makes it easier put the blame on me.
I’ve already lost my dignity.
I worry about what goes on,
When the lights at the house aren’t on?
Pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t.
How many ways can you twist a story?
The truth may never be revealed.
Can’t travel back in time.
Maybe it’s better this way.
If you know me so well,
Why do you not believe in me?
Please I already lost everything.
Don’t need your sympathy.
Please come back to me.

All the old familiar places.
Not everyone is as ugly as you.
Keep your legs crossed so that he won’t cross yah.
To breathe through this tainted air I need an oxygen tank.
A dog without a leash is like a cat with its claws,
When untamed. I was only nineteen.
Still got cuts on my knees. I left my courage where you left me.
Unleash the dogs on me.
Someone refrain me. I’m going to blow my cover.
Secrets aren’t meant to be kept locked away forever.
Outside it’s sunny, but in my heart it’s raining pianos.
Never will I feel sunny again. That goes without saying.
Here comes the thunder…
Running from my demons. They dare me to dance.
Why should I dance for you? I’m not your dancing girl.
Mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, the apple falls further than you think.
I kept praying to myself to one day leave this place.
I blame you for my insecurities.
If only I could sell you out to the captain,
I’d be happy to sink your precious ship.
I know what’s hidden behind that sickening smile.
The jokes on you, I’ll never be yours to call your own.
Here comes the thunder.

Give me something to numb the pain.                                            
Sinking in quick sand.
Slowly driving me insane.
Been strung out on painkillers all day.
Just had a pillow fight with a genie, but she left so quickly,
I couldn’t catch her name.
The room is spinning.
I feel so strange.
God give me strength.
Everything is so heavy.
It’s all a distraction.
Nothing really takes away the shame.
Been sleepwalking for weeks on end.
No drug on earth can take away this curse.
You all tell me the same **** thing.
No one can take away this misery.
The Mayhem of misery is my curse.
I’m so tired. So tired of living.
But I can’t give in.
There’s no one to help me…
Excuse me I have a prior engagement.
Deep down its nothing but a lie.
Am I only here for your mere entertainment?
They never seem to make the effort to try.
I can’t take it anymore.

Her eyes are weary, but she’s wide awake.
She can’t seem to shake this feeling away.
She knew what you were, but had to learn the hard way.
She broke out of the asylum.
Night terrors still haunt her in the dark.
Blinded by her dreams.
There’s a disease in her garden.
She had no choice except to abandon all of her sins back in autumn.
Here in the shadow she cries.
Every night she holds on for dear life.
Barely making it out alive.
Here in the shadow she only just survives.
In a bed she doesn’t want to sleep in,
In a world she doesn’t want to live in,
In a universe she doesn’t want to exist in,
Is where she lies.
She wants to pull her stomach over her head and swallow.
The weight is adding to the baggage she always carries.
It’s not as strong as all of this tormenting sorrow.
She suffered through the invasion.
Her soul forever paralyzed.
If she ends this now, she’ll never feel anything again…